[ed: Ridley Thunder is not the real name of the gentleman who wrote this guest post and currently writes the "I am f**king 1000 dollar bills" blog.  However, it should be, as next to "Justice Gray" this is pretty much the coolest name anyone has ever had.  While Ridley is not a technical blogger he is a) hilarious and b) posts a picture of a naked or half-naked woman accompanying every single post he makes, thereby guaranteeing him being worth a look.  Ridley was actually the original inspiration for my getting into blogging a couple of years back, which means that
a) this blog has come full circle with this guest post
b) now you all know who is truly to blame for my becoming a sexual hero to millions of North and South Americans.]

"There was a time..." Gandhi said that once. Or Bruce Willis, I don't know. But there was a time where believe it or not I did NOT know Justice Gray. I distinctly remember that era as "High School." I remember hanging around with the wrong crowd, scrounging money for things like Image's many alternate cover comic books and CDs of Kriss Kross (they made me wanna jump, jump). I couldn't find a date if I had many calendars. I was so gameless that if a girl was bent over and sighing "GIVE IT TO ME RIDLEY" I don't think I would know WHAT to give to her. Then I graduated, as virgin as the white snow of cocaine my uncles imported from "the madreland." Then .....Justice happened (actually it's more like Suresh happened, then Justice happened through a happening of a happen, but I digress)

I clearly remember his first words to me:
"Come with me...."
"Where?" I asked
"We'll travel through infinity"
Little did I know that "infinity" meant his collections of Transformers dolls. Nevertheless seeing a gigantic Megatron was pretty kick ass. But because of this fateful meeting my life would be forever altered. I had countless of viewings of the original Transformers Movie, which still brings a tear to my eye. Not because of the movie mind you but because Justice beat me with a belt fashioned out of an old Optimus Prime figure every time I finished watching it, screaming "WATCH IT AGAIN! When Optimus dies, CRY HARDER!" Sort of like A Clockwork Orange without the cool gang suits. A year later Justice would teach me what piece fits the with the other piece IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. That's right, Tetris! Justice forced me to play Virtua Tennis until my hands were bleeding, then cackled every time he beat me. He would quiz me with innane trivia like "If you have to pick one Autobot to have sex with, who would it be? Ironhide or Jazz?!" Then he scolded me because I would chose Ironhide, "WHAT ARE YOU? RACIST!?" I don't know what that MEANS. 

After a while I moved out of the country to try to get away from Justice, but he just kept emailing and emailing and emailing me. Even after I blocked him, he hacked his way in. He even bribed the police to laugh at me every time I reported him (who knew the UK Police Dept were such MacBookphiles). I really think he became a computer programmer so he could continue to hack his way into my email and send me viruses every time I didn't fill out one of his 100 question "Get to Know me better" emails. Every question ended with a sly nod to him being "Supremely awesome", like take question 95 of this email "So who is your SECOND most supremely awesome person in your life? a) It's just Justice Gray and only Justice Gray b) Do you really want another Trojan Horse?

So like a beat puppy I limped my way back into the fold. But then Justice got married, started a blog, and taught me how to play poker. Which I kick ass in by the way. Now I finally live a normal life. This is 8 years afterwards. The lesson in all of this? Well in between the 8 years of torment I graduated from University, got a sweet gig, wrote a sweet blog, made some sweet love, and have some sweet friends. So you too can also survive with Justice Gray in your life, just like me.

Except you will be better at poker.

~fin

Ridley is the writer of the "I am f**king 1000 dollar bills" blog. He also likes to be called "Staff Sgt Max Fightmaster" but the ladies can just call me "Staff Sgt".