As all of you know, Calgary Code Camp is tomorrow, and most of you know that Edmonton's own Steven Rockarts will be presenting on Windsor Container.  What most of you *don't* know is that Rockarts, seeing my previous handiwork, asked me to "sex up" his presentation abstract before he submitted it.  I ended up writing several different versions of his abstract (thanks to Mrs. L and Donald for their aid in editing).  Here is the original abstract that Steve wrote:

The Functional Abstract

"What if I told you that you never had to make an object invocation again? Using an Inversion of Control container like Windsor Container from the Castle Project ( http://www.castleproject.org ) will enable you to code to abstractions without worrying about wiring up your object dependencies. In this session I will take an example application built without using Windsor Container and refactor it towards a cleaner design utilizing Windsor Container and Inversion of Control. During the course of refactoring towards using Windsor Container you will be introduced to some of the benefits that using an Inversion of Control container can bring to your project. "

This is all well and good - it describes what you are doing.  But all it is doing is describing what you are presenting - nothing else!!  So let's look at what we call:

The Orgasmic Abstract

"Object invocation.  Who likes it?  NOBODY.  What if I told you that you never had to make an object invocation ever again IN YOUR LIFE?    You'd probably wet your pants.  Well, get your Depends, because we're going look at using Inversion of Control Containers, like Windsor from the Castle Project.  Code to abstractions without worrying about object dependencies!!  Show all those women who laughed at you who the REAL MAN is!!  In this session, we will take a sample application built w/o Windsor Container, and show you how to turn both it and your life around by using Windsor and the concept of Inversion of Control.  Join Steve Rockarts for the session that will refactor your heart."

Just like the functional abstract, but with a huge amount of bombast and hype.  Obviously, people reading this will
a) know there is no way that they can afford to miss this presentation
b) need to clean their pants after reading it

Now, you might be uncomfortable with so many people messing themselves up (hence the title) and if that's the case, you'll want an alternative.  How else can you get people wanting to see your stuff?  Well, we all know sex sells, so let's try:

The Porn Star Abstract (also known in EDMUG circles as "The Brad Daoust")

"Heeeeeeeeeeeey.  You want to get a better look at my "object" "invocation"?  Well, too bad because I don't use object invocation anymore - not after using Windsor Container.   Mmm...Windsor.  It makes me *hot* just thinking about it and the Castle Project together.  Coding to abstractions without having all that pesky wiring getting in the way.  In our session I'm going to take an example application without Windsor and then have a heavy refactoring session with it.  Bring a towel - you'll need it to wipe up after you see why using an Inversion of Control container gets the ladies going."

This sort of abstract is guaranteed to get developers all riled up, but it might be too hot for certain conferences to print.  In that case, you're going to need another hook.  Let's try:

The Underdog Abstract

"Holy cow am I ever nervous!!  If I told you that you never had to make an object invocation again, would you come see my presentation?  I've been looking at Windsor Container and I think it's kind of neat - I hope you think so too.  It lets you code to abstractions without wiring up object dependencies!! Like I said, kind of cool...I think.  If you come out to this session I'll take an example application (built without Windsor) and try to make it better, using Windsor Container and Inversion of Control.  Hopefully you guys will see that there are some benefits to using an Investion of Control container to your project!  And if you don't like it I'm happy to hear suggestions!  Thanks everybody! "

Unlike the previous two abstracts, this has the advantage of displaying absolutely no confidence whatsoever.  Half of the people will come to your presentation because they're rooting for you to actually make it through, and the other half are coming because this sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen.   You can't lose!

Now, it's entirely possible that none of these work for you because they just don't feel like "your voice".   And in that case, you should probably go a little bit personal.  If people feel a bond or kindship with you, they are more likely to come to your presentation.  Knowing what details we do about Steve's life, let's craft something that lets the potential audience really look inside his heart.

The Personal Abstract

"Do you get beaten by your girlfriend as much as I do?  Well, let's not focus on that right now, and instead let's focus on Windsor Container.  Using an Inversion of Control container may not make the bruises go away, but it *will* make object invocation disappear!   Finally you can code to abstractions without worrying about whether you've made Catherine angry again...I mean, without worrying about wiring up object dependencies.  In this session I'm going to take an example application built without using Windsor Container and refactor it towards a cleaner design using Windsor and Inversion of Control.  I'll try to introduce you to some benefits of using an Inversion of Control container and what it can bring to your project...please don't be angry, I don't need to hurt anymore!!  I'll do a good job!!  I PROMISE!! "

Quite frankly, I thought all of these abstracts were excellent, but Rockarts decided to go with his original after all - something to do with being "high as a kite MAAAAAAN", whatever the hell that means.  Regardless, I thought I shouldn't just let Rockarts alone benefit from this analysis - if *you* want to guarantee a large group of screaming, enthusiastic software developers at *your* next presentation, try one or more of these out!  You won't regret it!