Regular readers of this blog, my family, my friends, the girl at the Subway counter, guys who dress up in monkey suits - they all know that my Mac has put me into a state of perpetual ecstacy unseen by humankind.   I will get to that later.  First, I need to talk about how surprised and saddened I was to read about D'Arcy's ongoing trials and tribulations with his Imac machine. 

It took George Clingerman (or "DJ Random Bytes", as he forces his poor wife to call him) and his theory to truly open my eyes.  You see, I originally assumed that one of two things was going on here:

1) D'Arcy simply had a string of bad luck
2) The Apple "Manitoba Protocol" was still active.  For the few of you that are unfamiliar with the Manitoba Protocol, I will explain: Apple is fairly protective of its brand and doesn't like it being released into undeserving areas!  Sometimes a Mac will actually make it into Manitoba instead of being rerouted elsewhere.  In this case, its hard drive is damaged irreparably upon initial boot, by a giant laser beam activated via satellite. 

Reluctantly, I decided I would try to ask the person who would know best about the Manitoba Protocol's existence...the man who designed it in the first place.

SteveJobs69: HEEEEEEEEEY DUDE
Justice~!: Hey Steve, I just had a question
SteveJobs69: I AM SO DRUNK BUDDDY 
Justice~!: That's nice Steve, anyway I was wondering about the deal with the laser beam thing...
SteveJobs69: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(SteveJobs69 has left the conversation)
 
This line of inquiry having failed miserably, I then contacted Apple's technical support to ask them about the Manitoba protocol...

"Thank you for your questions!  Actually, the Manitoba protocol has been removed in OS X 10.4 and above.  As Apple is a humanitarian organization, we figured the best way to improve the plight of third-world areas like Winnipeg would be to allow Macs to grace their existence.  Hopefully seeing what Macs are like in the privledged areas of the world will convince the Winnipegians with style and class to migrate to other areas."

Thus, I just chalked this up to bad luck.  However, George figured out what so many others had missed: D'Arcy was working as an inside agent.  I mean, they guy is a Microsoft user group leader!  So rather than just openly slander Macs, D'Arcy instead pretended to order a Mac and then invented all sorts of "problems" with it, in order to slander the good name of Apple and boost up Microsoft.  It's unfortunate that D'Arcy did not realize that you can like both Windows and OS X at the same time without losing credibility!!  Did D'Arcy do this because he loves Windows?  No.  I think we all know who D'Arcy was trying to impress...


Unlike D'Arcy and his imaginary computer, I have a real Mac at home, and it has improved every aspect of my daily existence.  I have a renewed spring in my step.  People stop on the street to shake my hand, women ask me to sign body parts.  True, this happened to me *before* buying the Mac but it now happens more often!  Colors have *taste* and sounds have smells...it's a transcendental experience.  Applications on this thing have almost as much sultry appeal as yours truly - a fact that continues to astound and delight me every morning when I wake and every evening when I rest.  The Mac has not only made me a better developer, it has made me a better (and more attractive) human being.

Sincerely, the Macbook Pro is wild, sweaty sex in a laptop casing.  And over the next month, I am going to show you why!  It's my obligiation and my responsibility as a Mac user.  And to D'Arcy - one day you should give the Mac an honest chance.  It's truly as great as everyone says it is!

Update: here is the first post in what promises to be a very lengthy series!!
Update #2: and the second in what apparently promised to be a series with a lengthy delay between installments...