I've been silent about this issue for fear of causing an all-out riot in Seattle this week, but the flurry of E-mails, concerned phone calls, and lingerie stapled to my door have forced me to issue the following "press release":

Yes, it is true - I was *not invited* to the MVP Summit.

And of course, the obvious question: okay, fair enough, I suppose that "Why can't I stop crying?" and "Is this truly a death knell for our great industry?" also immediately sprung to mind for 90% of you. 

But the *one*question on *everyone's* mind right now is simply: WHY?

Unfortunately, there are no easy answers.  Some of the thousands of possibilities include:

• a clerical error of earth-shattering importance
• a dark conspiracy preventing the attendance of any male that is sexually appealling
• my not holding a Microsoft MVP designation? (note: unlikely)

Even just looking at this list of three alternatives, it's clear that the answer could be absolutely anything.  Don't waste your time thinking about it!  I'm not sure we'll *ever* know the truth. 

It saddens me to think that this message has come too late for poor Digipen, no doubt covered in bodily fluids from the hordes of people that descended on the campus to erupt all over it in a spectacular urinary "fireworks" display.  That being said, I believe for the good of all involved this senseless carnage has to stop.  I'm as flattered as anyone would be by a mass excretion done in their name, but I am asking you all to put down your...erm...whatever and understand that I am happy to not be at the conference (and I mean this legitimately). 

How can I possibly say this?  Because for the last several days, I have been the recipient of several cell phone messages left by my great friend and newly minted MVP, D'Arcy Lussier!  Not the strange, jilted lover style messages such as those that Donald Belcham had left on my phone back at DevTeach, but hysterical ones.  D'Arcy's desire to keep me included has led to some of the funniest messages I have ever heard left on my phone. 


Message 1 (after he phoned to interrupt Mrs. L and I watching Empire Strikes Back to tell me that Darth Vader is Luke's father):
"Hey Justice - this is D'Arcy again.  How in the world did this slip my mind??  LUKE AND LEIA ARE BROTHER AND SISTER!!  Yes, that means that the kiss they shared - TOTALLY incest.  At least, that's what I think happ...no, wait, I just heard something about Tom [Opgenorth] kissing Han Solo.  No, wait, it's that Tom *wants* to kiss Han Solo.  Anyway, have a great night!"

Message 2 (actually clipped from a conversation we were having)
"Hey, Justice!   George Clingerman says to get good at something so that one day you can be nominated too!"

Message 3:
"Justice!  I just wanted to tell you we are having the most amazing dinner right now.  Steak, salmon, and we are surrounded by hot Asian women.  They came up to me and said (Japanese accent) "Ya...kurosawa...Justice Gray?" but I'm like, "I'm sorry, he's not here!  Seriously, what can *I* do about it?"  Anyway, you are missing out.  Actually, I'm kidding and we're actually not at a Japanese restaurant at all and we're sitting with a bunch of European *guys*.  But it sounds better the other way.  Anyway, just wanted to make sure you're okay!  Have a great night!"

Message 4 (approx 30-60 minutes later):
"Justice!  I don't know how I forgot to tell you this before, but tonight David Woods was caught dry humping a baby kangaroo.   Obviously he's moved on from the goats into the realms of legend.  Just thought you'd want to hear about it.  Have a good night buddy!"

At least, I laughed because I thought that 4th message was a joke - apparently I was mistaken...