
OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS
Almost a year and a half ago on this very blog, I gave readers two recipes that not only managed to
invoke fond memories of childhood book heroes long past but *also* guaranteed you the ability to have
any woman you desire hanging off of your 40 inch left bicep. That was a long time ago and in fact looking back on it it almost feels like a different person wrote it - a well-meaning, incredibly handsome man, but a man full of what we'll call "
protein naivete".
However, today on my supplement shopping trip I have discovered a NEW king of the hill when it comes to *any* protein shake - the BSN lean dessert protein. Much like the experience of pair programming with yours truly, most protein shake mix is at best nondescript and at worst vomit inducing. However, I can truly tell you after experiencing BSN's lean dessert protein (cinnamon flavor) that
becoming 765 THOUSAND pounds of ripped muscle never tasted so good. I would probably have the entire canister in one sitting with several litres of milk if I could somehow get around my colon exploding - it is *that* amazing. The moment my lips touched the sweet nectar of cinnamon roll protein milkshake I could feel the fat instantly melt away from my torso and my shirt rip into shreds as every muscle in my body swelled to
17 times its normal size. Children cried, men screamed in terror and
Mrs. L had to protect me from approximately 2000 lust-frenzied fitness models with nothing but the blade attachment of our blender.
To give you a visual testimonial of this product, here is a photograph of the author prior to discovering BSN Lean Dessert Protein. See the happy cluelessness as he wanders through his life not knowing which end is up - so scared of his fragile, childlike body that he
hides it from view of the camera:And
here, revealed for the first time, is our author after having been
freed from the
chains of physical inferiority, proud to let his rippling body shine as a light among men and women:
Yes, there are other ways to get yourself in fantastic shape so that you too can walk shirtless around
DevTeach Toronto all oiled up and in your posing trunks. For example, you could try out
D'Arcy Lussier's patented Chicken Wing Diet. Alternatively, you can inject bull semen into your left buttock 3 times a week like
the Igloo Coder. But is either of those methods going to leave you in a state of
perpetual orgasmia? I think not, my friends.
BSN Lean Dessert Protein comes in no less than *SIX* flavors -
banana cream pudding,
cinnamon roll,
chocolate coconut,
whipped vanilla cream,
chocolate fudge pudding, and
banana nut bread - so you have absolutely no excuse to not be
a chiseled rock of a man by the end of NEXT WEEK. If you happen to pick some up *and* are going to DevTeach Toronto, let me know so we can have a posedown for the AGES!!