This is the face of the broken-hearted
Hey there Martin,
I received your messages - all 15 of them. Some of them were angry.
Some of them were drunken. Some of them were even musical (my wife was
particularly fond of your rendition of Celine Dion's "All By Myself"),
but all of them carried a common theme - you were hurt and angry that I
will not be able to attend the inaugural ALT.NET conference after all. I know
that you are worried that
a) you will never be able to meet your "metrosexual hero" in person
b) you will never be able to thank me for the review of Refactoring that sent sales of that book skyrocketing
c) as a result of my non-attendance, ALT.NET will *no longer* be the greatest conference in North American history.
First of all, let me assure you that ALT.NET, despite the absence of
one of the sexual giants of the software development industry, will
still be one of the most amazing gatherings of developers ever. Even if said bucket of machismo *could* attend, you might think Ayende Rahien's presence is not enough to make up for the absence of the man who wears North America's most seductive shirts. I beg to differ; even without me coming, the conference is still filled
with other Albertan luminaries like
Donald Belcham, Tom Opgenorth, and David Woods, just to name a few! Second, you have an office in Calgary so
it's never like we'll be all *that* far from each other. Just drive up
sometime! Perhaps you could even do a presentation for Edmonton Code
Camp, conveniently scheduled on October 20th of this year. Even if
you're too busy for that, I'm sure that two primal forces of the
universe like you and I cannot help but one day collide. Just trust
your heart, Martin.
I know that you are angry. Sure, not Scott Bellware "I'm going
to walk into Bill Gates' office, defecate on his desk, and set it on
fire" levels of rage, but nonetheless disgruntled and disappointed.
Martin, *no one* is more disappointed than I am about missing ALT.NET. I was
all ready to propose a session on "How to Tell People You Work in
Software Development and *still* get laid", and maybe even a bonus on
"Seduction Driven Development". With you, myself, *and* Ben Scheirman in the same place, we were poised for an incident of global proportions. Alas this year it is not to be. This
situation was unavoidable and I made the only choice I could. A
year or two from now, Martin, you will understand that I made this
decision for the greater good. Will I have missed ALT.NET? Yes. But
will I have saved the future of North American software development?
Almost *certainly*.
I know that you consider me to not only be a close personal friend but
even a role model, so I am loathe to disappoint you. Sure, maybe
you'll tell people at ALT.NET, "I don't even *know* this Justice Gray!
He may be terribly good-looking, but he's loco!!" Don't bother. The
attendees at this conference are smart, insightful people and the Igloo
Coder. They'll all see through your clever facade to a man that is
aching inside...aching for a friend. Thus, I've come up with something
for you that will make the days go by a little easier.
A while back, I mentioned the existence of the
"Potential Friend of Justice Gray" certificate. It pleases me to
announce that you, Martin, are the *2nd ever recipient* of this coveted
award, which I've passed along to my Albertan comrades to give you at
ALT.NET. Like the Golden Ticket in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,
this certificate is so rare as to almost be an urban legend - even
peers of mine doubted its actual existence. So I caution you to
be careful with brandishing this certificate. You may suddenly find
yourself more popular. You may suddenly find people throwing underwear
and hotel keys in your direction at inappropriate times. You might
find yourself wondering if you are being used because of your
association with me. Don't worry - you *are*. But enjoy it! I know
it is not the same as having me stand in your vicinity while you shout
to passers-by "This is Justice Gray...my *friend*!" but it's pretty
close.
Even you hadn't been sobbing loudly into the receiver, I still
would've known this weekend would have been difficult for you. But
remember, when it all comes crashing down and it hurts inside, you're
got to be a man...don't let it slide. You're a leader of the industry, for goodness sake! People will be looking to *you* to be strong this
weekend - to carry on as if there were not a gaping void in the hearts
and minds of every person in attendance. Just pull yourself together
for this brief time - if not for yourself, then do it for everyone at
ALT.NET!
I've sent a copy of this post with your certificate in the event you
were too busy to read it prior to the conference. If you require the
certificate to be laminated please let me know but you will have to pay
framing costs yourself.
Your brother in arms,
Justice Gray
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