Gray's Matter - Martin Fowler, you can stop calling my house now (Justice Gray's blog)

Your Martin Fowler ALT.NET update, day 1 >>

Martin Fowler, you can stop calling my house now

This is the face of the broken-hearted

Hey there Martin,

I received your messages - all 15 of them. Some of them were angry. Some of them were drunken. Some of them were even musical (my wife was particularly fond of your rendition of Celine Dion's "All By Myself"), but all of them carried a common theme - you were hurt and angry that I will not be able to attend the inaugural ALT.NET conference after all. I know that you are worried that
a) you will never be able to meet your "metrosexual hero" in person
b) you will never be able to thank me for the review of Refactoring that sent sales of that book skyrocketing
c) as a result of my non-attendance, ALT.NET will *no longer* be the greatest conference in North American history.

First of all, let me assure you that ALT.NET, despite the absence of one of the sexual giants of the software development industry, will still be one of the most amazing gatherings of developers ever. Even if said bucket of machismo *could* attend, you might think Ayende Rahien's presence is not enough to make up for the absence of the man who wears North America's most seductive shirts. I beg to differ; even without me coming, the conference is still filled with other Albertan luminaries like Donald Belcham, Tom Opgenorth, and David Woods, just to name a few! Second, you have an office in Calgary so it's never like we'll be all *that* far from each other. Just drive up sometime! Perhaps you could even do a presentation for Edmonton Code Camp, conveniently scheduled on October 20th of this year. Even if you're too busy for that, I'm sure that two primal forces of the universe like you and I cannot help but one day collide. Just trust your heart, Martin.

I know that you are angry. Sure, not Scott Bellware "I'm going to walk into Bill Gates' office, defecate on his desk, and set it on fire" levels of rage, but nonetheless disgruntled and disappointed. Martin, *no one* is more disappointed than I am about missing ALT.NET. I was all ready to propose a session on "How to Tell People You Work in Software Development and *still* get laid", and maybe even a bonus on "Seduction Driven Development". With you, myself, *and* Ben Scheirman in the same place, we were poised for an incident of global proportions. Alas this year it is not to be. This situation was unavoidable and I made the only choice I could. A year or two from now, Martin, you will understand that I made this decision for the greater good. Will I have missed ALT.NET? Yes. But will I have saved the future of North American software development? Almost *certainly*.

I know that you consider me to not only be a close personal friend but even a role model, so I am loathe to disappoint you. Sure, maybe you'll tell people at ALT.NET, "I don't even *know* this Justice Gray! He may be terribly good-looking, but he's loco!!" Don't bother. The attendees at this conference are smart, insightful people and the Igloo Coder. They'll all see through your clever facade to a man that is aching inside...aching for a friend. Thus, I've come up with something for you that will make the days go by a little easier.

A while back, I mentioned the existence of the "Potential Friend of Justice Gray" certificate. It pleases me to announce that you, Martin, are the *2nd ever recipient* of this coveted award, which I've passed along to my Albertan comrades to give you at ALT.NET. Like the Golden Ticket in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, this certificate is so rare as to almost be an urban legend - even peers of mine doubted its actual existence. So I caution you to be careful with brandishing this certificate. You may suddenly find yourself more popular. You may suddenly find people throwing underwear and hotel keys in your direction at inappropriate times. You might find yourself wondering if you are being used because of your association with me. Don't worry - you *are*. But enjoy it! I know it is not the same as having me stand in your vicinity while you shout to passers-by "This is Justice Gray...my *friend*!" but it's pretty close.

Even you hadn't been sobbing loudly into the receiver, I still would've known this weekend would have been difficult for you. But remember, when it all comes crashing down and it hurts inside, you're got to be a man...don't let it slide. You're a leader of the industry, for goodness sake! People will be looking to *you* to be strong this weekend - to carry on as if there were not a gaping void in the hearts and minds of every person in attendance. Just pull yourself together for this brief time - if not for yourself, then do it for everyone at ALT.NET!

I've sent a copy of this post with your certificate in the event you were too busy to read it prior to the conference. If you require the certificate to be laminated please let me know but you will have to pay framing costs yourself.

Your brother in arms,
Justice Gray

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Comments [2] Conferences | Personal | Technical |

10/4/2007 9:26:46 PM (Mountain Daylight Time, UTC-06:00)

Sorry to hear that. I'll order a beer for in your honor and extend the deadline for when you can redeem your Caffeinated Codey awards. I'll also do my best to console Mr. Fowler, although all bets are off if he does a repeat performance of Celine Dion. By the way, why do Canadians hate the world so much that you have to unleashed Celine Dion on us?

Russell Ball |rt_ballAT NOSPAMyahoo dot com

10/5/2007 11:51:21 AM (Mountain Daylight Time, UTC-06:00)

It was either her or Bryan Adams. Pick your poison.

I'll be sure and order you 5 beers and proceed to drink them all one after another.

By the way, I don't think Ayende's gonna make it. :(

Ben Scheirman |subdigitalAT NOSPAMgmail dot com

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