Gray's Matter | Transformers the movie: now with toys just as bad as the film

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Transformers the movie: now with toys just as bad as the film

Feb 18

by Justice~! Personal

Most of you who read this blog or have witnessed my Rails presentation know that I am a Transformers fan. Many of you also know that I nearly hung myself by my testes after witnessing the character models for the new movie. My feelings on the upcoming motion picture had somewhat mellowed from "this is going to be horrible" to "it can't suck worse than Narnia" after I watched the extended trailer. Silly me! Why didn't I count on Hasbro to find some *other* way to urinate all over my childhood memories?

Recently, I came across a preview for some new Transformers toys being released for this potential mediocrity. Below are Starscream and Optimus Prime.

Oops!! My apologies: these are Stonedar and Rokkon from the 20 year old HE-MAN line. *HERE* are the Starscream and Optimus Prime figures.

You can see why I might have been confused.

I would have loved to have been at the marketing meeting where this product direction was decided. "Forget about F16s and tractor trailers!! Nothing screams action like toys that transform into ROCKS!" What am I...er, I mean, the 10 year olds out there going to do with these things? Transform them and:

...let them sit?
...throw them at people?
...put them in a garden?

Are there stupider concepts for action toys out there, or is this truly the nadir? The last time I saw a concept this retarded was when the "Keep VB6 alive" petition was circulating...

Comments

#1 Aris on 2/19/2007 12:43:51 PM

dude... u gave me a nice good laugh man... those toys look really sucky~ lol!

#2 D'Arcy from Winnipeg on 2/19/2007 4:58:13 PM

Dude, these are cool! In the comics, we never did see what Optimus or Starscream looked like before the Ark crashed to Earth...of course they looked different than after they were altered to be more "Earth"-like.

Now...at the same time, I understand your issue: they look like model commets...which is a little dumb.

But let's give the new movie a chance here eh? Where's that Justice love we all know about?

D

#3 astr0boy on 2/19/2007 5:11:10 PM

Hey, they're just like the 3rd jersey Oilers logo. I wonder if McFarlane had a hand in their design?

#4 Ridley on 2/20/2007 6:41:01 AM

Dude, that's not the new Optimus Prime. I have seen the new one. It's pretty sucky, but that's not it.

#5 Justice~! on 2/20/2007 6:55:12 AM

Aris - glad I could provide, but thank Hasbro, not me! ;)

D'Arcy - I'm cautiously reserved about the film, but seeing stuff like this makes me nervous.  And you should know better than to tell an obsessive TF fan about how we've never seen Prime's cybertronian form before!  What about all the episodes of the cartoon or issues of the comic?  War Within?

Astroboy - I think the Oilers logo would be *WAY* cooler if it was capable of transforming into a robot!  Kind of like those holographic "turn the card this way and it says 50% off, turn it this way and it says 'Best Buy'" cards.

Ridley - I know the new Optimus still looks like a tractor tailer truck; this is supposedly his mode before he gets home.  I'm not sure what use it is to turn into something incapable of moving, but perhaps the movie will explain it...;)

#6 Victor Ward on 2/20/2007 9:09:45 AM

Those are probably the cybertronian modes - because why would they make toys that look like that but show a different style for Optimus in the preview shots?

#7 Justice~! on 2/20/2007 2:31:54 PM

Oh, I know they're the Cybertronian modes (see the press release linked above), but they still are sucky toys. I mean, how much would you like Jetfire if he turned into a plant instead of a fighter jet? =)

#8 Ridley on 2/21/2007 7:23:02 AM

The problem I see is that clearly the designers said to themselves "Let's not fuck with Optimus Prime. The people will not stand for him NOT being a truck." But this logic was not applied to any other Transformer. Megatron disappointed me the most. What the hell is he supposed to be? One of those puffy blowfish?

#9 James on 2/22/2007 4:31:46 PM