Gray's Matter | A public apology to the City of Vancouver

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A public apology to the City of Vancouver

Jul 29

by Justice~! RampagingMasculinity | Vancouver

The scene outside my window in Vancouver today. Yes, complete with bengal tiger. It's better if you don't ask.

No, not for the greatest piece of propaganda since Summit tried to explain why they recast Rachelle LeFevre with Bryce Dallas Howard for Twilight: Eclipse!

You see, Vancouver, today I was reckless and today you have all paid the price for that mistake. And this is why I (almost) never make mistakes - when the average person makes a miscalculation their error does not affect over one million people. When Justice Gray makes a mistake, the result is bedlam and calamity.

Earlier this morning I took a shower. Imagining this piece of news no doubt has my female readership wanting to take a shower themselves - a cold one!! Go ahead and do that before you hurt yourselves. This post will be here when you return.

I know that many unshaven software developers are reading this right now, thinking that the tragic mistake I am referring to above was bathing on a daily basis. After all, why would I waste valuable minutes getting ready when I could write a tirade on Twitter blaming Microsoft for all of my life's problems?? But no, my friends, the shower was merely a *precursor* to what came next. Oh tragic naivete!!!

You see, after I showered and went through my rigorous styling routine, I did something a little different...I walked out into my living room only wearing a towel. While my blinds were raised.

Not so coincidentally, today Vancouver, BC had it's highest recorded temperature - ever. I'd try to explain how these two things are related but the raw science would only confuse and arouse you. That's about as much as I can say without destroying your mind.

Again, Vancouver, I am truly sorrowful over what transpired today. This will not make your girlfriends come back or your marriages knit themselves back together, because I am not a miracle worker - only my body. But hopefully with time we will all learn and heal from this event.

Still friends?

-Justice Gray

Comments

#1 Brad Daoust

on 7/30/2009 9:23:17 AM

It just got awkward and weird between us!

#2 Justice~!

on 7/30/2009 9:51:58 AM

And this is why I have so few close male friends!! Either their significant others are attracted to me or *they* are!! Who can stand against that kind of force? Good thing that you are pretty much the "Justice Gray" of Edmonton or our friendship would have never lasted even this long!

#3 Brad Daoust

on 7/30/2009 2:36:21 PM

Great, now I'm going to have to go home and cry in the shower for an hour.

#4 Justice~!

on 7/30/2009 2:42:33 PM

So, just another day then! ;)

#5 Brad Daoust

on 7/30/2009 2:55:56 PM

Actually no, I haven't had to do that since you left to Elitist Vancouver.

#6 Justice~!

on 7/30/2009 3:04:11 PM

Oh please!! You know - in your heart of hearts - that Vancouver is where you and *your* family should be as well!! Don't live in denial of your elitist roots!!

#7 Brad Daoust

on 7/30/2009 7:09:05 PM

I'm not an elitist, I'm just better than everybody else. If Vancouver is such a good city than you'll have no problem offering lodging during the Olympics as you've promised me before to prove to me Vancouver is better than Edmonton.

#8 Justice~!

on 7/30/2009 8:15:53 PM

You're on! You show up and you'll have a place to crash. I'm warning you though, come here and you'll never want to go back!!

#9 Tom Opgenorth

on 8/5/2009 2:14:09 AM

Dude, I routinely walk around my house in the manner you described. I figure it's the best, most legal way to keep my neighbours from deliberately spying on me.

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