Gray's Matter
Justice Gray - North America's favorite metrosexual software consultant

I Wish These People Updated More Than Once a Year

I have never quoted so liberally from another person's post before, but extreme events require extreme measures. 

Here's the most recent post from my friend and fellow exec of the Edmonton .NET User Group, Donald Belcham (also known in both development circles and BDSM communities as the Igloo Coder). 

"I figured I should put up a bit of info about my plans for this spring's conference season.  So here they are.

April 14 - 17, MVP Summit...and of course Party with Palermo.  I'm only an attendee at this one, but I'm sure it'll be an interesting experience going to the mothership for the first time.

April 18 - 20, Alt.Net Seattle.  Again, only an attendee...or is anyone 'only' an attendee at an Open Spaces conference.

May 12 -16, DevTeach Toronto.  Speaking at this one.  As always I'm sure it'll be a great conference which will allow you to get quality face time with speakers and other people with great ideas.

May 19 & 20, The Great Developer Summit Bangalore. This one is going to be very interesting.  I've never been to India.  I'm from a wee-tiny-hick-town, not a city with many millions in it.  I don't do well in heat.  What I am looking forward to is seeing how passionate, pragmatic and skilled our development counterparts 1/2 way around the world are."

Now, it's easy to misread this as a simple "Here's my travelling schedule for the next month or two in the event you want to share a beer with me", instead of perhaps one of the most courageous posts of 2008.

Tragically easy.

Luckily for everyone, especially Donald, I am a *master* of critical analysis.  Let's re-read that last paragraph with the important points highlighted.

"May 19 & 20, The Great Developer Summit Bangalore. This one is going to be very interesting.  I've never been to India.  I'm from a wee-tiny-hick-town, not a city with many millions in it.  I don't do well in heat.  What I am looking forward to is seeing how passionate, pragmatic and skilled our development counterparts 1/2 way around the world are."

That's right - Donald Belcham is trying to tell you all that in addition to being a software development legend, he also suffers from male impotence.

You can laugh if you like, but to share this story with the entire internet takes a lot of testicular fortitude - certainly ironic considering the subject.  On its own, this post seems rather strange - after all, wouldn't you just go see a doctor rather than tell the entire development community?  But if you take into account his previous post, you can see the *true* message my good friend is trying to share:
 
It doesn't matter whether you have successfully migrated your team from VSS to Subversion if you don't have functioning genitals.

I'd like to take this opportunity to rally the community's support.  With the Microsoft MVP Summit only one week away, I want my friend to be able to hold his head high - it might be the only part he can!  It is now *my* turn to plead - to all of you MVPs out there, I am hoping you will be able to at least buy Donald a drink (if not several kilograms of Viagra) in order to show your support for his devastating disorder!

I have also made a small image you can handily post on *your* web site, or print and wear on a physical button if you want to show Donald you care about his well-being.

Don't Worry Donald Belcham

And to Donald: as always, you don't have to thank me for bringing attention to this - it's just what friends do!  We've got your back buddy!


Saturday, April 12, 2008 #

4/12/2008 6:06:31 PM (Mountain Daylight Time, UTC-06:00)
See I took the post as an open invitation for people to break into his house and rob him blind. In fact I was going to make a posting saying such on Craigs list in the near future.

But now that the cat is out of the bag, I guess I will not.
4/12/2008 6:08:32 PM (Mountain Daylight Time, UTC-06:00)
Derik - I can get behind that cause as well. What do you think the thieves will do with 50 cans of Limonata and 10 loaves of bread, though?
4/12/2008 6:11:16 PM (Mountain Daylight Time, UTC-06:00)
How awkward when you break in only to realize that a group of large hairy men wearing dog collars and masks with zippers on the mouth are house-sitting for him...
4/13/2008 9:36:15 PM (Mountain Daylight Time, UTC-06:00)
"Testicular Fortitude"...That totally belongs as a testimonial on the book jacket for Donald's new "Brownfield Development" book that he's working on. I know I would buy a tech book from anyone who had a reputation for displaying testicular fortitude. You should send that to his publisher along with a petition of people who will refuse to buy his book unless that quote is contained somewhere.
4/14/2008 9:19:12 AM (Mountain Daylight Time, UTC-06:00)
*spits milk out of nose*

LOLRSKATEZ!
5/5/2008 12:13:25 AM (Mountain Daylight Time, UTC-06:00)
A celebrity is a widely-recognized or famous person who commands a high degree of public and media attention. The word stems from the Latin verb "celebrere" but they may not become a celebrity unless public and mass media interest is piqued. For example Virgin Director Richard Branson was famous as a CEO, but he did not become a global celebrity until he attempted to circumnavigate the globe in a hot air balloon. Another example is Al Gore, whose environmental crusade has elevated him to celebrity status. On the other hand, mass entertainment personalities such as soap opera actors or music stars are likely to become celebrities even if the person deliberately avoids media attention.
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