Recently the industry was rocked to its very foundations when yours truly gave the most spectacular interview (technical or otherwise) since "Macho Man" Randy Savage was asked what his chances were of wresting the Intercontinental title back from the Honky Tonk Man.  My thought-provoking discourse led to an equally thought-provoking discussion with Missisauga's local jello wrestling champion, Rob Windsor, who took umbrage to my claim that "70% of the industry is fraudulent", until I had a chat with him and promised to sign his back with the message
"Hello person of interest!
This states we have spoken,
-Justice Gray"

In the event anyone else was looking to strip 3/4s naked and wrestle me into submission as Rob had expressed, I thought I would provide some additional context to my statement.

The self-proclaimed presenters/teachers/thought leaders that I threw into the fraudulent category fall into three groups:

1) Technically fraudulent: People that perform half-baked presentations or demoware that almost exclusively shows cheaply regurgitated Microsoft slide decks without any sort of real-world relevance
2) Motivationally fraudulent: Those who do presentations simply so that they can either jack up their billing rate by $20-$50 an hour or to enjoy cheap/free vacations to cities of their choice without any real thought for making the industry better
3) Complete shysters: People who fit into *both* 1 and 2

When I said that 70% of the presentation circuit is fraudulent (and let's say for sake of argument that I could over by at least 5 percent) I was not referring to people exclusively in category #1; I was referring to people that fit into *any* of the three categories.   I personally believe that there are more people in category 2 than the others, Your opinion on which is highest might differ; however, I think we can all agree that regardless of percentages the presentation side of our industry (much like any industry's presentation side) has some difficulties. 

Rob did make one great point that I wanted to highlight here:
"Can you truly say that there is no value in someone who is presenting good content but doing so for selfish reasons?"

This is a bit of a sticking point to me but I do recognize it as an issue I have personally.  Call me a hand-holding, group-hugging, free-loving whatever but I obviously believe that it would be best if everyone who was involved in presenting, speaking, or teaching did it because they have passion, something to share, and truly want to be of benefit to the community and to help it get better.  I am not naive enough to believe that anyone involved in the industry is 100% altruistic but I do believe that these should be someone's primary motivations and not "I really need to get a Microsoft MVP award so I'd better run around and do some presentations."  For sure, there are those that will still get value out of a presenter will good material who does so out of greed, like that notorious gloryhound Scott Bellware.   I just believe strongly that presenters shouldn't be doing what they do for increasing their RFP bids or for all-expenses paid trips to Vancouver.  Actually, scratch that last one because I would run over your mother* to have an all-expenses paid trip to Vancouver, but I trust my point is made. 

I was surprised to see how many of you thought I had struck a chord with my statements - perhaps the interview wasn't quite as controversial as I originally thought it to be!  Thanks to all of you for the feedback and discussions we've had regarding these subjects over the past week or so.  In the end it is the dialogue and discussion with many of you and the actions from our community that will eventually spring forth from it that are truly important.

* yes, *YOUR* mother

P.S.  I was just kidding Scott!  You don't need to burn your "I tried to give Justice Gray my hotel key at DevTeach" T-shirt

If you miss Hot Developer Corner (and who doesn't?), well, I can't help you here - I am still lining up subjects!  However, Mike Duncan has just published an interview with none other than *yours truly*.  An interview that is TOO HOT FOR THIS BLOG.  An interview in which the following questions are answered:

• Exactly what percentage of the .NET speaking circuit is fraudulent?
• Is tech evangelism where developers go to die?
• How WYSIWYG is Justice, really?

All of these would be minor trifles in the pond, but this interview includes the answer to a question *SO* unthinkable it has never been asked...

Who is the one man in the industry* who actually has *BETTER* hair than Justice Gray??

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for the dramatic alterations in your career, your relationships, and your life that will result.  I am merely...the messenger.

* Aside from George Clingerman, who asked not to be counted as a man for the purposes of this interview

As many of you know, at the beginning of this year I announced that I would be taking a sabattical from regular blogging.  Seeing as the fabric of North American society would likely unravel without regular posts about , I decided to open up the hallowed doors of Gray's Matter to anyone who wanted to post about how I shaped their very existence, thus
a) leaving everyone with nothing but incredibly inspiring essays for a two-week period
b) skyrocketing the average post quality of this blog by a factor of ten million. 

At this time, I'd like to thank the following people for participating in this venture.  Clicking on the name will bring you to *their* tribute post, from which you can also find links to their own blogs:

George Clingerman (contest entry)
Ridley Thunder (contest entry)
Russell Ball (contest entry)
Donald Belcham (contest entry)
Kyle Baley (contest entry)
D'Arcy Lussier (entry 1, and entry 2)
Dave Woods (contest entry)
Ben Walters (who did not make a post, but created the image you see above - unfortunately the contest is not open to extended family, Ben!!  But once you marry my sister-in-law I just *may* allow you to call me your friend IN PUBLIC!!)

Choosing between these posts is like parents choosing their favorite child - they *say* it's hard but really it ends up defaulting to whichever child is the best looking.  So with that, I can now officially announce that the *winner* of the "What Justice Gray Means to Me" contest is...

actually *two* people!!

That's right, in the end I could not narrow it down to just *one* person.  So let's give a big round of applause to winner #1:

Russell Ball, The Caffienated Coder

Some would suspect that Russell Ball only won on the basis of the sheer amount of flowery praise and adulation in his post.  To those nay-sayers, I point you to the fact that I recieve claims of undying admiration, love, and sexual attraction from friends, peers, co-workers, and various cashiers on an almost hourly basis.  Let your jealousy rest!  The true reason Russell is a winner in this contest is due to him writing a post that I can completely re-use as an "About Justice Gray" post!  Thanks very much to Russell for his participation, but most of all for saving me work!

Obviously for an entry of this magnitude, even a "Potential Friend of Justice Gray" certificate just isn't enough.  So, considering that Russell is very big on coding to music, he *also* receives:

A Hannah Montana 2 double CD!!

This isn't just any Hanna Montana CD set, either - it's apparently a double CD complete with tunes from another famous artist, Miley Cyrus!!! 

Congratulations, Russell - with this and the "Potential Friend of JG" certificate coming your way, you have now reached a level of superiority among software developers only held by *three* other people - Martin Fowler, Ben Schierman, and the *other* winner of the "What Justice Gray Means to Me" contest...

Jeremy Miller of codebetter.com!!!

How is this even *possible*?  After all, Jeremy Miller isn't listed among the people above who originally posted an entry on this blog!  But he did post an entry - just not on *this* blog.

Jeremy's post back in January, entitled "Should I Blog?" appears at first glance to simply be helpful encouragement motivating other software developers to start adding their voices to the community.  However, upon reading to the *end* of the post, the massive twist is apparent: this entire essay was nothing more than a lengthy tribute to yours truly!!  And I quote,

"And finally, if you're really, really lucky and good, you can become a cultural force like Justice Gray." 

For this final line, Jeremy is not only a winner of this contest, but also a winner at *life itself*.   Congratulations to you Jeremy - I know that you have toiled and sacrificed through your entire career for this very moment.  My only regret in giving you this award: now that you've achieved all that there is to achieve, your retirement from the industry is likely imminent.   

For the culmination of Jeremy's decade-long quest, we not only have a "PFOJG" certificate, but *also*...

The High School Musical Novel, Stories from East High #7 "Friends 4Ever"!!!

This book, like the Hannah Montana 2 CD, is sitting on my desk right now, pristine and unopened.  However, I felt it my civic responsibility to share the back of the book with this audience, so you can all share in the thrills that await Mr. Miller:

"There's a new girl in town!!

When a student names Ashley enrolls at East High, Gabriella, who has plenty of experience transferring to new schools, offers to show her around.  But Gabriella soon begins to wonder if Ashley is using her to get closer to Sharpay and Troy.  After all, Sharpay is throwing a birthday bash at the local country club - the hottest invite of the year!  And Troy's such a cutie - who wouldn't try to catch his eye?  Will Gabriella find that Ashley is true friendship material, or just plain trouble?"

Before you ask, the answer is NO - I do not know how this book ends!  For answers to these questions (and anything to do with High School Musical), you'll have to ask Jeremy himself.

"But what about me?  WHAT ABOUT D'ARCY!??!"

Many of you know that D'Arcy Lussier gave a terrifying magnum opus on this blog several months ago that mentally scarred a nation.   For those who have not read it, I encourage you not to unless you are looking to see photographs of Bil Simser's genitals.  Let's just leave it at that and move on.

However, D'Arcy, knowing that a "Potential Friend of Justice Gray" certificate was the *only* thing that would get his peers to finally take him seriously as a software developer, made a *second* post, this one a little less drug-addled but no less obsequious.  Unfortunately for D'Arcy this post was *also* disqualified as he somewhat plagarized George Clingerman's feel-good inspirational message of the century.  Yes, it was his own spin but I couldn't risk George shivving D'Arcy to death at the MVP Summit.  You might even say that my refusal to give D'Arcy a "Potential Friend of Justice Gray" award saved his life.  No need to thank me - I perform humanitarian feats like this all the time.

However, *very* recently D'Arcy went all out in his attempt to get some sort of "in" for this contest.  You would think that the dedication of "I Touch Myself" to me would be quite significant, but it's unfortunately the (at last count) 1,214th time someone has dedicated this song to me before belting it out.  However, D'Arcy has made history as the first *man* who has done so, so it deserves some recognition.  As well, D'Arcy put together an audiovisual tour de force that we'll talk about in our next post - some moments were funny, other moments were touching, but every moment was inspiring, considering it was entirely dedicated to my favorite subject ever - myself.  Really, there was no way I could let that go without giving him *some* sort of award.

Unfortunately, giving D'Arcy a "Justice Gray" award for this so late in the contest (remember, this ended back in January) would be unfair to the hard work and the tears that Russell Ball and Jeremy Miller lovingly crafted into their essays.  While originally planning to send D'Arcy a chocolate medal saying "Thanks for participating", I eventually decided to give him an award that benefits more than one person in the community:


This is a win for everyone involved - D'Arcy recieves his first certificate of significance, and Donald Belcham recieves his very first friend.   You'll note that there is no secondary prize listed on here, although previous recipients of the "Potential Friend of Justice Gray" award know what that award is - trust me when I say to you, D'Arcy, perhaps you are better off not claiming it!

Note to all winners: please send me your snail-mail address and I will be happy to provide you with your prizes - otherwise I will send them to you for DevTeach!

Although my sleuthing skills are truly legendary, I can't take credit for this disturbing discovery.  No, it was head detective Shane Soldice (and his assistant Kelly Cassidy) that originally pointed out the strange nature of the relationship between Scott Guthrie (grand poobah of Microsoft's developers) and D'Arcy Lussier (grand poobah of the All-You-Can-Eat-Chicken-Wing-Night at the local Winnipeg pub):


I can't help but think that this puzzle would have been better left unsolved*.

* At least Scott looks happy, I guess

I suppose there are bigger problems.

I've been silent about this issue for fear of causing an all-out riot in Seattle this week, but the flurry of E-mails, concerned phone calls, and lingerie stapled to my door have forced me to issue the following "press release":

Yes, it is true - I was *not invited* to the MVP Summit.

And of course, the obvious question: okay, fair enough, I suppose that "Why can't I stop crying?" and "Is this truly a death knell for our great industry?" also immediately sprung to mind for 90% of you. 

But the *one*question on *everyone's* mind right now is simply: WHY?

Unfortunately, there are no easy answers.  Some of the thousands of possibilities include:

• a clerical error of earth-shattering importance
• a dark conspiracy preventing the attendance of any male that is sexually appealling
• my not holding a Microsoft MVP designation? (note: unlikely)

Even just looking at this list of three alternatives, it's clear that the answer could be absolutely anything.  Don't waste your time thinking about it!  I'm not sure we'll *ever* know the truth. 

It saddens me to think that this message has come too late for poor Digipen, no doubt covered in bodily fluids from the hordes of people that descended on the campus to erupt all over it in a spectacular urinary "fireworks" display.  That being said, I believe for the good of all involved this senseless carnage has to stop.  I'm as flattered as anyone would be by a mass excretion done in their name, but I am asking you all to put down your...erm...whatever and understand that I am happy to not be at the conference (and I mean this legitimately). 

How can I possibly say this?  Because for the last several days, I have been the recipient of several cell phone messages left by my great friend and newly minted MVP, D'Arcy Lussier!  Not the strange, jilted lover style messages such as those that Donald Belcham had left on my phone back at DevTeach, but hysterical ones.  D'Arcy's desire to keep me included has led to some of the funniest messages I have ever heard left on my phone. 


Message 1 (after he phoned to interrupt Mrs. L and I watching Empire Strikes Back to tell me that Darth Vader is Luke's father):
"Hey Justice - this is D'Arcy again.  How in the world did this slip my mind??  LUKE AND LEIA ARE BROTHER AND SISTER!!  Yes, that means that the kiss they shared - TOTALLY incest.  At least, that's what I think happ...no, wait, I just heard something about Tom [Opgenorth] kissing Han Solo.  No, wait, it's that Tom *wants* to kiss Han Solo.  Anyway, have a great night!"

Message 2 (actually clipped from a conversation we were having)
"Hey, Justice!   George Clingerman says to get good at something so that one day you can be nominated too!"

Message 3:
"Justice!  I just wanted to tell you we are having the most amazing dinner right now.  Steak, salmon, and we are surrounded by hot Asian women.  They came up to me and said (Japanese accent) "Ya...kurosawa...Justice Gray?" but I'm like, "I'm sorry, he's not here!  Seriously, what can *I* do about it?"  Anyway, you are missing out.  Actually, I'm kidding and we're actually not at a Japanese restaurant at all and we're sitting with a bunch of European *guys*.  But it sounds better the other way.  Anyway, just wanted to make sure you're okay!  Have a great night!"

Message 4 (approx 30-60 minutes later):
"Justice!  I don't know how I forgot to tell you this before, but tonight David Woods was caught dry humping a baby kangaroo.   Obviously he's moved on from the goats into the realms of legend.  Just thought you'd want to hear about it.  Have a good night buddy!"

At least, I laughed because I thought that 4th message was a joke - apparently I was mistaken...

I have never quoted so liberally from another person's post before, but extreme events require extreme measures. 

Here's the most recent post from my friend and fellow exec of the Edmonton .NET User Group, Donald Belcham (also known in both development circles and BDSM communities as the Igloo Coder). 

"I figured I should put up a bit of info about my plans for this spring's conference season.  So here they are.

April 14 - 17, MVP Summit...and of course Party with Palermo.  I'm only an attendee at this one, but I'm sure it'll be an interesting experience going to the mothership for the first time.

April 18 - 20, Alt.Net Seattle.  Again, only an attendee...or is anyone 'only' an attendee at an Open Spaces conference.

May 12 -16, DevTeach Toronto.  Speaking at this one.  As always I'm sure it'll be a great conference which will allow you to get quality face time with speakers and other people with great ideas.

May 19 & 20, The Great Developer Summit Bangalore. This one is going to be very interesting.  I've never been to India.  I'm from a wee-tiny-hick-town, not a city with many millions in it.  I don't do well in heat.  What I am looking forward to is seeing how passionate, pragmatic and skilled our development counterparts 1/2 way around the world are."

Now, it's easy to misread this as a simple "Here's my travelling schedule for the next month or two in the event you want to share a beer with me", instead of perhaps one of the most courageous posts of 2008.

Tragically easy.

Luckily for everyone, especially Donald, I am a *master* of critical analysis.  Let's re-read that last paragraph with the important points highlighted.

"May 19 & 20, The Great Developer Summit Bangalore. This one is going to be very interesting.  I've never been to India.  I'm from a wee-tiny-hick-town, not a city with many millions in it.  I don't do well in heat.  What I am looking forward to is seeing how passionate, pragmatic and skilled our development counterparts 1/2 way around the world are."

That's right - Donald Belcham is trying to tell you all that in addition to being a software development legend, he also suffers from male impotence.

You can laugh if you like, but to share this story with the entire internet takes a lot of testicular fortitude - certainly ironic considering the subject.  On its own, this post seems rather strange - after all, wouldn't you just go see a doctor rather than tell the entire development community?  But if you take into account his previous post, you can see the *true* message my good friend is trying to share:
 
It doesn't matter whether you have successfully migrated your team from VSS to Subversion if you don't have functioning genitals.

I'd like to take this opportunity to rally the community's support.  With the Microsoft MVP Summit only one week away, I want my friend to be able to hold his head high - it might be the only part he can!  It is now *my* turn to plead - to all of you MVPs out there, I am hoping you will be able to at least buy Donald a drink (if not several kilograms of Viagra) in order to show your support for his devastating disorder!

I have also made a small image you can handily post on *your* web site, or print and wear on a physical button if you want to show Donald you care about his well-being.


And to Donald: as always, you don't have to thank me for bringing attention to this - it's just what friends do!  We've got your back buddy!

Well, I have to say for one month this is pretty awesome. See below.

That table above represents the difference between this week and last week.  Below we have the difference between today and when I started this back on February 17th...


This means that in the last month, I've managed to lose 7 pounds, drop 2 inches off of my waist, and drop my body fat % by 3.1 percent, while losing minimal muscle measurements.

Rock on!  And this is just month 1!!!

Some reasonably good results this week, especially when you take into account the net change over the last 3 weeks! We've also learned that apparently we can't measure shoulders worth a damn in the Gray household, if you've been tracking previous weeks!

Overall since starting this three weeks back:

All right, week 2 has arrived.  While less progress was made this week, at least there was still progress!  Note: I'm only using the negative marker for weight and BF%.  I realized after my first week that I'd probably be dropping some slight measurements in my muscles, so otherwise I'd have the whole table in red every week! I've also gone back and corrected nmy mistake last week where my calf measure as much as my thigh, which would led to a very oddly proportioned looking man.

This week:


Overall:

Becoming a exotic dancer is always a frightening yet strangely fulfilling prospect.

Perhaps there will soon be a *new* reason for the term "Coding Horror"?

All right!  As promised last week, my measurements are up.   I've redone my body fat percentage as according to the calculations done at the Runner's World Body Fat Calculator  (so there is some rounding involved).  This had the depressing fact of skyrocketing my BF% measurement from last week upward (it's about *8%* more than originally calculated!) but at least there's some consistency in the measurement from week to week! Weight is in lbs and measurements are in inches. Positive measurements are in green, no difference in white, and "bad" differences are in red.

...is that you end up spending a little too much time talking shop with your patient wife.  I've quoted the relevant snippet, although if you want some insight into our courtship history it's a good read:

"During that time, unintentionally my knowledge of development-related topics (OO TDD, programming, design patterns, VB.Net vs. C#.Net, Agile, MVC vs. MVP, etc.) actually increased, despite the fact that I don't even know how to write a proper For / Next loop anymore."

Note: my wife is an elementary teacher.

Brother in law (on phone): "Hey, not to have a massive geek-out but there's a lunar eclipse going on right now"

Justice: "Where?!"

*(although this is still probably #2 to the Jason Row story)

In the spirit of the seemingly random string of numbers I posted yesterday, here's another list of supposedly random items:

• 3/4s of a full roasted duck
  
• One pint of Marble Slab ice cream (coffee flavor with mixins of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and Skor)
• A 14" meat pizza
• Several brownies
• An entire roasted chicken
  
• One puffed wheat square
• A McDonalds Double Quarter Pounder, 10 McNuggets, and a large fries
  
• One Wendy's Baconator
• A piece of Marble Slab ice cream cake
• Half of another 14" meat pizza
• Tim Horton's Sausage Egg breakfast sandwich
• A Grilled Shrimp Eggs benedict
• Two Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwiches + a large fries
• Another pint of Marble Slab ice cream (same as before, but this time with Butterfinger mixed in as well)

While this list *does* describe a sure road to a heart attack, it actually represents *some* of the food I ate in the three days between 7 PM on Valentine's Day and the night of Feb 17th.

I think we can all hail this as a spectacular achievement in raw gluttony than anything else!!  I know I amazed myself with this!

Now I'll solve the mystery of the random numbers, and you'll see how this relates:

• 20.2 - my current body fat percentage
• 42.25 - my current chest measurement in inches
• 45.75 - my current shoulder measurement in inches
• 14 - my current arm measurement in inches
• 190.4 - my current weight in pounds
• 22.5 - my current thigh measurement in inches
• 14.5 - my current calf measurement in inches
• 39.5 - my current *WAIST* measurement in inches (before anyone debates this, take a measuring tape around the largest part of your stomach, *not* where you cinch up your pants below that gut)

All of these measurements were as of this Monday morning.  Neither of these lists really sound like the rampaging success story my "In 6 months, everything changes" post was leading to, was it? 

In normal posts of this nature, you get a lot of hand-wringing, possibly some tears and most importantly, a laundry list of excuses.  This post is not one of those!  You know what, everybody fails.  However, not everybody posts about it publically.  Has Steven Rockarts posted about his repeated forced trips back to rehab?  Has Donald posted about his struggles with "Hello World"?  NADA.  I am okay with failing, and I'm okay with telling you all about it, mostly because it is from this failure I intend to have success.

When someone has a spectacular success, you can't *avoid* hearing about it. But when someone doesn't knock off a goal as they intended you're not likely to even hear them talk about the original goal itself - it's quietly swept under the rug as if it never happened.  Luckily most people know I am anything *but* quiet. 

Yes, I was accountable to the people who read this blog when I made my initial proclamation and I didn't make it.  But I'm not going to pretend I never made that commitment.  I wrote this post to be a marker for myself and all of you: I am going to rededicate myself to this goal until I actually get back into shape.  Unlike the last time I did this, I am *also* pledging that every Sunday from now until such time as I am around 12% body fat, I will be posting the same measurements on this blog.  Sure, there are those who will complain as they did with D'Arcy when he posted about his training goals. Unlike Mr. Lussier, however, I don't have the disadvantage of people reading this blog for technical content!  HA!

I've talked about this industry being in several crisises before, most notably the tail end of my presentation at DevTeach 2007 (and we'll be discussing this a little more in a little while).  But one crisis I didn't mention is the *health* crisis.  Yes, not every developer is remarkably out of shape, but many are, weaned as they are on diets of pizza and unlimited pop beverages.  Well, someone needs to be a better example and I am going to get back in shape because I want our *industry* to get into shape.   Yeah, sure, I'll be happier with 6 pack abs but I'll be really happy when our industry can also focus on looking better and feeling better as well as coding better.

I've failed tons of times.  However, I've also succeeded a bunch of times, and most often after picking myself up off the ground.  We need more stories about people who tried, failed, tried again, perservered and succeeded beyond measure.   

Mark my words when I say this is going to be one of those stories.  I promise you that.

"Like I said last week, this is just the beginning.  After all, if you want to change the world, first you have to able to change yourself.  

And who doesn't want to change the world?"

20.2
42.25
45.75
14
190.4
22.5
14.5
39.5

No, this is not my own exploration into random number generation.  What is this all about?  Tune in tomorrow to find out!

[Note: I originally received this entry February 10.  Circumstances prevented me from posting it until now, but in respect to the original date it was posted I've dated it back to February 11th, 2008.  If nothing else, David certainly deserves points for his entreprenurial spirit, as you'll see below!]

It turns out that the only thing I came up with is that Justice Gray means nothing to me. Because of that I have decided to hire someone to write this post for me.

What Justice Gray Means to Me, by Ian Smith

Dave tells me that Justice has become a pretty big name in the industry. Reading through his “blog” I could not determine why. Then I realized why…. he is like the ugly girl the average girl takes to the bar. By comparison everyone else’s technical blogs look like quantum physics next to pictures of a dinosaur humping a gorilla.

Justice is apparently “North America’s favorite metrosexual software consultant”.  Now I asked around about what a metrosexual is and the only consistent answer I have received is “closeted something or other”, of which I found some evidence on Justice’s own blog. 

To my surprise I have been told that Justice is married to a woman. Also to my surprise I have been told that Dave has met said woman and even determined she was not being held against her will. Dave must have been as suspicious as I was.

Justice represents what can happen when a developer passes the point of “how do I use this damn photo editing software” to “I bet you I could put Dons head into funny pictures” and then gets hooked.  He is the meth’d out street kid of our industry and trust me he will do anything to have paint.net installed on his computer (or hair product… they are about equal to Justice).

Justices sidebar reads:  “A seething cauldron of rampaging masculinity. A fighter! A brother! Your secret lover! He's also a software development consultant and the Vice President of the Edmonton .NET user group. He also greatly enjoys speaking about himself in the 3rd person”. One of these items I have verified as the truth…. Can you tell which one?

[ed: I guess you figured out from the police and the restraining order yesterday, Ian, that I am actually *not* your secret lover!   But keep guessing!]

[second ed: This now officially ends the "What Does Justice Gray mean to me" contest.  Tune in next week (actually second week of March, 2008 to find out *who* the winner of this hallowed competition is!]

[Note: I originally received this entry February 10.  Circumstances prevented me from posting it until now, but in respect to the original date it was posted I've dated it back to February 11th, 2008.]

It turns out that the only thing I came up with is that Justice Gray means nothing to me. Because of that I have decided to hire someone to write this post for me.

What Justice Gray Means to Me, by Ian Smith

Dave tells me that Justice has become a pretty big name in the industry. Reading through his “blog” I could not determine why. Then I realized why…. he is like the ugly girl the average girl takes to the bar. By comparison everyone else’s technical blogs look like quantum physics next to pictures of a dinosaur humping a gorilla.

Justice is apparently “North America’s favorite metrosexual software consultant”.  Now I asked around about what a metrosexual is and the only consistent answer I have received is “closeted something or other”, of which I found some evidence on Justice’s own blog. 

To my surprise I have been told that Justice is married to a woman. Also to my surprise I have been told that Dave has met said woman and even determined she was not being held against her will. Dave must have been as suspicious as I was.

Justice represents what can happen when a developer passes the point of “how do I use this damn photo editing software” to “I bet you I could put Dons head into funny pictures” and then gets hooked.  He is the meth’d out street kid of our industry and trust me he will do anything to have paint.net installed on his computer (or hair product… they are about equal to Justice).

Justices sidebar reads:  “A seething cauldron of rampaging masculinity. A fighter! A brother! Your secret lover! He's also a software development consultant and the Vice President of the Edmonton .NET user group. He also greatly enjoys speaking about himself in the 3rd person”. One of these items I have verified as the truth…. Can you tell which one?

[ed: I guess you figured out from the police and the restraining order yesterday, Ian, that I am actually *not* your secret lover!   But keep guessing!]

[second ed: This now officially ends the "What Does Justice Gray mean to me" contest.  Tune in next week (actually second week of March, 2008 to find out *who* the winner of this hallowed competition is!]

I assume everyone currently living in North America reads Mo Khan's blog.  I also assume that anyone who *doesn't* read Mo Khan's blog is a total loser!    Then again, I also assume that D'Arcy Lussier shooting up with horse steroids twice a day is going to have *no* side-effects whatsoever so you can take my assumptions for what you feel they are worth.

Anyway, if you have been reading Mo Khan's excellent blog (or seen the reference to him on the Caffeinated Coder) you would know that Mo has nominated me for a Microsoft MVP award.  I am flattered by this considering Mo's posts are always among the most intelligent and insightful on the web, which means that to post something like this means he no longer *cares* about having credibility.  That's a sacrifice only true friends make. 

It's unfortunate that Mo makes this recommendation at a time when the Microsoft MVP Program has almost zero credibility itself. 

Yes, that's correct.  You see, there are several fantastic leaders in our industry right now who are *far* more deserving of the MVP on *all* scales and measures of community involvement and technical credibility, and none of them currently have a Microsoft MVP designation.

I'm going to pause for a second while you all pull your jaws back up from the initial shock of my statement.

The people I am thinking of are far too humble to realize that they are being ripped off by the almighty MS.  Fortunately,  as any reader of more than one post on this blog can attest to, excessive humility is certainly not a problem of mine.  I'm going to drag this conspiracy into the light by naming all of these exemplary people and giving you a brief run-down of their background so that you will know as well as I do why the MVP program will never be able to hold itself as a bastion of the best of the best until these people are all MVPs themselves.



Tom travels pretty much all over the place spreading the good news about Test-Driven Development, Refactoring, and various other practices that pretty much everyone with a lick of common sense should know about.  Last year he presented at no less than six separate speaker engagements, will have done another two or three by the time February is over.  He has been running a technical blog that has consistently poured out excellent information for several years.   Why Tom is not an MVP already is quite possibly the second biggest mystery facing the technical community today.


Again we have someone who has tirelessly worked his @$$ off, presenting all over Western Canada and (once again) running a blog with fantastic articles yet with nothing to show for it.  I'm not sure whether it is his previous association with this blog through Hot Developer Corner or his ribald domain name that is keeping Microsoft from giving him the recognition he deserves as one of Western Canada's top technical talents.  David: if you are listening, perhaps changing your domain name to DavidWoodsEnterpriseSuiteForDevelopersExtensiveEdition.com will get Microsoft's marketing division to stand up and take notice.

You let me know how someone can:

• post amazing educational (and more importantly, readable) content for about 2-3 years that manages to educate while not also putting its readers to sleep
• be presenting along the Eastern Coast of the United States
  
• be considered good enough to join the gang at CodeBetter
• have an amazing sense of style

yet *not* be considered for a Microsoft MVP.  I presume there's just residual jealousy over Kyle's chosen location because my brain cracks in half every time I try to piece this together in a logical manner.


I can't figure out for the life of me why someone who tirelessly tours around the entirety of Texas talking and blogging about MVC, NHibernate, TDD, and looking good to anyone who will listen doesn't have some sort of recognition for his efforts.  I am presuming that he is also a victim of jealousy over his "Potential Friend of Justice Gray" certificate.  Microsoft MVP Program people: if giving you a certificate of your own will get you to cast aside the green-eyed monster for Ben Scheirman, I will do so.

Here are some choice quotes from Microsoft's MVP site.  First from the overview:

"When a community participant sees an MVP in a technical community, whether in a newsgroup, as a user group host, a conference speaker, or a respondent in forums, that community participant can be confident that the information shared by the MVP will be of the highest caliber and will help every user make the most of the technology."

Then from the FAQ:

"Individuals are nominated for the MVP Award by their peers or by Microsoft, based on their contributions during the previous year to offline or online technical communities. Each nominee's contributions are then compared to the other candidates' contributions for the same year to determine who will receive the award.

Nominees are chosen from traditional and emerging community venues, including public news groups, forums, third-party Web sites, user groups, book authors, event speakers, Web boards, blogs, and wikis."

Microsoft - I plead with you publicly, let this statement mean something again by putting these men in the spotlight that they truly deserve!!  

Today is my good friend Donald Belcham's birthday (it's actually also my father's birthday, but I think he'd prefer to have as little to do publicly with this blog as possible).   I want to mention that sincerely I think Donald is an amazing dude, and someone who I have immense respect for both personally and professionally - he was the first .NET MVP in Edmonton Alberta, and no one is more deserving of that honor in this city.  He's an inspiration to software developers everywhere, but if you are lucky enough to have him as a friend there is none better.

To celebrate Donald's 7 decades of software development mastery I've decided to share one of my favorite stories about Donald, one that no one has heard until now. 

I hung with Donald, Steve Rockarts, Kyle Baley and some others at DevTeach in Vancouver this last year and Donald got into a bit of a debate with a 5 year old child walking in the Sheraton Wall Centre with his 27 year old mother when we went to get breakfast.  It was clear the child Donald was talking to (let's call him a "Tiny Tot") was just out of his league, but he was doing his best to hold his own in this debate (I think it was about whether or not the kid wanted to give Donald the rest of his ice cream).

The conversation started to get a little edgy, and Donald decided he wanted to move on to other topics, so he rapid-fired all the reasons why he thought the way he did about the thing he was talking about. *THEN* he kicked the kid SQUARE IN THE NUTS, grabbed his mom, french kissed her and then leaned over and yelled "I'M YOUR DAD!!!" at the crumpled mass of child on the floor. Short, concise, right between the legs.  It was overwhelming. A complete savant spasm that no one was ready for. It was a clear statement: “I’ve had fun, I’m done”.

The only response the child could give was a whimper before he curled up in the fetal position and rocked himself back and forth.

Donald then lays out, what to me, is pure Belcham:

That’s Prison Life Baby

The room erupted with spilled drinks and laughter, tears and people holding their sides from laughing. It was at that time that I decided never to debate Donald in anything, ever, especially if I had a child of my own!! 

I invite you all to share your own treasured Donald memories on your blog today to commemorate this occasion!!

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