Seriously, I have tons of other things I also want to talk about other than TechDays!  Upcoming posts you can look forward to on Gray's Matter include:

• the revelation of the second Winner at Life for this week (albeit late)
• a book review that has been in the works for 9 months or so, and I can say based on the other reviews for this same book, that this one will shock you
• the beginnings of "My Life As An Architect"
• a post on "The Angry Developer/Industry Critic Anti-Pattern"
• Quite possibly the best real-world explanation of a long held development principle that you will ever see.  No fooling.
• In addition to the resumption of my telling you all why Vancouver is the best and of course, how to be a cagefighter, Christian, and a classy dresser

The best part?  I'm almost positive all of these posts are related in some tangential way.  I know: we weave some rich, complex tapestries here on Gray's Matter but you have come to expect challenging intellectual fare here and I cannot but do what my audience demands.

However for today after finalizing some content-related stuff for the Developer Foundations track, I think it is safe to tell you that you are a moron and a failure if you do not come to TechDays Vancouver.  Microsoft can't tell you something like this in their marketing - you know how corporations are - but you know they are all thinking it.  More importantly, I am thinking it.  Do *you* really want to go through life branded as a social outcast? 

To help promote TechDays, I have a new button that I've made specifically to promote this event and have included here.  I can only hope that this shows up on sites nationwide in preparation!

Microsoft, this image is yours royalty free.

Getting tired of seeing software developers lounging on yachts and sipping margaritas all day and wondering when the “good life” is coming your way? We’ll give you a hint, true software development success starts with understanding:

• How generics can be used for more than just collections
• The true power of lambdas and anonymous methods
• The ins and outs of LINQ to objects
• Proper error handling beyond try-catch-finally
• The importance of regular bathing

This presentation will give you guidance on everything else - and more - so that you too can say that .NET helped you retire by the time you were 30!

I know that some of you passed out in ecstacy at least three times while reading these abstracts.  Heck, I almost did myself and I've read over them a million times!   Let me tell you something - if you think this is awesome, you should see the presenters we have lined up.  I can't speak for Toronto yet.  However, when it comes to Vancouver, Peter and I have not put together a speaker lineup, we have put together a boy band.  And tomorrow we'll find out who these people are!!!

This is a *VERY* exciting week for Gray's Matter and by extension the software industry in general, and not just because your role model is back from a 3 week vacation in the remotest regions of the planet, places where the internet is not only a foreign concept but in fact considered to be an urban myth.   To commemorate my courageously surviving while abroad we will be featuring not just one but *two* Winners At Life in the next seven days.  That's right, everyone is a winner this week. 

Most of you know that I - along with a previous Winner At Life, Peter Ritchie - am in charge of the Developer Foundations track for Microsoft's TechDays 2009.    Many of you *also* know how Justice Gray writes presentation abstracts.  Let me assure you that the only difference between the abstracts I have written in the past and the abstracts written for TechDays is that these ones actually focus on technical content rather than the history of Laurence Gowan's music or how to get past level 116 in Chip's Challenge.  You can imagine how concerned I was when finding out that my usual style of writing was up against a foe that even I might not be able to defeat - Microsoft legal.

This is where Damir Bersinic comes in.  You see, Damir for all intents and purposes *is* Microsoft legal.  Better yet, like myself he has incredibly good taste in presentation abstracts and thus not only are the session abstracts approved, but they were largely unaltered from their originals.  This was enough by itself to earn my respect, but Damir was was not satisified with merely respect and instead went one step further to earn my undying adulation.   Here is a look at a "before legal" and "after legal" version of one of the abstracts to show why Damir is my newest personal hero and thus your newest personal hero as well.

Here is one of the Developer Foundations sessions, after legal looked at it:

Session 2: Going from 0 to 100 Dollars per Hour with the .NET You Never Knew

Getting tired of seeing software developers lounging on yachts and sipping margaritas all day and wondering when the “good life” is coming your way? We’ll give you a hint, true software development success starts with understanding:

• How generics can be used for more than just collections
• The true power of lambdas and anonymous methods
• The ins and outs of LINQ to objects
• Proper error handling beyond try-catch-finally
• The importance of regular bathing

This presentation will give you guidance on everything else - and more - so that you too can say that .NET helped you retire by the time you were 30!

Here is that same session, *before* legal.  I have noted the sentence that was chopped out in bold italics.

• how generics can be used for more than just collections
• the true power of lambdas and anonymous methods
• the ins and outs of LINQ to objects
• proper error handling beyond try-catch-finally
• the importance of regular bathing

We're not legally allowed to show you how to do that last one at this conference, but this presentation will give you guidance on everything else - and more - so that you too can say that .NET helped *you* retire by the time you were 30!

Yes, you read that right.  Damir has not only left our presentation abstracts largely intact but in fact, he has changed the abstracts to allow things that *I* found legally questionable.  If there was any doubt in your mind that TechDays 2009 is going to be a conference to remember, this should erase all doubts.  And in the unlikely event that you are still unsure, tomorrow morning the other three sessions and their abstracts will be revealed.   Go to the TechDays site and get their early bird registration while you still can - tomorrow you will read these sessions and want to go to TechDays so badly that you may likely resort to selling yourself on the street to get a TechDays registration.  Knowing the average software developers build, I can tell you that prostitution is likely not your conference-going solution - you just don't have that kind of time!

Mark down August 7th as the day all of your prayers have been answered. 

1) Microsoft is piloting a brand new track at TechDays!
2) The track is about Developer Foundations, and yes, it *is* about what you are *hoping* it's about!!
3) Not only is Justice Gray involved, but he is the track co-chair!!!
3) The other track co-chair is adult industry legend, Peter Ritchie!!!!
4) And yes, you do need to put your pants in the laundry!!!!!

I have been so excited about this announcement that I ran around Vancouver all day yesterday randomly punching people in the face while I screamed "Developer Foundations" at the top of my lungs.  And trust me, after you attend our track you too will be punching people left and right.  In excitement. 

As if all of this wasn't overwhelming enough, you'll likely have an aneurysm once I reveal that

these are not regurgitated TechEd sessions - they are all-new original content being created by myself and Peter Ritchie, with input from the speakers involved! 

Not only that, but Peter and I have unprecedented leeway in determining the sessions themselves!!!  The tracks are going to be announced very shortly but I wanted you to be able to read this announcement without needing to call an ambulance.  Trust me when I tell you these sessions are going to be everything you have ever dreamed of!!!

This track is going to be piloted for TechDays this year at the following locations:
Vancouver - Sept 14-15
Toronto - Sept 29-30

Unlike the other tracks, this track will be 4 sessions and repeat for both days.  Microsoft, Peter, and I feel strongly enough about the content here that we want people to have an opportunity to attend as many of these sessions as possible.

This is really an unprecedented opportunity for the community - if these tracks are well-received there will be more foundational tracks at TechDays in the future, and in more cities.  Therefore, I am asking you to do me a favor - spread the word about this.  As one of the guys in charge of the track content, these tracks being well received is a foregone conclusion.  However we also want these tracks to be well-attended and that is where you come in!  If you care about having foundations represented at future TechDays, I beseech you to let people know about this stuff, particularly when the track content is announced!!!

If you doubt me now, I can tell you as one of the guys in charge of the content that it is going to be everything you ever dreamed of, whether you are a speaker or an attendee!

Thanks to Microsoft, John Oxley, John Bristowe, Joey deVilla and more for listening to the cries of thousands in adding this track, and listening to the cries of *millions* in involving me with its creation!   BTW, if you *are* interested in being a speaker at part of history in the making, give me a shout and we'll chat!

The tradition listed above leads into three *other* annual traditions that are not quite as exciting, that being:

• Justice tries to let John down easy over the course of a 90 minute conversation
• Justice tells John that crying isn't something that a man does
• John tells Justice he's not crying, abruptly says he has to leave, and then hangs up

To be open about this, while I am a fan of the TechDays core concept (that being an inexpensive conference for Canadian developers) I have not traditionally been a fan of the TechDays execution.  In particular (and I want to be clear this is just me, your opinion might be different and thus *wrong*):

• I'm not a big fan of regurgitated presentation content - the presentations at TechDays were (are?) essentially presentations done previously by another presenter, with slides and code already provided/approved by Microsoft.  I'm a little bit more independently minded than this so I don't leap at the chance like others do to essentially be a Microsoft spokesmodel.  In a case like this, I just feel used for my looks and I get enough of that on a daily basis without having to feel like it while presenting at a major conference.
• I've felt the content of TechDays has been less than stellar.  I'm a big "fundamentals" guy, and TechDays hasn't traditionally focused on any sort of development fundamentals. It's been more focused on specific Microsoft technology demos.  I hasten to add that this is completely within Microsoft's right and totally makes sense.  Microsoft is first and foremost a business and this is a good place to promote itself!  However, I'm a little less excited about "let's look at another spinning animal demo" vs. "let's teach common design patterns" or even "let's actually show developers how to use half of the relevant Application Blocks in a legitimate application that isn't a Northwind demo".  I know that there are people at Microsoft who think that a "deep dive" into the Work Item functionality of Team Foundation Server counts as developer fundamentals but I like to think we all know better.

I say this stuff because the reality is that TechDays has a reach far beyond the audience that reads technical blogs like MSDN Canada.  Sure, it's nice to pop out a bunch of posts on your blog talking about developer fundamentals or linking to a book or two, but let's get real - you're just preaching to the same audience that already knows about those concepts in the first place.  Many of the people coming to TechDays could care less about reading an online book and in some cases could care less about reading.  This is a prime situation to expose them to some of these concepts and get them hooked on things like this.

This brings me to the main point of this post.

Last week, Joey de Villa (Microsoft DE for *Eastern* Canada) posted a quick linkdump/regurgitated poster set about SOLID principles.  Now, I don't know about you (and believe it or not, this might not be the first time I've tragically misread something) but when I read a post that has a massive linkdump pertaining to SOLID and then follows up with,

Will there be a presentation on SOLID at TechDays?
"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe"

this actually says to *me* that

1. You're not planning on having a presentation on SOLID at TechDays
2. You are providing this linkdump to people because marketing has told you "we don't think that topic specifically promotes MS products" and thus you think this post makes up for not having presentations on developer fundamentals at TechDays.  I don't think it does but I could see how you might think things are A-OK. 

So, I'm going to lay down the gauntlet for you guys:

If I'm wrong and you are having SOLID as part of your conference, this is a serious mistake on my part.  To make up for it I will volunteer to do a presentation on SOLID at TechDays in Vancouver since you are serious about having this at TechDays. I'll even use your regurgitated content.  My only condition is that I'm not wearing some ridiculous Microsoft get-up when I'm there, I have a phenomenally well-dressed reputation to maintain.  If Microsoft is actually getting serious about developer fundamentals at TechDays, I'll do what I can to support you.

However, if it turns out that I read this correctly in the first place and your post was just a way to "get out" of doing SOLID at TechDays, do me a favor and don't call me next year begging for my help to legitimize TechDays' place in the industry.

Perhaps this wasn't the place to air this, but given the choice between talking behind your backs in E-mails or passive-aggressively sniping about it on Twitter, I chose this option because
a) I'm not a 15 year old girl
b) I have a set of functioning testes.   

The question is...DO YOU!?!

The ball is in your court gentlemen (no pun intended)!!

• shaking my hand
• seeing me wave at either you or someone behind you from a distance

I don't think it would surprise any regular reader that this blog, *aside* from being the greatest single continuous writing achievement in North America, is also no stranger to controversial confrontations that shake the development industry to its very foundations. Thankfully, Gray's Matter is also a place that brings men *together* in a close heterosexual bond. With the exception of one notable case that led me to the local police department to talk about whether restraining orders across North America were a viable option, people who enter into conflict with the metrosexual champion of the universe leave it being able to tell friends of theirs that they have actually engaged in dialogue with yours truly. If there is one thing that my interactions with people like Jeffrey Palermo, Carl Franklin, or the entire Castle project have taught me, it is that incredible good looks and witty banter make our industry a better place to be.

Astute readers might have think that the title of this post and the preceding paragraph are contradicting each other. After all, if there is only one thing that his blog has stood for in its lifetime it has been the merciless trash-talking of the rest of the industry! It only seems right that I would be supportive of Leon manning up and showing Scott Hanselman who is really the boss when they have their showdown at Tech Ed. So why is it that I can't bring myself to back Leon in the battle of his lifetime?  Hopefully a "tale of the tape" will shed some light on my decision.


Scott Hanselman

I'm not too sure about the rest of you, but when a man attends the Microsoft MVP summit, steals a pair of bowling shoes from the local 10-pin alley and calls himself a metrosexual, the first thought I have is certainly *not* "I trust this man and the advice he is giving." As if this faux pas didn't already demonstrate a significant lack of self-awareness on Scott's part, let's not forget that after a brief flirtation with a blog photograph that women I knew actually found hot (the one where he was making the "Shhh" signal with the brown background? Am the only person who remembers this striking piece of work?) he inexplicably went back to the photo currently on his blog with the "I'm not sexually threatening" smile. My friends, these acts are the acts of a man who has lost touch with erotic reality. Does anyone think attending a session by a man who no doubt wears blue jeans tucked into bright white sports socks is a good idea?

Now let's look at his competition:

The legendary Leon Bambrick

Not only is Leon a genius and an entrepeneur, but he is also a regular reader of this blog, which demonstrates to me he is a man of discerning taste and impeccable intelligence. Those of you who are searching for a photo of Leon on the web, stop wasting your time - Google Images has nothing for you. This is because Leon, like myself, is a sexual powerhouse and thus recognizes the dangers of having an online visual presence. One picture of yourself online and all of a sudden you start getting women showing up at your house at all hours of the night asking you to sign their bottoms with felt markers. This is even more awkward for married men like myself - why do you think Mrs. L and I are moving to Vancouver? - so I can understand why Leon is reticient about posting photos like this online:

Do you now understand why I can't support Leon? It's because Leon has already won in devastating fashion - he doesn't *need* my support. Heck, just read the part where he posts his fake little "apology" to Scott:

"(footnote for the humour impaired.... i'm a big fan of Scott Hanselman, a hanselfan infact, and i owe him a big thanks, because the fact he interviewed me on his podcast is the direct reason i've ended up speaking at tech ed -- plus he's given me various pieces of encouragement in this topic over the last few years. Can't wait to meet the guy in person. (Will he sign my boobs? Let's hope so) All up, he's truly the bestest guy in the whole world)"

"Everything's ok, man, I was just kidding and I love you madly, truly, deeply".   Right.  That is a charade - what Leon has done here is the verbal equivalent of giving someone a hug after kicking them in the nuts and curbstomping them!  Scott Hanselman deserves better than a curb-stomping.

Scott, I know you have been frantically refreshing the Gray's Matter site for weeks now in the hopes that I would post, so I hope that this missive gives you the inspiration you need to succeed against Leon Bambrick's Herculean physique. Don't worry, my friend...one day you will get a pair of shoes as beautiful as my white Springs and the healing process can truly begin. In the meantime, you are in my thoughts and prayers!

* This was taken from an E-mail I once recieved from Leon saying "This is what I look like in RL, are you sure you don't want to cyber?" I was flattered, my friend, but as I am totally hetero and totally married the answer is still no!

• Steve Rockarts is out of it
  
• I look like I'm stifling laughter
• Donald Belcham is hiding away because "people are *scary*!"