[ed: ah, forget it. I don't know what I could add. If you're really desparate for a bio of the Igloo Coder, I can tell you without a shred of bias this is the best one out there!]
I first met Justice at a Christmas party that, in poor planning, had the misfortune of combining an invitation for me with an open bar. I’ve never been sure if I found Justice to be bearable that night because of the fact I had someone spill a glass of red wine on my khakis or if it was because I over indulged in the open bar. Being a bit of a gambling man, I put my money on the over indulgence and I haven’t been sober in Justice’s company since.
Not long after meeting Justice, myself and few other Edmonton based software developers decided to start a User Group. In the interest of maintaining some technical and social credibility, Justice wasn’t invited. As we became more and more serious about starting the User Group, conversation naturally (for a bunch of lonely computer geeks) started to shift to determining how we could get women to come to our meetings without feeling intimidated in the monthly sausagefest. It was first pointed out that Justice would most likely be attending and thus our female quota would be filled, but counting on Justice to attend is like counting on him to be serious (for those of you that have English as a second language, or are from Winnipeg, that means it’s risky to put the chromosomal makeup of your group in his hands).
Oddly it was about this time that we had an opening become available on our newly formed leadership board. I say oddly because, as we sat in the pub finishing off another round (and watching paramedics drag our friend’s still warm corpse out the door), Justice came back from the washroom asking if any of us had seen the nail file that he’d left embedded between the corpse’s shoulder blades. Anyways, once we were served with another round (and had become completely enthralled in Justice’s powder blue, velvet shoes) we decided that we should make Justice the Vice President of the user group. The logic was simple. With him as Vice President, women would attend the user group meetings and think “If they can have a woman that is that ugly as the Vice President, the guys will be all over me”. And so, with the raise of glasses (and one bottle of Fruli – yah, you’ll never guess who was drinking *that*) our decent into mediocrity and incompetence began.
Unlike other people who have simply been shown Justice’s Transformer dolls (dude, they’re not action figures or just figurines), I’ve been honoured to have my own Transformer created by none other than Justice himself. In a moment of clarity, Justice realized that he really needed to create the ultimate Transformer and that I was to be his muse. The resulting creation had the Asian market lining up to buy their own copy of Sexmagnitron. I’ve never formally thanked you for it Justice, but your melding of my stunning good looks with cold hard steel has filled my social calendar for the remainder of my life.
Unlike the other guest bloggers you’ve had here, I’m not going to heap you with praise for Justice. I’m going to be brutally honest as I wrap this up. Your days are numbered buddy. I’m not 100% sure if it’s because you’re going to stabbed in a dark alley by a gang of WorldVision orphans vowing revenge for your consumerist manipulation of Jaturapat, or if it will be when your wife is cleaning and she mistakes your hair for a furball and tries to suck it up with the vacuum.
That last sentence has left me feeling tingly all over. Maybe it’s because I feel like I’ve finally poured my heart out about you or it could be because I’m starting to sober up. Either way it’s time for a scotch.
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