Gray's Matter
Justice Gray - North America's favorite metrosexual software consultant

I Wish These People Updated More Than Once a Year


Barbara Eden - I Dream of Jeannie
Yeah, you wish

When I started my blog lo those many months ago, I had vowed to myself that I would *never* make a post describing a dream that I had.  After all, every blog author thinks that their dream is *far* more exciting and interesting to others than it actually is!  However, the combination of:
inspired me to share this story with you.

We start inside of the Edmonton Public Library.  There are something like 300 people at this place, all of them raring to go talk about code.  John Coltrane is playing in the background as I chat it up with several developers about a variety of deep, insightful topics like who the greatest Piranacon was and whether Fight Club's characters are really a grown-up Calvin and Hobbes.  All of a sudden, I hear a bell ringing and I realize that not only has Code Camp started, but I am *late* for my presentation with Steven Rockarts!!  "Giant Steps" by Coltrane plays over the loudspeaker as I race down the hall, shoving people aside.  One person gets pushed into the wall and *explodes*, with blood and guts flying everywhere!  I finally get to the door of the Code Camp meeting room, but it is locked solid, though I can hear Donald talking.  There is a window on the door the size of my head...can I get through?  I back up, and then charge at the door, aiming at the tiny square of glass in front of me.  I manage to violate several laws of physics as I dive through and glass flies everywhere inside the convention room.  I am bloodied and on the ground but I am still able to talk.  Donald is up at the podium talking; I turn and shout to him, "Hey, I'm here, buddy!  I'm ready for my presentation!"

Edmonton Code Camp - an artist's representation
Artist's representation of my sensational arrival

Donald looks at me for a brief instant.   Then into the mic he says, "Uh...yeah, whatever." and then turns back to the crowd, *ignoring* me!  The crowd laughs.  Obviously I'm a little peeved at there being no mention of my spectacular entrance, so I pick up a giant metal folding chair and throw it straight at Donald's head.  My aim is true!  As it collides there is a large clanging noise (I guess Donald has a steel plate in his cranium) and Donald crumples to the ground.  

The assembled crowd of at least 150 people stands up out of their seats and *cheers wildly*!!  I soak up the cheers, wipe some of the blood from my eyes and then proceed to the microphone, stepping over Donald's unconscious body.  Just as I am about to speak, I wake up...refreshed, rejuvenated like never before!

So, what is the lesson I've learned from this dream*?  Obviously, Code Camp is going to be like "Passenger 57" with myself as the white Wesley Snipes.  Flying metal folding chairs!!  Shattered glass and shattered dreams!!  A Ruby presentation being given by a presenter soaked in his own blood!!!  And this was just the first *5 MINUTES*!!!  If you want thrills, chills, and some blood spills, Edmonton Code Camp is where you need to be.  If it is even half as action-packed as this dream, I think you attendees are in for a serious treat on September 30th!!!  Sign up now before you miss the event of a *lifetime*.

Wesley Snipes - a strong resemblance
Obviously, quite a strong resemblance to yours truly

* I'm open to hearing other interpretations of this dream, but I doubt they are as accurate as my own prognostications

  

Thursday, August 31, 2006 #

8/31/2006 2:55:37 PM (Mountain Daylight Time, UTC-06:00)
Why am I never in your dreams? It amazes me that code supercedes wife in dream priority sequence. BOORAY indeed.
8/31/2006 4:47:05 PM (Mountain Daylight Time, UTC-06:00)
Well. I'm really not 100% sure what I should say about this.

1) The crowd laughing at me ignoring you. I'm not going to read anything into this as it happens at every Edmug meeting and I've determined it to be the norm now.
2) The metal chair makes a clang 'cause I have a metal plate in my head, yet I still get knocked out by said chair. While I don't quite follow the logic here, I'm not surprised that you came up with it. Perhaps it's an attempt to expose the anger you have at my superiority with the masses.
3) Door is locked. Yah. The more posts like this that you write, the more doors you'll find locked just as you show up.
4) Breaking several laws of physics. It's a dream so I'll let this one pass. Heck I was herding elephants in mine so stranger things have happened.

All in all I think you're terrified of presenting at Code Camp and I'm going to suggest to Rockarts that he have material to cover for you when you freeze.
8/31/2006 4:55:55 PM (Mountain Daylight Time, UTC-06:00)
1) We are in agreement that there is definitely a lot of people laughing at you at the average EDMUG meeting ;)

2) Buddy, it's a dream sequence!! My suggestion is that the chair shot drove the iron plate straight into the remaining organic brain you had left.

3) I know you're fearful of my chair-throwing abilities.

4) I like how you let the "breaking laws of physics" pass but you wanted to debate the head-clanging stuff. =)

Of course I'm terrified of presenting at Code Camp! It's tough enough having to fend off your lustful advances at most of the meetings let alone having to do it in front of a crowded stage! ;)

Rockarts is prepared for me to hurriedly rush through what little presentation I have in 10 minutes flat - he'll be carrying everything on his back after that. =)
9/5/2006 9:49:44 AM (Mountain Daylight Time, UTC-06:00)
If only every developer conference is just as exciting :)
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