If you miss Hot Developer Corner (and who doesn't?), well, I can't help you here - I am still lining up subjects!  However, Mike Duncan has just published an interview with none other than *yours truly*.  An interview that is TOO HOT FOR THIS BLOG.  An interview in which the following questions are answered:

• Exactly what percentage of the .NET speaking circuit is fraudulent?
• Is tech evangelism where developers go to die?
• How WYSIWYG is Justice, really?

All of these would be minor trifles in the pond, but this interview includes the answer to a question *SO* unthinkable it has never been asked...

Who is the one man in the industry* who actually has *BETTER* hair than Justice Gray??

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for the dramatic alterations in your career, your relationships, and your life that will result.  I am merely...the messenger.

* Aside from George Clingerman, who asked not to be counted as a man for the purposes of this interview

As many of you know, at the beginning of this year I announced that I would be taking a sabattical from regular blogging.  Seeing as the fabric of North American society would likely unravel without regular posts about , I decided to open up the hallowed doors of Gray's Matter to anyone who wanted to post about how I shaped their very existence, thus
a) leaving everyone with nothing but incredibly inspiring essays for a two-week period
b) skyrocketing the average post quality of this blog by a factor of ten million. 

At this time, I'd like to thank the following people for participating in this venture.  Clicking on the name will bring you to *their* tribute post, from which you can also find links to their own blogs:

George Clingerman (contest entry)
Ridley Thunder (contest entry)
Russell Ball (contest entry)
Donald Belcham (contest entry)
Kyle Baley (contest entry)
D'Arcy Lussier (entry 1, and entry 2)
Dave Woods (contest entry)
Ben Walters (who did not make a post, but created the image you see above - unfortunately the contest is not open to extended family, Ben!!  But once you marry my sister-in-law I just *may* allow you to call me your friend IN PUBLIC!!)

Choosing between these posts is like parents choosing their favorite child - they *say* it's hard but really it ends up defaulting to whichever child is the best looking.  So with that, I can now officially announce that the *winner* of the "What Justice Gray Means to Me" contest is...

actually *two* people!!

That's right, in the end I could not narrow it down to just *one* person.  So let's give a big round of applause to winner #1:

Russell Ball, The Caffienated Coder

Some would suspect that Russell Ball only won on the basis of the sheer amount of flowery praise and adulation in his post.  To those nay-sayers, I point you to the fact that I recieve claims of undying admiration, love, and sexual attraction from friends, peers, co-workers, and various cashiers on an almost hourly basis.  Let your jealousy rest!  The true reason Russell is a winner in this contest is due to him writing a post that I can completely re-use as an "About Justice Gray" post!  Thanks very much to Russell for his participation, but most of all for saving me work!

Obviously for an entry of this magnitude, even a "Potential Friend of Justice Gray" certificate just isn't enough.  So, considering that Russell is very big on coding to music, he *also* receives:

A Hannah Montana 2 double CD!!

This isn't just any Hanna Montana CD set, either - it's apparently a double CD complete with tunes from another famous artist, Miley Cyrus!!! 

Congratulations, Russell - with this and the "Potential Friend of JG" certificate coming your way, you have now reached a level of superiority among software developers only held by *three* other people - Martin Fowler, Ben Schierman, and the *other* winner of the "What Justice Gray Means to Me" contest...

Jeremy Miller of codebetter.com!!!

How is this even *possible*?  After all, Jeremy Miller isn't listed among the people above who originally posted an entry on this blog!  But he did post an entry - just not on *this* blog.

Jeremy's post back in January, entitled "Should I Blog?" appears at first glance to simply be helpful encouragement motivating other software developers to start adding their voices to the community.  However, upon reading to the *end* of the post, the massive twist is apparent: this entire essay was nothing more than a lengthy tribute to yours truly!!  And I quote,

"And finally, if you're really, really lucky and good, you can become a cultural force like Justice Gray." 

For this final line, Jeremy is not only a winner of this contest, but also a winner at *life itself*.   Congratulations to you Jeremy - I know that you have toiled and sacrificed through your entire career for this very moment.  My only regret in giving you this award: now that you've achieved all that there is to achieve, your retirement from the industry is likely imminent.   

For the culmination of Jeremy's decade-long quest, we not only have a "PFOJG" certificate, but *also*...

The High School Musical Novel, Stories from East High #7 "Friends 4Ever"!!!

This book, like the Hannah Montana 2 CD, is sitting on my desk right now, pristine and unopened.  However, I felt it my civic responsibility to share the back of the book with this audience, so you can all share in the thrills that await Mr. Miller:

"There's a new girl in town!!

When a student names Ashley enrolls at East High, Gabriella, who has plenty of experience transferring to new schools, offers to show her around.  But Gabriella soon begins to wonder if Ashley is using her to get closer to Sharpay and Troy.  After all, Sharpay is throwing a birthday bash at the local country club - the hottest invite of the year!  And Troy's such a cutie - who wouldn't try to catch his eye?  Will Gabriella find that Ashley is true friendship material, or just plain trouble?"

Before you ask, the answer is NO - I do not know how this book ends!  For answers to these questions (and anything to do with High School Musical), you'll have to ask Jeremy himself.

"But what about me?  WHAT ABOUT D'ARCY!??!"

Many of you know that D'Arcy Lussier gave a terrifying magnum opus on this blog several months ago that mentally scarred a nation.   For those who have not read it, I encourage you not to unless you are looking to see photographs of Bil Simser's genitals.  Let's just leave it at that and move on.

However, D'Arcy, knowing that a "Potential Friend of Justice Gray" certificate was the *only* thing that would get his peers to finally take him seriously as a software developer, made a *second* post, this one a little less drug-addled but no less obsequious.  Unfortunately for D'Arcy this post was *also* disqualified as he somewhat plagarized George Clingerman's feel-good inspirational message of the century.  Yes, it was his own spin but I couldn't risk George shivving D'Arcy to death at the MVP Summit.  You might even say that my refusal to give D'Arcy a "Potential Friend of Justice Gray" award saved his life.  No need to thank me - I perform humanitarian feats like this all the time.

However, *very* recently D'Arcy went all out in his attempt to get some sort of "in" for this contest.  You would think that the dedication of "I Touch Myself" to me would be quite significant, but it's unfortunately the (at last count) 1,214th time someone has dedicated this song to me before belting it out.  However, D'Arcy has made history as the first *man* who has done so, so it deserves some recognition.  As well, D'Arcy put together an audiovisual tour de force that we'll talk about in our next post - some moments were funny, other moments were touching, but every moment was inspiring, considering it was entirely dedicated to my favorite subject ever - myself.  Really, there was no way I could let that go without giving him *some* sort of award.

Unfortunately, giving D'Arcy a "Justice Gray" award for this so late in the contest (remember, this ended back in January) would be unfair to the hard work and the tears that Russell Ball and Jeremy Miller lovingly crafted into their essays.  While originally planning to send D'Arcy a chocolate medal saying "Thanks for participating", I eventually decided to give him an award that benefits more than one person in the community:


This is a win for everyone involved - D'Arcy recieves his first certificate of significance, and Donald Belcham recieves his very first friend.   You'll note that there is no secondary prize listed on here, although previous recipients of the "Potential Friend of Justice Gray" award know what that award is - trust me when I say to you, D'Arcy, perhaps you are better off not claiming it!

Note to all winners: please send me your snail-mail address and I will be happy to provide you with your prizes - otherwise I will send them to you for DevTeach!

Although my sleuthing skills are truly legendary, I can't take credit for this disturbing discovery.  No, it was head detective Shane Soldice (and his assistant Kelly Cassidy) that originally pointed out the strange nature of the relationship between Scott Guthrie (grand poobah of Microsoft's developers) and D'Arcy Lussier (grand poobah of the All-You-Can-Eat-Chicken-Wing-Night at the local Winnipeg pub):


I can't help but think that this puzzle would have been better left unsolved*.

* At least Scott looks happy, I guess

I suppose there are bigger problems.

Thanks to D'Arcy Lussier's liveblogging, we have a glimpse as to what gets discussed when Microsoft MVPs all get together to chat.  As you know, I am keenly interested in the Microsoft MVC (as I am using it fairly heavily right now, and on paid projects to boot) and thus was also keenly interested in some of the events going on this week.  What would the development community say about the MVC? What would Microsoft have to say about the MVC?    Apparently the answers are "not too much" and "marketing, marketing, marketing", respectively, given D'Arcy's posts.

The first ominous signs began with this snippet from Day 1:
""We had alot of good discussion, but what I really got out of it was how muddled the message really is around ASP.NET. First we had ASP.NET and all the touted drag and drop goodness...then we had some attempts at guidance and standards...now we're getting MVC, and there's clearly some confusion about how everything fits, and what should be used when. This is something that obviously we have to start talking up within our communities and trying to figure out."

So...there's a Microsoft conference chock full of Microsoft's *hand-picked* community leadership and Microsoft employees.   Out of this large group of people *no one* can figure out where everything fits together? 

Of course, I panicked for naught, because Microsoft was there to straighten this message out later in the day with *brand new* guidance about the MVC.  Just some of the notable quotes included:

"MVC is a car, WebForms is a motorcycle*"
"MVC is just an *alternative*"

I couldn't figure out just where I had heard this before, until I realized that it was actually from every single presentation or screencast Microsoft has pushed out since its announcement!  Is the wholesale regurgitation of blog posts and webcasts the kind of guidance being given to MVPs in need? 

I don't want to be a massive downer about this sort of thing.  For certain the MVP summit is a *fantastic* opportunity for some of the thought leadership in the Microsoft community to come together and hash out some great directions for the future.  Am I wrong for assuming that in this case, the direction seems a little bit less than forward?

* It could be vice versa, I always get them confused because WebForms and MVC are of course SOOOOOOOOOOO ALIKE

I've been silent about this issue for fear of causing an all-out riot in Seattle this week, but the flurry of E-mails, concerned phone calls, and lingerie stapled to my door have forced me to issue the following "press release":

Yes, it is true - I was *not invited* to the MVP Summit.

And of course, the obvious question: okay, fair enough, I suppose that "Why can't I stop crying?" and "Is this truly a death knell for our great industry?" also immediately sprung to mind for 90% of you. 

But the *one*question on *everyone's* mind right now is simply: WHY?

Unfortunately, there are no easy answers.  Some of the thousands of possibilities include:

• a clerical error of earth-shattering importance
• a dark conspiracy preventing the attendance of any male that is sexually appealling
• my not holding a Microsoft MVP designation? (note: unlikely)

Even just looking at this list of three alternatives, it's clear that the answer could be absolutely anything.  Don't waste your time thinking about it!  I'm not sure we'll *ever* know the truth. 

It saddens me to think that this message has come too late for poor Digipen, no doubt covered in bodily fluids from the hordes of people that descended on the campus to erupt all over it in a spectacular urinary "fireworks" display.  That being said, I believe for the good of all involved this senseless carnage has to stop.  I'm as flattered as anyone would be by a mass excretion done in their name, but I am asking you all to put down your...erm...whatever and understand that I am happy to not be at the conference (and I mean this legitimately). 

How can I possibly say this?  Because for the last several days, I have been the recipient of several cell phone messages left by my great friend and newly minted MVP, D'Arcy Lussier!  Not the strange, jilted lover style messages such as those that Donald Belcham had left on my phone back at DevTeach, but hysterical ones.  D'Arcy's desire to keep me included has led to some of the funniest messages I have ever heard left on my phone. 


Message 1 (after he phoned to interrupt Mrs. L and I watching Empire Strikes Back to tell me that Darth Vader is Luke's father):
"Hey Justice - this is D'Arcy again.  How in the world did this slip my mind??  LUKE AND LEIA ARE BROTHER AND SISTER!!  Yes, that means that the kiss they shared - TOTALLY incest.  At least, that's what I think happ...no, wait, I just heard something about Tom [Opgenorth] kissing Han Solo.  No, wait, it's that Tom *wants* to kiss Han Solo.  Anyway, have a great night!"

Message 2 (actually clipped from a conversation we were having)
"Hey, Justice!   George Clingerman says to get good at something so that one day you can be nominated too!"

Message 3:
"Justice!  I just wanted to tell you we are having the most amazing dinner right now.  Steak, salmon, and we are surrounded by hot Asian women.  They came up to me and said (Japanese accent) "Ya...kurosawa...Justice Gray?" but I'm like, "I'm sorry, he's not here!  Seriously, what can *I* do about it?"  Anyway, you are missing out.  Actually, I'm kidding and we're actually not at a Japanese restaurant at all and we're sitting with a bunch of European *guys*.  But it sounds better the other way.  Anyway, just wanted to make sure you're okay!  Have a great night!"

Message 4 (approx 30-60 minutes later):
"Justice!  I don't know how I forgot to tell you this before, but tonight David Woods was caught dry humping a baby kangaroo.   Obviously he's moved on from the goats into the realms of legend.  Just thought you'd want to hear about it.  Have a good night buddy!"

At least, I laughed because I thought that 4th message was a joke - apparently I was mistaken...

I have never quoted so liberally from another person's post before, but extreme events require extreme measures. 

Here's the most recent post from my friend and fellow exec of the Edmonton .NET User Group, Donald Belcham (also known in both development circles and BDSM communities as the Igloo Coder). 

"I figured I should put up a bit of info about my plans for this spring's conference season.  So here they are.

April 14 - 17, MVP Summit...and of course Party with Palermo.  I'm only an attendee at this one, but I'm sure it'll be an interesting experience going to the mothership for the first time.

April 18 - 20, Alt.Net Seattle.  Again, only an attendee...or is anyone 'only' an attendee at an Open Spaces conference.

May 12 -16, DevTeach Toronto.  Speaking at this one.  As always I'm sure it'll be a great conference which will allow you to get quality face time with speakers and other people with great ideas.

May 19 & 20, The Great Developer Summit Bangalore. This one is going to be very interesting.  I've never been to India.  I'm from a wee-tiny-hick-town, not a city with many millions in it.  I don't do well in heat.  What I am looking forward to is seeing how passionate, pragmatic and skilled our development counterparts 1/2 way around the world are."

Now, it's easy to misread this as a simple "Here's my travelling schedule for the next month or two in the event you want to share a beer with me", instead of perhaps one of the most courageous posts of 2008.

Tragically easy.

Luckily for everyone, especially Donald, I am a *master* of critical analysis.  Let's re-read that last paragraph with the important points highlighted.

"May 19 & 20, The Great Developer Summit Bangalore. This one is going to be very interesting.  I've never been to India.  I'm from a wee-tiny-hick-town, not a city with many millions in it.  I don't do well in heat.  What I am looking forward to is seeing how passionate, pragmatic and skilled our development counterparts 1/2 way around the world are."

That's right - Donald Belcham is trying to tell you all that in addition to being a software development legend, he also suffers from male impotence.

You can laugh if you like, but to share this story with the entire internet takes a lot of testicular fortitude - certainly ironic considering the subject.  On its own, this post seems rather strange - after all, wouldn't you just go see a doctor rather than tell the entire development community?  But if you take into account his previous post, you can see the *true* message my good friend is trying to share:
 
It doesn't matter whether you have successfully migrated your team from VSS to Subversion if you don't have functioning genitals.

I'd like to take this opportunity to rally the community's support.  With the Microsoft MVP Summit only one week away, I want my friend to be able to hold his head high - it might be the only part he can!  It is now *my* turn to plead - to all of you MVPs out there, I am hoping you will be able to at least buy Donald a drink (if not several kilograms of Viagra) in order to show your support for his devastating disorder!

I have also made a small image you can handily post on *your* web site, or print and wear on a physical button if you want to show Donald you care about his well-being.


And to Donald: as always, you don't have to thank me for bringing attention to this - it's just what friends do!  We've got your back buddy!

No, this isn't me joining the party late - in fact I've titled this post to be innocuous enough that most people are just going to skip over it in their blog-reading. 

Here's the revelation - one of the people who confessed to being the ALT.NET Pursefighter on April the 1st (no, I'm not linking to them, you'll have to find out each and every person I was referring to), actually *is* the ALT.NET Pursefighter.

April Fool's indeed, because that author certainly fooled you twice over!

Well, I have to say for one month this is pretty awesome. See below.

That table above represents the difference between this week and last week.  Below we have the difference between today and when I started this back on February 17th...


This means that in the last month, I've managed to lose 7 pounds, drop 2 inches off of my waist, and drop my body fat % by 3.1 percent, while losing minimal muscle measurements.

Rock on!  And this is just month 1!!!

Some reasonably good results this week, especially when you take into account the net change over the last 3 weeks! We've also learned that apparently we can't measure shoulders worth a damn in the Gray household, if you've been tracking previous weeks!

Overall since starting this three weeks back: