"But this isn't on a Saturday!"  No it is not.  However, I am a wild man and wild men do not worry about silly things like timetables and regularly scheduled events; no, the only things men like me worry about are

1. being rugged
2. being manly
3. being ruggedly manly

The reason I am doing the next installment in this series early (or is that a month and a half late?  SHUT UP)  is for the same reason I do *anything*: Justice Gray is a humanitarian force of nature.   Recently I was disturbed to find the following twitter from someone who admires me greatly:

What a surprise:

1. Justice Gray takes a break from posting for a month
2. Scott Hanselman tells the world he is fat, curls up with a box of Oreo Cakesters
3. Microsoft releases some "Windows 7 House Party" videos that target the sought-after demographic of middle-aged women who have more cats than they do friends.

Seriously, it is bedlam out here and I can only hold my lack of posting responsible. 
      
Scott, my friend I am here to tell you that you are correct - your morbid obesity stops here, and it stops now.  And it stops now because I am going to remotely train you into the he-beast that you were always meant to be.  Trust me, following my patented advice week in and week out you will have completely transformed yourself for the better by the end of this year!  And we'll start with one of the most patented moves in my training arsenal, a little thing I call the Justice Gray Caesar Cleanse. 

Now, some of you fat slobs out there might think that the idea of a cleanse to get you ripped is lunacy.   In my naive days before I became a physical powerhouse, I would've thought so too.  I used to think the way to getting ripped was simply:
20% exercise
80% diet

but according to the good personal trainers on the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line, the *true* way to getting ripped is actually:
15% exercise
35% diet
50% detox/cleansing

Lucky for you, if *you* are on a Royal Caribbean Cruise you can even take a "cleansing class" for the low price of $300 US!!  But this post isn't about Royal Caribbean, this post is about getting jacked.  And ripped.  In that exact order!

The Justice Gray Caesar Cleanse technique, much like Tetris, is simple to learn but hard to master.  Its mystical origins date back more than a month ago to a wedding that I attended that had a free bar.  Pay attention closely:

1. Have a Caesar
2. Drink the Caesar
3. Go to the bar and get another Caesar
4. Repeat steps 1-3 twelve times
5. Use your seductive charm to get the bartenders to give you an extra-large triple Caesar
6. Repeat steps 2-3

The important part is to make sure you do this in a very short time frame.  The shorter the better - then the magic occurs!  I'm not going to go into the details of how a "cleanse" works for you readers, I trust you know how to Google for this kind of stuff but let me tell you after I got back to the hotel room the pounds dropped off.  Heck, I'm not even sure I have a lower intestine anymore and my liver probably has some issues but look, details like this don't mean a thing when you want to get jacked.  And ripped. 

Coming next week, maybe we'll discuss doing 3000 reps in a *row* of bicep curls and then bench pressing a building over your head, or maybe the benefits of drinking nothing but eggs and cream for three weeks solid - who knows, I am a maniac.   The important part is that at the end of this series, Scott Hanselman will be strapping on the wrestling trunks and posing down at a conference near you.    That is my solemn promise!!  I've even made up a special image for Scott to hang on his wall for inspiration while he becomes 600 *THOUSAND* pounds of lean muscle.