Gray's Matter
Justice Gray - North America's favorite metrosexual software consultant

I Wish These People Updated More Than Once a Year

All right, let's have a chat. 

All great men spend some time in reflection and introspection.  I also do the same.  In these deeply meditative times I ask myself several questions:
  • Is it still right for millions of software developers, hairstylists, and porn stars to pattern their entire lives after my example? 
  • Are people still justified in publicly proclaiming that I am their sexual role model?
  • Is the development industry still in a state where I want to grace it with my presence?
  • Can I avoid having to come crawling back on my hands and knees to Chippendales?

Since I was 7 years old, the answer to these questions has always been an easy "Yes".

Then I see *THIS* on twitter:

William Ryan inadvertently starts in motion events that will change your world forever

My first reaction to this was outrage and shock.  After all, if anyone deserves to be known as the epitome of physical fitness in the .NET world, it should be the white Ginuwine, Justice Gray, and not some random IIS dude whose "name" sounds more like an alias for an adult film star. 

However, in the end I let this happen (the part where "Tobin" is hailed as a fitness guru, not the part where "Tobin" stars in X-rated films).  Earlier on this year I made a promise to you, your children, and more importantly your wives and girlfriends; a promise that only now I realize the consequences of not fulfilling.  As a result, there are really only two possible actions for me to taken.  However, plastering a giant animated banner proclaiming "Tobin Titus Stole My Studsmanship" on this blog is not only defeatist but a little bit visually jarring for the user experience of this site.  Therefore, I am choosing the alternative: publicly rededicating myself to my original goal of an awe-inspiring physique

I recognize that there needs to be something a little different than the last time I made this promise in order to make sure I follow through.  Sure, part of goal-setting is to make a public declaration, but we all know that the *very* best way to succeed is through fear and avoidance-based tactics.  It is with this is mind that I am now making you all what could be the costliest promise of my entire life.    And you can tell this is important because I am using bold font in every second sentence. 

I will be back in a 32" pant by the end of June 2009 - definitely - or the following 2 things will happen:

a) I will go shirtless for at least one full day at DevTeach Vancouver 2009, including any presentations I may be doing
b) Another public punishment to be determined by my good friend Donald Belcham

And after June, the possibilities are limitless.  After all, once I'm back to being ripped up, it is only a matter of time before I come to *your* user group to do presentations wearing nothing but baby oil and posing trunks!!  And once that happens my friends, everybody benefits.  Well, everybody except Tobin Titus, that is, who will have to be relegated to the #2 physique in software development.  But that's okay, you can't save everyone!! 

[Note: Kelly pointed out to me that DevTeach apparently is taking place at the beginning of June, and not the end as I was told.  I'll probably amend this to be 33" rather than 32" but for right now we'll leave it as is, because I am that inspiring]

Wednesday, 22 October 2008 #
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