Gray's Matter
Justice Gray - North America's favorite metrosexual software consultant

I Wish These People Updated More Than Once a Year

It seems that the excitement continues to ratchet up at DevTeach 2007.  In addition to some of the greatest presentations in North American history, it seems that Jean-Rene Roy and the rest of the executive have creatively added a brand new attraction that I've never seen at any conference yet; the presentation version of "Survivor"!!

At least, that's the only possible explanation I can see for what is literally a change from just *yesterday*...

devteach2007_before.jpg

to *today*...

devteach2007_nowwithpalermo.jpg

That's right, apparently only at DevTeach will you be able to see Jeffrey Palermo and I do nearly identical presentations on exactly the same topic!!  Forget about D'Arcy Lussier's claims that I am somehow going to have a throwdown with one of the castoffs from Color Me Badd!  It looks like Mr. Palermo has decided *he* wants to take aim at the sexiest developer alive.

I can almost visualize what transpired in a darkened room in Austin, TX:

"He has amazing shirts, fantastic hair, oozes machismo, and people rip their clothes off at the sight of him.  How can I get a piece of that action?  He's not even an MVP!!!  I need to know HIS SECRET!!!"  (slams hands on table)

(frantic pacing, weeping, follows for 30 min.  Then...)

"That's *IT*!!  He's presenting on the MVC and *that's* why he's routinely mobbed by hordes of college women!  YOU'RE MINE JUSTICE GRAY!! MIIIINE" (cue cackling maniacally as Jeffrey twirls his imaginary moustache)

Jeffrey's wife (knocks on door): "Honey, are you done in there?  It's time for dinner!!"

Jeffrey: "I said IN A MINUTE!!" (frantically puts his shirt back on and rolls up his Justice Gray poster)

Jeff obviously wants to harness some of that raw metrosexual joie de vivre for himself, and who can blame him?  I'd want to capture it as well if I were not already me!  Jeff, I know you want more than anything in the world to come home to your wife and children with a crate full of women's underwear and loudly proclaim, "This got thrown at me in Vancouver!!  In public!!"  but the MVC is *not* the path to being covered in frilly lace garments.  Do not blame my upcoming presentation on the MVC for my status as the focal point of society's carnal desires.  Instead, blame the *real* culprit: genetics.  If I can give you any advice as a role model to millions and a brother in Christ, it is that ridiculous good looks don't come from presentations on *any* topic; they come from the heart.  If I could give you any *other* advice it is that you probably won't be able to become a software development sex symbol when you're throwing extravagant parties full of dudes

I know some of you are disappointed to hear this, but there will be no octagon matches between Palermo and Gray at DevTeach where I end up stuffing him into a serving wench dress.  And that same some of you should probably seek therapy.  Jeff P presenting on MVC is good news for you at DevTeach, and it's good news for your freedom of choice!  Believe it or not, not *every* software developer wants to come to presentations involving Mexican wrestler masks, public intoxication, sexual harassment and the threat of potential lawsuits.  Some people want to see technical presentations with technical *content*; thankfully, I know Jeffrey Palermo can provide it in spades!!  For the rest of you, nothing changes at DevTeach on Thursday, Nov 29th at 3 PM...except your LIVES.

FOREVER.

Thursday, November 15, 2007 #

11/15/2007 3:56:32 PM (Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)
The organizers were probably worried that

a) People would be so distracted by your pure animal magnetism that they wouldn't actually absorb any of the technical material.
b) They wanted an alternative for people who don't wear undergarments and therefore would feel left out when it came time to remove them and throw them at you.
c) Wanted a backup plan in case the masked intoxicated, sexually harrassing, masked Mexican wrestlers incited a riot.
d) They were jealous of your 7331ness and are trying to sabotage you.

There are so many possibile explanations, that it is hard to narrow it down. It must be hard being Justice...

11/15/2007 4:03:09 PM (Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)
I'm pretty sure it must be jealous of my 7331ness and nothing else. No one else is 1337 enough to type it 7331 like me, and I think they figured this kind of avant-garde thinking might've been just too much. As it is I am certain heads will explode!
11/15/2007 6:28:29 PM (Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)
I'm still going to incite a riot

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

eh? eh masked mexican wrestler?
11/15/2007 7:12:34 PM (Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)
Oh you know it's still on bro! Riot at whatever presentations you like. It is YOUR RIGHT as an attendee!
11/15/2007 9:20:14 PM (Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)
Make sure to set them all straight with all the bits I leave out. We should have an arm-wrestling match during one of them. The loser has to use the *shudder* wizard in his demos.
11/16/2007 11:01:27 PM (Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)
Your best post-ending ever:

"For the rest of you, nothing changes at DevTeach on Thursday, Nov 29th at 3 PM...except your LIVES."

Haha priceless!
11/17/2007 7:55:56 AM (Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)
I call Jeff and Justice at the bike racks after school! Bring your Spider-man lunch boxes and Hello Kitty thermoses. First one to hit the pavement with the other guys face... wins!
11/23/2007 7:08:48 AM (Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)
Wait a minute ... Palermo has a Justice Grey poster? Is it an autographed one? Where are they found in the Justice Grey online store?
11/24/2007 11:59:13 PM (Mountain Standard Time, UTC-07:00)
I do have the poster. How did you know it was the one with his name misspelled "Grey". It's priceless, kind of like the stamp with the upside down airplane. Collectors' item, and it's all mine. It's autographed too, so watch for it on eBay.
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