As I was saying on Facebook this evening, I am now available to name your companies and/or your children for a small nominal fee.  For an additional fee I will make sure to give your company and your child *different* names!  However, as a small freebie I will let you in on how I come up with such amazing names for children and companies - I give them the patented Justice Gray CIO test.

For the uninformed among you, the CIO test is as follows: can you seriously see the CIO of a potential client using the name of your company in a sentence without laughing?  For example, "Well, after careful consideration Star Beta Five is the winner of the RFP".  No way.  It's just not happening.  You need to ensure that your name can be stated in a sentence without people collapsing in hysterics!  This logic of course, also works for children (who I'm hoping you don't name Star Beta Five).

Now, the second tip I'll offer here is that if you want to make sure your company is taken seriously, you need a name that is serious.  Something that involves serious concepts like:

• wolves
• blood
• or both

Like "BloodWolf"!  You can also add "BloodWolf" - or its more professional variation "BloodWolf Inc." - to the end of *any* company name to give it an instant dose of credibility.  Let's try this again with the name we used above:

Before: "Well, after careful consideration Star Beta Five is the winner of the RFP."

After: "Well, after careful consideration Star Beta Five Bloodwolf Inc. is the winner of the RFP, *and* I'd like to have children with their CEO at the nearest opportunity."

As an additional favor to all of you (Happy Valentine's Day) I checked and currently www.starbetafivebloodwolfinc.com is not taken!  Could this be your chance to hit it big?  Don't miss out!

I've even given you a possible logo, if you can secure the rights!

In the event you didn't follow where I was going with this post and this post, someone has written even more extensively on the same topic. Actually, so has:

• this person
• this person
• this person
• aaaand this person.

This is the future of computing. Will the IPad be that future?  It's hard to say.  But nonetheless, this is where computing is going.  You should get ready, because mark my words, the Windows operating system will someday be like the mainframe punchcard computers of yesteryear.  I don't mean horribly technically outdated - I mean that gradually the usage of Windows OS as a personal operating system will go away, and the only place you'll see Windows is in the enterprise or in other more "work" style environments.  What the IPad represents is what your children are going to be using, what my grandparents and your grandparents are going to be using.  When I first saw the IPad presentation, I was underwhelmed until I went for lunch with a very, very, *very* smart friend of mine when we realized - hey, we're supposed to be underwhelmed - we're not the demographic being targeted.  I know that is tough to hear for some of the software developers who read this bog, since you're used to being shunned by polite society anyway! 

Sounds crazy, doesn't it?  Well, remember that yours truly, the Nostradamus of the computing industry, also previously proclaimed:

• That Microsoft would see the error of its ways regarding Javascript.  This was at a time when some of Microsoft's evangelists were all, "Who even likes working with Javascript, right? Watch us spin a couple of squares with Silverlight!"  A couple of years later and now we have JQuery as the library of choice with the Microsoft MVC.  For those of you who read this that are not technically inclined, "who even likes working with Javascript?" is akin to saying, "Who even likes washing their hands before eating dinner?", which come to think of it, explains Silverlight's popularity in Manitoba!!
• (Speaking of the MS MVC) that the MS MVC was the future of web development, and that WebForms was on its way to being legacy technology.  Well, well, none other than Scott Guthrie agrees!  "I don't see that anywhere in the article,  Justice!"  Trust me.  In my next post I will use my incredible literary analysis skills (honed from the age of 2) to open your eyes.  Again for those of you who don't have a computing background, the difference between the MS MVC and WebForms is like the difference between using indoor plumbing and throwing your feces against the wall - they both resolve the underlying issue but the latter is a heck of a lot messier and was only acceptable in the dark ages.
• Vista would be a flop.  And it was such a rousing success that Microsoft actually invited yours truly to an "influencer meeting" across the country where I learned all about how to sell Vista to the enterprise.  (I might argue that Microsoft first went wrong in calling me an "influencer", actually, but to be fair they have made some pretty spectacular decisions in the past along with the questionable ones).

I remember wrhen I wrote about why I thought Vista wasn't compelling.   Sure, someone chimed in to tell me all about all of the under the hood improvements that would *guarantee* everyone would get it, and as I said back then, "Why does my mother care about IIS7?  Or Bitlocker?"  But my mother?  She'll care about the IPad.  And that is why the future doesn't belong to you, or to me - because we're the fringe elements on this one, my friends. 

The mainstream is coming.  You should get ready.

Courtesy "Eyesore of the Month":

"We're not thinking about fighting Sony, but about how many people we can get to play games. The thing we're thinking about most is not portable systems, consoles, and so forth, but that we want to get new people playing games."
- Nintendo President Satoru Iwata on the Nintendo Wii

"I love your...what do they call that?  The IPhone?  It makes everything so easy!!   But the screen is so small - I could never read or type anything on it!"
- My grandmother  

"Why do you keep writing 'There's no more info online?  Don't you understand that a lot of seniors don't have a computer, much less the internet?  And it's so hard for some of us to get on the internet anyway!"
- Letter to the Editor, Edmonton Journal

"This will be the most important thing I've ever done."
-A rumored quote from Steve Jobs, co-founder and CEO of Apple, referring to the Apple IPad

I put a certain level of faith in the audience for this blog that if you're reading this message you are a person of discriminating taste and the highest intelligence, so I'm certain you can figure out where I'm headed with this one, but sometime this weekend/beginning of next week you'll see why!

A common misconception of Christianity

• Justice is a Christian with a capital C
• Justice explained what Christianity is by explaining what Christianity isn't

Yes, I know that originally you were promised the next installment of this series would focus on an explanation of "Cat & Dog Theology" but hey, you were also promised the next installment of this series would take place six months ago.  We'll get to cats and dogs  next time, because my pastor had an aside today that really spoke to me and I felt compelled to share it with whomever actually kept reading after they realized that this was another "Justice and the Bible" post.  In the end, it will all tie into "Cat and Dog Theology" anyway and I'm sure at that time half of you will be compelled to ask why a man of my genius, vision and excessive humility chose to go into software consulting rather than becoming a minister at some megachurch somewhere.  Anyway, what better place to get started talking about the Bible than where it all began: in the Garden of Eden and the book of Genesis.  Yes, it's an essay.  You'll live.

For the few of you who are not aware, here's the Coles Notes of the book of Genesis:

1. God creates the world
2. God creates Adam and Eve
3. God gives Adam and Eve some simple instructions
4. Adam and Eve botch that sucker hardcore
5. God kicks them out of the garden, but God rocks and gives them some guidance
6. several more generations of God being awesome

and then we're in Exodus.  And now you know the rest of the story.  John Piper and Steve Harvey have nothing on me.  Seriously, this is as much background as you actually need to know for what I'm going to talk about today, which is:

3.  God gives Adam and Eve some simple instructions

Here are said instructions:

Genesis 2:16 - "And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden;"
Genesis 2:17 - "but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."

Now, I don't want to understate Genesis 2:17 - I normally don't post spoilers on this blog but Adam and Eve eat from the bad tree.  As a result of this action, you are reading this blog right now rather than lounging around somewhere in paradise eating pineapple or *gasp* something even better than pineapple.

"No way!!"  SERIOUSLY.

That's right, the original sin is what brought us to this point. 

Here's the neat thing about Genesis 2:16 and 2:17.  Both of them are exhortations, one of them focusing on what *to* do and the other on what *not* to do.  Now, Genesis 2:16 at its root is awesome.  Imagine God going to you and saying, "Listen - I have given you these gifts, take them and enjoy them to my glory."  In fact, this is echoed in other instructions through the Bible, such as

Ephesians 2:10 - "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

and one of my three favorite Bible verses of *all time* from my favorite Bible book of all time - Ecclesiastes 3:12-13:

"I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God."

Lots of focus in Christianity is given to Adam and Eve's failure to listen to God when he said "Don't eat from the tree of life".  Much less focus is given on their failure to listen to God when he said, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden."  This is where many of us go wrong as Christians, where we focus so much on the avoidance of sin that we try to live a life that is exclusively focused on avoidance of sin.  Now, before anyone says, "Awesome, Justice just said it's okay for me to sleep with 3 hookers tonight" sin is bad news.   We do need to flee from it because we are called to examples of Christ in the world.  What I am talking about is the kind of Christian whose entire "walk" with Jesus consists of:

• did I sin today?
• how often did I sin today?
• how "badly" did I sin today?
• how can I avoid sinning tomorrow?

What kind of a life is that?  I put "walk" in quotes because - let's get real - you're not "walking" with Christ if the only place in your life for Christianity is for a sin management ledger with "sins avoided" on one side and "sins committed" on the other.

It's by living this avoidant life that we fall into the *other* trap Adam and Eve fell into - ignoring the blessings and the calling of the Lord in our lives.  What if we stopped avoiding the call of the Lord in our hearts and our minds, and instead of asking ourselves "sin management" questions, we asked ourselves questions like these every day:

• How can I glorify God today in my actions?
• How thankful am I to the Lord for the gifts He has given me?
• How much can I do for the Lord in His name with these gifts?
• How can I ensure my life is a lamppost to reflect the light of Christ?

Now, what kind of life is that?

Next time: Cat and Dog theology, what it is and how it changed my direction as a believer forever! 

Yours in Christ,
Justice

Discussion between my wife and I:

Hot wife: "Who sings this version?"

Justice: "Honey, there's only *one* version of this song."

Witnessed in the Vancouver airport when I came back from my vacation this Christmas...

I'm sure there are many people who wonder about the kinds of New Years resolutions that are made by a living legend.  I'm sorry to disappoint those of you who are circling like vultures, eager to digest any scrap of guidance that will tell you how to live your life, but I actually don't make New Years resolutions myself.  The hard truth is that when you're Justice Gray, every single day is a non-stop parade of outstanding over-achievement.  For example, let's look at the goals I set for myself for today:

• tie up the trash bag
• take it downstairs and throw it out
• flex my bicep in the mirror
• do a push up
• flex my *other* bicep in the mirror

I don't mean to brag, but MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. 

Besides, let's be real here, it's not like *you* set any New Years Resolutions yourself, other than

• try to be as cool as Justice Gray
• crash and buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurn

That is trash. 

So, because I am nothing if not the world's most generous philanthropist, here is your chance to break the cycle.  Instead of you simply setting yourself up for failure, here are New Years Resolutions to follow that will make you, well, maybe 1/8th as great as your idol by the end of this year.  Look, I'm not a miracle worker!

1) Buy Steve Krug's new book

Yes, Steve Krug has a new book out.  "Steve who?"  Steve Krug is the author of "Don't Make Me Think", which is pretty much the bible of usability and user interface design.  If this doesn't apply to your job, then for goodness sake quit your job.  Do you know how rich usability guidance has made your hero?  Here's a hint, my underpants are made of dollar bills and I just set them on fire.  Because I can afford to!

2) Subscribe to Scott Muc's blog

If you don't derive immense satisfaction from software development like the average everyday person does, then ignore this one.  For the rest of you, what are you doing?  Not only can this man rock a 1970s sweater and pornstache like nobody else I know but he is a killer software developer with a lot of great insights, plus he has actually delivered software before which means he is a leg up on 80% of the online community!  He recently and unfortunately left Vancouver to go to Thoughtworks in Calgary.  However, he has already begun blogging about his experiences acclimating to a company where you work for a man that proudly yells out lines from Monty Python movies in crowded public areas, which is sure to be interesting reading!

3) Get Scott Muc fired from Thoughtworks so he moves back to Vancouver

Nuff said!

4) Start working from home

Little known fact: your hero (that would be me) has been working from home 80% of the time for almost 2 years now.  I don't do this because I think having a commute of 30 seconds is phenomenal (though it is).  Nor do clients let me do this because I am (humbly) the most brilliant software developer since Donald Knuth. No, I work at home because I don't like wrecking marriages.  Imagine that every time you say more than two words to a client, they grasp your hand, look into your eyes, down at your wedding ring and burst into tears.  Whether it's "I just refactored this terrible piece of code, you should be ashamed of yourself", "I think we can leverage our synergistic potential to accomplish a complete paradigm shift", or "Hello, my name is Justice Gray", the response is the same...weeping and bedlam.   I know that not all of you have this unfortunate cross to bear. If you are curious about what it is like, the next time you are talking to someone tell them "I know of Justice Gray" or even pretend to be a friend of mine.  Just don't say it to your significant other!

5) Get up at 4 AM in the morning

Second little known fact: your hero gets up at 4 AM in the morning every day.  Seriously, every day.  Some of you will wonder why a man who works from home gets himself up at 4 AM in the morning every day instead of trying to sleep until 12 PM and if you need to wonder about that, then you are never going to understand what it is that (humbly) makes Justice Gray the raddest human being you've ever met.  I'll probably get into explaining how and why I do this over the course of this year if I don't get busy again saving cats from trees or software development industries from themselves.  The point is: I do it, and thus so should you.

6) Join D'Arcy Lussier's book club

Those of you who can read the above line have figured out that my friend D'Arcy Lussier has started a book club.  For those of you who can't, a book club isn't likely to be your first choice of entertainment anyway.  Getting back to the literate among you, I implore you that if my sanity means anything to you, you will join D'Arcy's club and participate in the discussions therein.  I know it seems like an odd connection, but trust a man who had to sit through his last book club attempt discussing the Twilight series.  It's bad enough having to pretend to D'Arcy that I, too, think that Twilight and New Moon are the equivalent of Dostoyevsky's The Brothers Karamazov but there's no good way to answer the question of "Is Edward too much of a bad boy for me?" when it is asked by a 30-something white man from the prairies.  Let's not understate this: D'Arcy Lussier moving away from anything written for a teenaged girl audience is HUGE.  We need to band together and make sure this sticks!!

7) Quit crying you big baby

Ah, Twitter.  I love Twitter and I love being *on* Twitter, and there is nothing anyone loves more than laughing at the poor suckers who make Twitter the biggest unsupervised daycare on the planet.  It doesn't seem to matter what time I am on Twitter, I can always manage to find at least one "WAH WAH WAAAH Microsoft sucks, the MVP program sucks and everyone should do software the way I do it" or "BOOOO HOOO I'm on my millionth "ethical crusade" for software development which is why is it reasonable for me to rant like a toddler ARE YOU PROUD OF ME NOW DAD BAAAAAAAAAAAAAW".  Who the heck *are* these people?  I know, how dare I mock those who obviously spend their moments off the computer repeatedly slamming their genitals in a drawer ("Take *THAT* you corrupt software industry!!") and instead recommend that people use Twitter for actual conversations and learning rather than impotent rhetoric.  But that, my friends, is why I'm the greatest strategy consultant you've ever met, because my guidance saves lives.

And *speaking* of saving lives, it's time for you to save yours and start these resolutions tomorrow!  We'll be back shortly with more inspirational articles for what is bound to be the best year ever, with many of you working in the best industry ever and *all* of you who are reading an article written by the *best person ever*!!!  What a way to begin the greatest decade of your life and trust me, we are just getting started!!

I am not ashamed to say that your hero *wet his pants* today.   In fact, on seeing the below picture again, it seems I have wrecked yet another pair.  Oh well, it's not like I'm going anywhere tonight anyway!!!

That's right, your eyes do not deceive you, Cookie Crisp is now available at Costcos nationwide.

In giant-sized boxes.

I do not know whether I need to give the Harper administration or the Obama administration credit for the biggest victory in US Canadian trade since yours truly nearly moved to Austin a couple of years back, but nonetheless I want to assure both politicians that because of this, you have my vote.  For life.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE