I was reading
Phil Factor's parody of Microsoft's enthusiastic, energetic, and most importantly
synergystic announcement that
SQL Server 2008 was going to be delayed. I don't know whether I laughed more at Phil's parody or the announcement itself. I will not be talking about *that* any further here as we all know the only easy target we take shots at here on Gray's Matter is
Donald Belcham. We are going to discuss something
far more serious today, something I discovered on reading the comments on Phil's post:
The Heroes Happen Here comic.
As much as we all wish this was also a joke or parody of some sort, you can verify by clicking on the link that what I am discussing is all too real. I've done you the favor of reading this thing so you don't have to. Onward!
(cllck on image for larger version - I'm not responsible for any damage that occurs)
Large mullet? Check. Inability to dress himself? Check. Standard geeky T-shirt underneath? Check. Failure to shave his chin? Check. Massively overweight? Che...oh come on, seriously, WTF *is* this?
But lest you think I'm just being my normal superficial self and judging this man by the impossible task of looking as good as yours truly, look at panel 5 for this man's explanation of what he does for his son, who is in elementary school:
"I write algorithms we call code to build software packages and drivers that do everything from sending E-mail and encrypting CDs to calibrating airplanes and lasers."
Awesome. Sincerely, who in the world explains their job in this ultra-geek manner to their 5 year old? That does remind me that this comic obviously takes place in an alternate universe, as there is
no way this man would have found a mate to father a child with in the real world.Am I being too harsh? Let's go to page 2!!
(this caused me the BRAIN DAMAGE - take your chances if you must and click for larger)
WOW.
So, our development hero treats configuring a firewall like a fantasy D&D world, while he works in a room filled with action figures and several empty cans of cola.
No stereotypes here. I'd like to note that our hero has changed his clothes to yet *another* awkward combination of ill-fitting plaid shirt (look at the drawing, there's no way he can button up that thing) with standard "geek" T. ARRRGH. No bonus points for the presence of a "wife", who is obviously some robotic construct.
(you know the drill by now)Do you want to know what would happen if I told my wife that "hackers all over the world fear me"? That's right, the same thing that happens to Donald Belcham every night -
complete lack of sexual congress.
Note the part about fixing a "computer problem" - this comes into play later.
I can't tell you how "cool" I would find *my* dad if while investigating an EBay sale he grabbed the monitor like a deranged maniac. Then again, my dad also knows how to shave properly so perhaps I am being unfair. The only other thing I have to say about this panel is that given the way this kid likes to wear blue shirts with red jackets it's obvious which parent he is emulating.
As if all of this wasn't enough, we are now presented with
this:
"Did you solve the problem?"
"Well, you *did* get the money and it's in your account."
Let me translate that for you:
"Did you solve the problem?"
"Well, nothing actually happened here, and I flipped out on an ancient monitor for absolutely no reason whatsoever. In fact, none of what I did actually had discernable value!! I'm not only fat but ineffectual as well!"Bonus points for the robot wife, obviously
programmed to say,
"Lee, your daddy is a genius!" A genius for
*what*!?!?! For sitting at a computer and bitching for a while? My goodness, I've been using the wrong interview criteria all this time! Silly me, looking for someone who can solve problems when I should have just hired people who could pretend to non-technical users that they actually accomplished something too complex for them to truly understand
(1)!!
Sigh.
We've talked about Microsoft, their strange stereotyping of developers as homely and useless, and
their rampant prejudices against good-looking members of society in previous posts. This is no different than par for the course. But think about this for a second:
if you are a software developer, *this* is what Microsoft thinks you can relate to.
In fact, this comic shows you that Microsoft thinks
this is the typical software developer.
Seriously, if marketing thought this would be in the slightest bit
offensive to a software developer, it never would have seen the light
of day as part of
Microsoft's campaign for a monumental launch tour.
Our industry has
a hard time attracting new developers. Why is this? Well, if *you* were looking for a career and saw *this*, would *you* feel that being a software developer
was cool?
That's what I thought.
(1) in fairness, I'm pretty sure there are some multinational consulting companies that were formed in this very manner