Proving that quality and competency are not required prerequisites for presenters, Nolan Zack from the Victoria .Net Developers Association has invited Donald Belcham and I to give presentations at the upcoming Victoria Code Camp (that is one heck of a nice design)!  I'm not sure what bet Nolan lost that required such questionable actions, but I am appreciative for the opportunity to speak nonetheless.  (I would note that I am not linking to Nolan Zack as he does not seem to have a blog, although a google search for "Nolan Zack Blog" brings up "Where are the lesbian anchorwomen?", so he still has my respect).

Currently if you check the presentation schedule, I am presenting on the ever-popular TBA.  This will probably change.  Despite having it as the one accomplishment underneath every job listed on my resume (which gets it to one page very easily), I am not all that familiar with TBA so I will be presenting on something else.  I thought, why not let the Victoria user group choose from a list of potential topics?  So for the next 5 days, I will be taking votes via E-mail or blog comments on what to present at Victoria Code Camp.  Note to any non-Victorians: if something on this list appeals to you, vote for it nonetheless and perhaps one day someone as deranged and desperate as Nolan will get me to come to your town!

1) Ruby - The language John Bristowe loves to hate

Ruby.  It's seductive.  It's sultry.  It's sassy.  John Bristowe can't stand it, and *you* want to be a part of it!!  The top-rated Edmonton Code Camp presentation is back (see testimonial)!  All of the cheers, tears, and Transformers of the original - only this time without even a *shred* of technical competency!  Unless you've been living in a cave, you've no doubt heard about Ruby; even if you have been living in a cave, that's no excuse!  Do you want to savor Ruby's sweet caress but are intimidated by its sexy ways?  Then you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll cheer as Justice takes you on a magic carpet ride through the ins and outs of Ruby's crystal persuasions.  SPECIAL BONUS: Psychoanalysis of John and his anger at Javascript.  Can we get these two crazy kids back together?

2) Drunken Design Patterns

Design patterns.  The Gang of Four.  BORING!!!  Sure, it's a good book, but we all know it is *tremendously* dry; this presentation is anything *but* dry!!  Have you wanted to learn design patterns but been put off by the academic tone of the GOF book?  Too ashamed to buy "Head First Design Patterns" because of the porn-star cover?  This presentation will give you all of the thrills of design pattern goodness but with Justice taking shots of tequila at 2 minute intervals!!!  Watch as Justice gets progressively more inebriated, eventually degenerating into abusive rants at the audience and finishing the presentation with spectacular projectile vomiting.   Guaranteed to be the one presentation you will *NEVER* forget, no matter how badly you want to!!

3) Powershell - Does This Guy Suck or What??

Have you heard about Powershell?  So has Justice!!  Do you know anything about Powershell?  Neither does Justice!!  Isn't this thing just a glorified command-line utility with some C# thrown in?  Probably - it's not like I have any clue!  We'll probably just listen to Scott Hanselman's Powershell podcast instead - *it's* 45 minutes!!!  Guaranteed to be a complete train wreck of a presentation!

4) Laurence Gowan - A Musical Retrospective

Over the course of the last 25 years, Gowan and his enchanting melodies have hypnotized a generation.  But there has never been a fitting tribute...until now.  Join Justice, a karaoke machine, and an open mic for some spectacular renditions of Gowan's greatest hits complete with interpretive dance.  "Where's the code?"  Are you freaking kidding me?  This is fricking GOWAN!!  

5) Windows Tools For Sexy People

Pretty much every Code Camp or conference has to have *someone* talking about Windows tools.  Notepad++?  NUnit?  Forget that garbage - everybody's seen it.  CLICHED!!  Only Justice has the *GUTS* to talk about the Windows tools you'd rather forget!  Notepad - the original!  Calc!  Solitaire!  *The character map*!!    Special bonus talk about the Windows 3.1 extra games set with Chip's Challenge and Taipei!  You'll be angry at Justice for wasting 45 minutes of your time and angry with yourself for loving it *so much*!!!  

6) Forget about this crap, let's go make fun of Donald Belcham!


Nolan made the mistake of booking Donald and I *against* each other in opposing rooms.  So why not take an hour-long break and have some fun?  We'll meet in our room and then go over to Donald's room, where we'll do what we all do at every Edmonton .NET User Group meeting - harass and berate him for 45 minutes straight!  Bring your Mexican wrestling masks and streamers!!  Trust me, nothing I can possibly present will match *this* for entertainment value!

Isn't this a *HELL* of a lot better than the Cave of Time??