Second time is the charm?

Something has been keeping me up at nights recently and that something is Kyle Baley.    This is not meant in any perverse way whatsoever, but I know that despite this disclaimer I now have to make my annual request to all of the Justice Gray/Kyle Baley fanfic-writing "shippers" out there to please put your pens down.  Forever.    All right, now that we've gotten that out of the way I can explain to you my totally rational and not at all questionable reasons that I have been tormented by visions of Kyle for the last several months.

Those of you who are only familiar with Kyle through pictures of him shirtless in a leather jacket, lying next to some other dude are no doubt confused - perhaps even *amorously* confused, and who would blame you, I am sure - about why he deserves recognition.  If you happen to be more aware of Kyle's body of work, you likely agree with me that it's a miscarriage of justice that he has been passed over four times for the most coveted award in the software development industry today, *and* not received a Microsoft MVP award either.  Long-time readers will remember that I once recommended 4 people for the Microsoft MVP designation.  Scant months later, Microsoft honored 3 of those 4 developers and the 4th was Kyle Baley.  This snub would have been easily overlooked if it had not continued for something like 17 subsequent nominations, at which point it became less of an oversight and more of - dare we say - a conspiracy.  Anyway, back to sleepless nights.

Every 6 months it seems like the internet begins its regular whine/debate about how the Microsoft MVP program is lacking credibility.  SNORE.  This debate is tired because we already *know* the MVP program is a sad mockery of a recognition program.  Why? Kyle Baley is pretty much the MVP of the entire world, yet he is not a *Microsoft* MVP.  I then realized why I was waking up in cold sweats every evening after I posted a new entry in the Winners At Life series - because Kyle Baley had not yet been a recipient.  Thus this program of celebration and recognition, designed to be the one award system in the software development and consulting industries that truly mattered, could only keep its credibility and prestige if I declared Kyle Baley the 5th Winner At Life.  This is not to denigrate the previous winners of this award, all of whom have gone on to wonderful careers in software consulting, entrepeneurship, law enforcement and the adult film industry; however, Kyle has his own unique qualifications for this award that very few can match:

1. Kyle is a talented software developer, not quite the greatest ever like the author of this blog but probably a close 2nd place
2. Kyle is a great presenter and a pragmatic thinker as this blog has attested to on more than one occasion
3. Kyle lives in the Bahamas.    If that weren't enough, Kyle works from home and has a swimming pool in his backyard.  That's right, Kyle Baley lives a lifestyle one can only dream of.  Kyle makes it sound like it's all difficult with stuff like "home invasions" and whatnot, but let's get real, the only time someone gives you a home invasion in the Bahamas is to give you a surprise hug and whisper "Thanks for living here" in your ear before taking off to share that joie de vivre with someone else.
4. Kyle is chased by other celebrities, just like yours truly
5. Kyle was once accused of being me with a clever disguise    
6. in yet another stunning similarity to yours truly, Kyle has an Asian wife.  As I can attest to, this demonstrates not only exemplary taste in women but great wisdom in general.

Before all of you with Asian girlfriends or wives bombard me with E-mails, letters and videos that:
a) beg me to make you a Winner At Life
b) offer your girlfriend or wife to me in *exchange* for being named a Winner At Life (let's remember I am happily married *and* a committed Christian)

you should ask yourselves the following questions:

• "Am I the 2nd or 3rd greatest software developer that ever lived?"
• "Do I work from home as an independent consultant and live a rebel's life?"

• "Do I live in the Bahamas or somewhere equally paradisical?"
• "Do I think 'paradisical' should be a real word rather than just one in Justice's vocabulary?"
• "Do I think Justice should be in *charge* of the world's vocabulary?"

If you are able to answer all of these questions in the affirmative, then we maybe can start negotiating.  These awards aren't candy!

Finally, there is one other reason I felt the need to recognize Kyle - I need to remind Kyle that he and I are friends.  That's right Kyle - on Monday, October 5, 2009 please remember that we are blood brothers to the end.  In fact I would ask my entire audience to remember on Monday that Kyle and I are best buddies, truly two hearts beating with just one mind but in an explosively and totally hetero way.  Why? 

Oh, you'll find out...but in the meantime, you can find Kyle either on his blog at Codebetter or on twitter at @kbaley!

This is a *VERY* exciting week for Gray's Matter and by extension the software industry in general, and not just because your role model is back from a 3 week vacation in the remotest regions of the planet, places where the internet is not only a foreign concept but in fact considered to be an urban myth.   To commemorate my courageously surviving while abroad we will be featuring not just one but *two* Winners At Life in the next seven days.  That's right, everyone is a winner this week. 

Most of you know that I - along with a previous Winner At Life, Peter Ritchie - am in charge of the Developer Foundations track for Microsoft's TechDays 2009.    Many of you *also* know how Justice Gray writes presentation abstracts.  Let me assure you that the only difference between the abstracts I have written in the past and the abstracts written for TechDays is that these ones actually focus on technical content rather than the history of Laurence Gowan's music or how to get past level 116 in Chip's Challenge.  You can imagine how concerned I was when finding out that my usual style of writing was up against a foe that even I might not be able to defeat - Microsoft legal.

This is where Damir Bersinic comes in.  You see, Damir for all intents and purposes *is* Microsoft legal.  Better yet, like myself he has incredibly good taste in presentation abstracts and thus not only are the session abstracts approved, but they were largely unaltered from their originals.  This was enough by itself to earn my respect, but Damir was was not satisified with merely respect and instead went one step further to earn my undying adulation.   Here is a look at a "before legal" and "after legal" version of one of the abstracts to show why Damir is my newest personal hero and thus your newest personal hero as well.

Here is one of the Developer Foundations sessions, after legal looked at it:

Session 2: Going from 0 to 100 Dollars per Hour with the .NET You Never Knew

Getting tired of seeing software developers lounging on yachts and sipping margaritas all day and wondering when the “good life” is coming your way? We’ll give you a hint, true software development success starts with understanding:

• How generics can be used for more than just collections
• The true power of lambdas and anonymous methods
• The ins and outs of LINQ to objects
• Proper error handling beyond try-catch-finally
• The importance of regular bathing

This presentation will give you guidance on everything else - and more - so that you too can say that .NET helped you retire by the time you were 30!

Here is that same session, *before* legal.  I have noted the sentence that was chopped out in bold italics.

• how generics can be used for more than just collections
• the true power of lambdas and anonymous methods
• the ins and outs of LINQ to objects
• proper error handling beyond try-catch-finally
• the importance of regular bathing

We're not legally allowed to show you how to do that last one at this conference, but this presentation will give you guidance on everything else - and more - so that you too can say that .NET helped *you* retire by the time you were 30!

Yes, you read that right.  Damir has not only left our presentation abstracts largely intact but in fact, he has changed the abstracts to allow things that *I* found legally questionable.  If there was any doubt in your mind that TechDays 2009 is going to be a conference to remember, this should erase all doubts.  And in the unlikely event that you are still unsure, tomorrow morning the other three sessions and their abstracts will be revealed.   Go to the TechDays site and get their early bird registration while you still can - tomorrow you will read these sessions and want to go to TechDays so badly that you may likely resort to selling yourself on the street to get a TechDays registration.  Knowing the average software developers build, I can tell you that prostitution is likely not your conference-going solution - you just don't have that kind of time!

His blog says "software developer".  His crazed eyes and goatee say "deranged felon".  His devil-may-care grin and tousled hair say "1970s porn star"!  Peter Ritchie, my friends, is all this and more - and today he is also the 3rd of Justice Gray's "Winners At Life".  There are four major reasons why Peter Ritchie is featured today:

1) He publicly agreed with something that I said.   Did he agree because he came to the same conclusion independently?   Did he (far more likely) agree simply because he's a massive Justice Gray fan and would agree with anything I said on principle alone?  Does it matter?    The point is that:

a) Peter Ritchie cares about the software development industry
b) more importantly, Peter Ritchie cares about what Justice Gray thinks of him. 

That is a pretty good set of priorities right there!  Anyone can emulate that almost immediately and become a far better person for it.

2) He influenced the direction of Gray's Matter.  Over a year ago, Peter Ritchie complained on Twitter that "Wow, I left a comment on Justice Gray's blog and now I am getting E-mails asking about my genitalia" (E-mails not sent by me, I can assure you!), which forced me to re-evaluate whether the comments this blog had been receiving from a "Mr. Stiff" were *really* from a kind but unfortunately named man who just happened to mistype his family-friendly URL for a more questionable site.  I mulled this over for an entire *year* before switching to the spam-free engine you see today!  All for Peter Ritchie!

3) Just look at the guy.  

However, all three of these reasons pale in comparison to the *main* reason Peter Ritchie is the 4th entry in the "Winners At Life" series...

4)  I can't tell you why.

No, I can't tell you why.  Not yet.  As much as I want to let you know why Peter Ritchie deserves your adulation *almost* as much as yours truly, I am not at liberty to say.  But coincidentally,

• tomorrow is August 7th
• tomorrow will, as promised, be one of the most exciting (and shocking!) announcements in Gray's Matter history
• perhaps we can blow the lid off of two mysteries at once!!!!

Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion to both *this* Winners At Life entry, and the proclamation that some of you never thought you would hear! 

And no, it is not that I am eloping with Peter Ritchie*!! 


* We are merely blood brothers FOR LIFE

Previous entries in the Winners At Life series:
#01: 5x1llz
#02: Nate Kohari

Nate is the one on the left

Welcome to not only the second installment in the series about the role models and inspirations of your role model and inspiration, but more importantly the first time any series begun at Gray's Matter has gone beyond one entry!!   I would call this a history making post if we didn't take it for granted that this blog makes history every day.

Today's "Winner at Life" is someone I have admired for a long time and for a multitude of reasons, including:

• he is an entrepreneur
• he has funky glasses
• he is an ace hacker
• he has a great eye for design
• he seems to be a snappy dresser
• he bathes regularly
• he has an beautiful wife who also wears funky glasses
• he is unabashedly heterosexual

The discerning reader will have noticed that all of these traits are also traits I could have used to describe myself.  By proclaiming Nate Kohari one of Justice Gray's Winners At Life it might appear that I am sending a message - a message stating that you can become a Winner At Life by being as similar to me as possible.  Before a legion of wannabes demands to be written into the ledger of the Winners At Life, I should clarify that in these instances you should:

a) be similar enough to me for me to respect you
b) then, do something above and beyond that for me to admire you

And trust me, if I was not already a rampaging hetero, people would probably be questioning how healthy my admiration for Nate Kohari is!  In addition to all of the characteristics I've listed above, Nate is also the author of Ninject, the only dependency injection framework that has its own merchandising line and the only dependency injection framework you should ever use.  I love Ninject so much that I try to find excuses to insert it into any software architecture I'm working on, no matter how little sense it makes for it to be there (I can't tell you how disappointed I was when I couldn't get it going with my IPhone dev, but I'm still working on it).  Take it from me,

• Ninject is the best dependency injection framework ever made
• If you don't agree with me, you have deep-seated emotional issues and I recommend counselling.

Nate, not satisfied with thoroughly domainating the domain of dependency injection, has now moved onto so even larger goals; he and his wife have debuted Zen, a web-based project management tool that - while not expressly stated in the literature -  will solve all of your problems.   And when I say all, I mean all.   Wearing all black, cutting yourself at night and whining about how the world doesn't understand your pain?  Zen understands.   It can't do anything about you being a total loser, but it understands.   Relationship in trouble?  Working on Zen with your significant other might just reignite that spark the two of you have been missing, and if it can't, at least you've have organized your household chores!   Suffering from a painful urinary infection?   See a doctor.

Now if Zen is powerful enough to do these things, imagine what it can do to streamline your complicated, overburdened project management processes!   While it might be too early to say that Zen is the Ninject of project management, it is never too early to say that if any one person can singlehandedly bring agility into companies and the discipline of project management, it will be Nate Kohari.

I hope that this missive has shown you why Nate Kohari is a "Winner At Life" and why he is one of my heroes.  And how can a hero of Justice Gray avoid becoming a hero of yours?  That's right, they can't.  So for those of you who don't already subscribe to his blog or follow his twitter feed, I highly recommend you do so and through this perhaps one day you *too* can be featured on this series!

Previous entries in the "Winner At Life" series:
#01: 5x1llz

Welcome to the brand-new weekly (monthly? yearly?) series that you *need* here on Gray's Matter, the series that aims to help out all of you out there who are passionate like me about self-improvement.  Unfortunately there's a common misconception out there, at least in the development field, that the four steps to self-improvement are:

• locating a Asian word first referred to in North America by a Super NES game about 2 dudes in pajamas fighting with streamers
• tattooing it on your left buttock
• telling everyone else that you tattooed it on your left buttock
• attending a "conference" where you show your left buttock to a whole bunch of other dudes who are showing you their left buttock

I've got news for you - this isn't self-improvement, this is going to a bathhouse. 

As I have a responsibility as the guiding light of the software development and consulting industries, I've decided to show you all how to be really successful - and what better way to show you than by introducing you to the men, the women, and the pseudonyms that have influenced or motivated the most outstanding person you know?  Everyone featured in the "Winners At Life" series has been intensely vetted and scrutinized by the harshest judge of radness that there is - yours truly.  A person featured here is someone I know who I think *you* should know! 

And for our very first entry, let's chat about the "mystery blogger" I referred to in yesterday's post about design influence:  5x1llz!!

There are three reasons that 5x1llz was listed as a design influence for Gray's Matter:
a) 5x1llz has talent
b) 5x1llz has passion
c) more importantly, 5x1llz has style. 

 5x's blog is so awesome that even though it *should* get you to:

• think "Everything I've ever done online has been a total waste of time and bytes in comparison"
• throw your laptop under a bus
• start applying for jobs wiping up "spills" at the seniors home/next MVP summit (I'm just kidding about that last one, everyone knows you can't get a job cleaning up bodily fluids at the MVP summit unless you're a Hotmail MVP)

it has the reverse effect - I don't know whether it is the impeccable choices of imagery or the passion for learning evidenced in every post but there is *something* about 5x1llz' site that says to the reader:
a) this is fantastic
b) *you* are fantastic for reading it!


You will likely be shocked to find out that 5x1llz is not actually this blogger's real name.  "5x1llz" has obviously learned from observing my own experiences that being a global internet celebrity is not all its cracked up to be.  I can't tell you the number of times *I've* thought to myself, "If only I was ugly and unknown,  maybe I could buy this grapefruit without getting sexually harassed".   In the end, though, I simply tell myself that having to deal with the occasional bank teller who asks me to sign their chest is a worthwhile cross to bear in order to reshape the consulting and development industries forever.   I can see how this level of obsessive fandom might be enough to scare 5x1llz from standing revealed, or it might be that they simply don't want to be bombarded by people and companies asking 5x1llz to come and save them from themselves.  Unlike many of you however, I actually *am* lucky enough to know who 5x1llz is "in real life" and can say definitively that there are not too many people who can match 5x1llz' enthusiasm for learning or 5x1llz' raw ability.  Even if you're not a fan of passionate, knowledgable software development/consulting discussion, *everyone* is a fan of shining teeth and gold rims!

Now, obviously with great success comes great levels of potential professional jealousy- I would remind any haters out there that there is plenty of room for everyone in life to be awesome - that is, unless you code in VB or use WebForms.  Use 5x1llz (both blog and twitter) as an inspiration to take yourself to the next level!!