Gray's Matter
Justice Gray - North America's favorite metrosexual software consultant

I Wish These People Updated More Than Once a Year

iphone.jpg
We're going to use this again, since it makes us weep to look at it, yesssssss

In the wake of Steven "Buzzkiller" Rockarts' comment on my euphoric iPhone post, let's do some brief calculations.    

  • iPhone price = $500 Cdn (we're estimating low for rounding purposes)
  • iPhone price * rate that Steven Rockarts loses cell phones = *26 thousand dollars a year* for Steven to own an iPhone
  • Number of times that his fiancee will tolerate Steve replacing his iPhone - 0
  •  Number of weeks that Steve can show up to work with a black eye and say "I ran into the refrigerator again" without the rest of the office catching on - 2*

No wonder he tried to shut the party down!

Omar Shahine says "Just remember... Steve [ed: Jobs, not Rockarts] has just sold you his dream, and that dream is scheduled to ship at some point. Reality isn't guaranteed to match what he was selling."

Let me tell this readership something - WHO CARES about reality?  If I had dreams as sexy as the iPhone every night, I would be dead of a sleeping pill overdose within 7 days.  Sure, the reality of the iPhone has the *slight* - and I mean *SLIGHT* - chance of being a bigger letdown than the Matrix sequels.  But much like a certain software consultant I know, it also has a 99% chance of being the sexiest thing alive.

I have read Omar's post thanks to Steve's comment, and when you read between the lines on these things, you too will see what I see: raw, volcanic hatred of all things hot and good looking.  Don't let Omar fool you with his "balanced" commentary and "see you in Macworld" - he's probably just going to Macworld to strip off all his clothes in protest of the "Steve Jobs reality distortion field".  Let me tell you something Omar - Steve already tried that trick here at work; thus I can tell you second-hand that public nakedness doesn't solve all of your problems.  

Omar and Steve:  In June, sexy can be your friend too!  If only you'll let it.  

And to Donald, who has told friends that "Justice Gray's love for the iPhone proves he is an asian schoolgirl" - if loving the iPhone made me an asian schoolgirl, then I would be the *hottest* asian schoolgirl ever**.  Admittedly, if I *was* a hot Asian schoolgirl, I don't think I'd ever leave the house!  Maybe I should've left that for one of those "things you don't know about me" posts...

*possibly 3
** if I weren't a firmly heterosexual and masculine white male

Saturday, January 13, 2007 #