I have never quoted so liberally from another person's post before, but extreme events require extreme measures. 

Here's the most recent post from my friend and fellow exec of the Edmonton .NET User Group, Donald Belcham (also known in both development circles and BDSM communities as the Igloo Coder). 

"I figured I should put up a bit of info about my plans for this spring's conference season.  So here they are.

April 14 - 17, MVP Summit...and of course Party with Palermo.  I'm only an attendee at this one, but I'm sure it'll be an interesting experience going to the mothership for the first time.

April 18 - 20, Alt.Net Seattle.  Again, only an attendee...or is anyone 'only' an attendee at an Open Spaces conference.

May 12 -16, DevTeach Toronto.  Speaking at this one.  As always I'm sure it'll be a great conference which will allow you to get quality face time with speakers and other people with great ideas.

May 19 & 20, The Great Developer Summit Bangalore. This one is going to be very interesting.  I've never been to India.  I'm from a wee-tiny-hick-town, not a city with many millions in it.  I don't do well in heat.  What I am looking forward to is seeing how passionate, pragmatic and skilled our development counterparts 1/2 way around the world are."

Now, it's easy to misread this as a simple "Here's my travelling schedule for the next month or two in the event you want to share a beer with me", instead of perhaps one of the most courageous posts of 2008.

Tragically easy.

Luckily for everyone, especially Donald, I am a *master* of critical analysis.  Let's re-read that last paragraph with the important points highlighted.

"May 19 & 20, The Great Developer Summit Bangalore. This one is going to be very interesting.  I've never been to India.  I'm from a wee-tiny-hick-town, not a city with many millions in it.  I don't do well in heat.  What I am looking forward to is seeing how passionate, pragmatic and skilled our development counterparts 1/2 way around the world are."

That's right - Donald Belcham is trying to tell you all that in addition to being a software development legend, he also suffers from male impotence.

You can laugh if you like, but to share this story with the entire internet takes a lot of testicular fortitude - certainly ironic considering the subject.  On its own, this post seems rather strange - after all, wouldn't you just go see a doctor rather than tell the entire development community?  But if you take into account his previous post, you can see the *true* message my good friend is trying to share:
 
It doesn't matter whether you have successfully migrated your team from VSS to Subversion if you don't have functioning genitals.

I'd like to take this opportunity to rally the community's support.  With the Microsoft MVP Summit only one week away, I want my friend to be able to hold his head high - it might be the only part he can!  It is now *my* turn to plead - to all of you MVPs out there, I am hoping you will be able to at least buy Donald a drink (if not several kilograms of Viagra) in order to show your support for his devastating disorder!

I have also made a small image you can handily post on *your* web site, or print and wear on a physical button if you want to show Donald you care about his well-being.


And to Donald: as always, you don't have to thank me for bringing attention to this - it's just what friends do!  We've got your back buddy!

Today is my good friend Donald Belcham's birthday (it's actually also my father's birthday, but I think he'd prefer to have as little to do publicly with this blog as possible).   I want to mention that sincerely I think Donald is an amazing dude, and someone who I have immense respect for both personally and professionally - he was the first .NET MVP in Edmonton Alberta, and no one is more deserving of that honor in this city.  He's an inspiration to software developers everywhere, but if you are lucky enough to have him as a friend there is none better.

To celebrate Donald's 7 decades of software development mastery I've decided to share one of my favorite stories about Donald, one that no one has heard until now. 

I hung with Donald, Steve Rockarts, Kyle Baley and some others at DevTeach in Vancouver this last year and Donald got into a bit of a debate with a 5 year old child walking in the Sheraton Wall Centre with his 27 year old mother when we went to get breakfast.  It was clear the child Donald was talking to (let's call him a "Tiny Tot") was just out of his league, but he was doing his best to hold his own in this debate (I think it was about whether or not the kid wanted to give Donald the rest of his ice cream).

The conversation started to get a little edgy, and Donald decided he wanted to move on to other topics, so he rapid-fired all the reasons why he thought the way he did about the thing he was talking about. *THEN* he kicked the kid SQUARE IN THE NUTS, grabbed his mom, french kissed her and then leaned over and yelled "I'M YOUR DAD!!!" at the crumpled mass of child on the floor. Short, concise, right between the legs.  It was overwhelming. A complete savant spasm that no one was ready for. It was a clear statement: “I’ve had fun, I’m done”.

The only response the child could give was a whimper before he curled up in the fetal position and rocked himself back and forth.

Donald then lays out, what to me, is pure Belcham:

That’s Prison Life Baby

The room erupted with spilled drinks and laughter, tears and people holding their sides from laughing. It was at that time that I decided never to debate Donald in anything, ever, especially if I had a child of my own!! 

I invite you all to share your own treasured Donald memories on your blog today to commemorate this occasion!!

With apologies to the guy who does Basic Instructions...

This photo was taken at the DevTeach Canadian User Groups summit last Monday (click for a larger version).



Why do I like this photo so much?  Well,

• Steve Rockarts is out of it
  
• I look like I'm stifling laughter
• Donald Belcham is hiding away because "people are *scary*!"

which makes this the perfect summary of the EDMUG executive in pictures.*

Stay tuned tomorrow for the only recap of DevTeach that matters!!

* To those of you who feel Steve Yang and Brad Daoust should be represented appropriately for this to be a real EDMUG representation, click here

Yes, this deserves that many tildes, and no, this is NOT an April Fools joke.

Donald Belcham is now Edmonton's newest Microsoft MVP (for C#).

I am telling you all with no sarcasm that there is no Edmonton-based developer who is more deserving of a Microsoft MVP than Donald.  Aside from being a vast reservoir for comedic material, he is the biggest reason for EDMUG's continued success and is a tireless, passionate, and incredibly talented software developer.  It is largely through Donald's efforts that we have the thriving Edmonton community that we do today, and I am very happy that Microsoft has chosen to recognize him for his efforts! 

Congratulations buddy!  I am very proud of you. 

And it is because of that pride I am announcing a one year moratorium on Donald Belcham jokes on this blog.  You've earned it buddy!

Okay, that *last* paragraph is April Fools for *SURE*!!!

Ah, Google - where the first two results for images of "Donald Belcham" (thanks, D'Arcy) pull up the newest member of Voltron and what appears to be the deranged scribbings of a toddler!  

Archived for posterity:

"I've had two Tylenol caffeine pills and very little sleep, so I might be a little jumpy."

When someone leads in with *that*, you know you're in for a good presentation.  Some highlights of Jean-Paul Boodhoo's talk last night at EDMUG:

• "...and if you do that, you are *screwed*."  (turns to sign language translator on the side) "Why don't you try signing *that*?"
• JP nearly pimp-slapping someone over questioning OO principles
• "Feel free to throw money at me"
• "I'm feeling horrible pain in my stomach but that's okay"
• "There are two different JPs.  Well, *maybe* there are two different JPs."
• "There's no 2 instances of a 5 dollar bill, but there's two instances of JP!"

Seriously, I think we were about 10 minutes away from JP screaming, stripping himself and yelling about all the bugs crawling on him.  All of that, *and* we got a look at the Proxy pattern and Unit of Work!

One other note: this was probably one of the highest attendances we've had since we started EDMUG.  Thanks to all of the Edmonton developers who have continued to impress us all with their enthusiasm, passion, and dedication.  It's great to be able to do these kind of things and you guys out there make it happen!

This is just a quick reminder that next week on Thursday, Feb 22, JP Boodhoo will be coming down to EDMUG to talk about enterprise design patterns and whatever else happens to come to mind!  JP's sessions are nothing short of phenomenal - don't miss out!

Yes, you read that right.  Forget about the Shrine Circus, forget about Cirque Du Soleil, forget about Ice Capades; *this* is the greatest traveling show in Albertan history - and it's coming here in only two weeks time!   Stunning renditions of Andrew Lloyd Webber musical hits, dancing girls, a pyrotechnic display, two caged lions, and enterprise design patterns*; this event is going to have it all.  For those of you have been to the JP Boodhoo experience previously, you know what to expect, and for those of you who haven't, I refer you back to my post last April for JP's inaugural appearance at the very first EDMUG meeting.  Trust me, in hindsight Mugatu and a nuclear explosion were a massive understatement in describing the awesomeness of that presentation!   If you don't care about seeing JP Boodhoo, you don't care about seeing a man juggle 5 flaming knives while refactoring a class structure with Resharper.  Trust me, bring your parents, bring your children...bring your parent's children!!! It will be something for the ages. 

As usual, we're in the Edmonton Public Library and more details can be found on the EDMUG web site.

Two weeks!!!

TWO WEEKS!!

And it was *awesome*!

A quick list of thank yous:

• Nolan Zak for inviting us out, and for drawing my name as the winner of an ASP.NET control suite!  The only thing I've won prior to this has been the hearts and minds of the entire North American populace, so it's nice to have finally received something else as a prize.
• The entire Victoria .NET Developers Association for the great job in setting things up at the university - this code camp was very well organized and definitely had a phenomenal line-up of talent, not to mention phenomenal attendance!
• Mike Culver of Amazon for getting over his distrust of people with sexy heads of hair and thus enabling him and I to have the most significant and courageous detente since the collapse of the Berlin wall.
• James Kovacs for not beating the crap out of the attendee who attempted to hijack his presentation with running commentary throughout.
• James Kovacs for not beating the crap out of *me* when I managed to leave his presentation out one dorr only to come in through the other door and then leave immediately afterwards.  Seriously, I'm done with the meth, guys; I won't let it control me!
• To Steven Rockarts, who did not attend but whose "Let's Get Physical" photographs were the hit of my talks!  How exciting to see these jokes are now transcending provincial boundaries!
• To all of the people who attended my talks for the great conversations afterwards about agile development, dynamic languages and the future of the .NET framework!  It's the post-presentation chats that make presenting so much fun for me.
• To the University of Victoria for having the greatest possible setup for presenters and attendees alike!  Donald has already waxed enthusiastic over on his own blog so I'll just point you there - what a great venue!
  
• To the numerous denizens at the security of the Victoria and Edmonton airports for telling me how much they admired my Mac!  Definitely a nice surprise and something I'll comment about in a later post.
  
• To my dinner companions at the Sticky Wicket for their patience with my verbosity at dinner!
• To the guy who won the free DevTeach registration - thanks in advance for giving that to me out of the goodness of your heart so that I don't have to put out a hit on you or anything!  Just kidding...sort of...*sob*
• Finally, to Japan Taxi for...well, I'll save that for the next post...

Fantastic city, fantastic weather, and a fantastic turn-out; thanks for having the EDMUG boys out there and hopefully we can do this again another time!

All right, let's try this again

Some of you might be experiencing some measure of deja vu...after all, didn't I just post about Rob Windsor the other day?  You're right - that post has *vanished* into the ether, never to return.  What happened was either:

a) Justice, in a fit of incompetence, deleted the post by mistake

b) Rob Windsor, angered by my dissing of his home city in my post, used his MASTER HAXX0R skills to vandalize my blog.

Of course, one of the above statements is factually impossible.  And therefore, I am calling you out of your drug-induced haze, Rob Windsor!!  Legions around the world* called you a hero; through this one act of vandalism, you've metaphoricallty ripped their still-beating hearts out of their chests and laughed maniacally.  How do you sleep at night??

That cherubic grin doesn't fool me Rob.  I see you know for what you are - a cold, calculating and devious man who hides behind this facade of master programmer and friendly face!   We will meet Dec 7, Rob, and that is when the RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE will commence! 

The original post is below.

Do you spend your days cold and alone, crying yourself to sleep in the darkness? Ever thought you could pull it all together if you just had that shoulder to cry on…just once, someone who would listen instead of spitting at you? Heck, I don’t – I mean, I’m not a loser. And I suspect as an EDMUG member, you aren’t either!

But in the event you needed someone to listen to your pathetic sob stories, rest assured…Rob Windsor listens. Rob Windsor cares!! Not only is he coming all the way from the greatest legalized ghetto in the country to present here in Edmonton, but he is presenting according to what you wanted – that’s right, the results of the votes from the EDMUG site are in. Rob Windsor will be talking about none other than Windows Communication Foundation!!! But let’s not forget that EDMUG gives into the demands of our speakers like Donald Belcham gives in to sexual harassment from senior citizens. Thus, EDMUG is announcing that this meeting will be on the first Thursday of December – December 7th and that Rob will be getting his requested kilo of Columbian cocaine to snort afterwards. Toronto has a serious drug problem, and its name is ROB WINDSOR~!

Proving that quality and competency are not required prerequisites for presenters, Nolan Zack from the Victoria .Net Developers Association has invited Donald Belcham and I to give presentations at the upcoming Victoria Code Camp (that is one heck of a nice design)!  I'm not sure what bet Nolan lost that required such questionable actions, but I am appreciative for the opportunity to speak nonetheless.  (I would note that I am not linking to Nolan Zack as he does not seem to have a blog, although a google search for "Nolan Zack Blog" brings up "Where are the lesbian anchorwomen?", so he still has my respect).

Currently if you check the presentation schedule, I am presenting on the ever-popular TBA.  This will probably change.  Despite having it as the one accomplishment underneath every job listed on my resume (which gets it to one page very easily), I am not all that familiar with TBA so I will be presenting on something else.  I thought, why not let the Victoria user group choose from a list of potential topics?  So for the next 5 days, I will be taking votes via E-mail or blog comments on what to present at Victoria Code Camp.  Note to any non-Victorians: if something on this list appeals to you, vote for it nonetheless and perhaps one day someone as deranged and desperate as Nolan will get me to come to your town!

1) Ruby - The language John Bristowe loves to hate

Ruby.  It's seductive.  It's sultry.  It's sassy.  John Bristowe can't stand it, and *you* want to be a part of it!!  The top-rated Edmonton Code Camp presentation is back (see testimonial)!  All of the cheers, tears, and Transformers of the original - only this time without even a *shred* of technical competency!  Unless you've been living in a cave, you've no doubt heard about Ruby; even if you have been living in a cave, that's no excuse!  Do you want to savor Ruby's sweet caress but are intimidated by its sexy ways?  Then you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll cheer as Justice takes you on a magic carpet ride through the ins and outs of Ruby's crystal persuasions.  SPECIAL BONUS: Psychoanalysis of John and his anger at Javascript.  Can we get these two crazy kids back together?

2) Drunken Design Patterns

Design patterns.  The Gang of Four.  BORING!!!  Sure, it's a good book, but we all know it is *tremendously* dry; this presentation is anything *but* dry!!  Have you wanted to learn design patterns but been put off by the academic tone of the GOF book?  Too ashamed to buy "Head First Design Patterns" because of the porn-star cover?  This presentation will give you all of the thrills of design pattern goodness but with Justice taking shots of tequila at 2 minute intervals!!!  Watch as Justice gets progressively more inebriated, eventually degenerating into abusive rants at the audience and finishing the presentation with spectacular projectile vomiting.   Guaranteed to be the one presentation you will *NEVER* forget, no matter how badly you want to!!

3) Powershell - Does This Guy Suck or What??

Have you heard about Powershell?  So has Justice!!  Do you know anything about Powershell?  Neither does Justice!!  Isn't this thing just a glorified command-line utility with some C# thrown in?  Probably - it's not like I have any clue!  We'll probably just listen to Scott Hanselman's Powershell podcast instead - *it's* 45 minutes!!!  Guaranteed to be a complete train wreck of a presentation!

4) Laurence Gowan - A Musical Retrospective

Over the course of the last 25 years, Gowan and his enchanting melodies have hypnotized a generation.  But there has never been a fitting tribute...until now.  Join Justice, a karaoke machine, and an open mic for some spectacular renditions of Gowan's greatest hits complete with interpretive dance.  "Where's the code?"  Are you freaking kidding me?  This is fricking GOWAN!!  

5) Windows Tools For Sexy People

Pretty much every Code Camp or conference has to have *someone* talking about Windows tools.  Notepad++?  NUnit?  Forget that garbage - everybody's seen it.  CLICHED!!  Only Justice has the *GUTS* to talk about the Windows tools you'd rather forget!  Notepad - the original!  Calc!  Solitaire!  *The character map*!!    Special bonus talk about the Windows 3.1 extra games set with Chip's Challenge and Taipei!  You'll be angry at Justice for wasting 45 minutes of your time and angry with yourself for loving it *so much*!!!  

6) Forget about this crap, let's go make fun of Donald Belcham!


Nolan made the mistake of booking Donald and I *against* each other in opposing rooms.  So why not take an hour-long break and have some fun?  We'll meet in our room and then go over to Donald's room, where we'll do what we all do at every Edmonton .NET User Group meeting - harass and berate him for 45 minutes straight!  Bring your Mexican wrestling masks and streamers!!  Trust me, nothing I can possibly present will match *this* for entertainment value!

Isn't this a *HELL* of a lot better than the Cave of Time??

For those of you who were unable to attend last night's amazing EDMUG meeting, I have uploaded yet another screencast that features the following:

• step-by-step: the extreme makeover of Steven Rockarts from man caught licking his own face to a seduction machine, all with the help of John Bristowe's favorite utility, Paint.NET (if you are looking for the .NET 1.1 version, click here)
• writing our own custom EDMUG programming language in Notepad++ as well as other features that show why you need to have this on your computer *now*
• replacing Task Manager with SysInternals' phenomenal Process Explorer
• setting up simultaneous tabs for Ruby IRB, VS.NET 2005 Command Prompt, and Cygwin in the new cmd replacement, Console
• TaskSwitchXP - it's better Alt-Tabbing this way
• finally, a very brief demo of the *fantastic* TimeSnapper Classic in which you can actually catch a brief glimpse of my playing Punch-Out on a Super NES emulator (ZSNES: another essential tool for developers everywhere.  Important disclaimer: I actually own Super Punch-Out in physical cartridge form as well.)

Note: at a later date I will probably re-record this or at the very least add some subtitles to it for ease of understanding! 

Download the screencast here!

If you're coming to the Edmonton .NET user group tomorrow (October 23rd at 6:00 PM), we will blow the lid off of this mystery...together!!   Yours truly will be presenting along with Donald Belcham, David Woods, Christina Gray (who doesn't seem to have a blog!!  *For shame*~!)  and the somewhat deranged individual above.  This picture is an integral piece of the puzzle.

For those of you that cannot make it, I will post the answer to this riddle in silent screencast style either Monday night or Tuesday morning...but feel free to guess in the meantime! 

Hard to believe this is now in the past!

All I can say is *WOW*.  That was an incredibly fun day and I certainly hope that you all enjoyed it as well!  For those of you who would like a little more detail than I provided in my reviews, both David Woods and Jason Hunt blogged about the event in far better fashion than I did!  Definitely check out their synopsises (synopsii?) when you have a chance.  As well, if you have written any sort of review of Edmonton Code Camp, please contact me and I'll be sure to link it up here!

Thanks to:

Steven Rockarts:  This event was his brainchild and passion.  I still remember when he was talking about getting this event started something like 6 months ago!  Of anyone involved, Steven put in by far the most work; not only did he organize the event *and* still manage to be one of the opening speakers, but he also had to put up with me as a co-presenter (something anyone can tell you is a trying experience).

American Crew Forming Cream and La Coupe For Men Stretch:   You gave my hair the exact form, lift and sheen necessary to drive the audience wild!  I couldn't have done it without you.

The rest of the EDMUG crew: From stuffing swag bags to lunch bookings to the wireless routers that gave everyone free internet while we were there, Donald and Steven Yang did a great job supporting Steven and his Code Camp dream.  Heck, the swag stuffing almost qualified as a special Code Camp event in itself!

That place in Westmount Mall that custom-made my "~!" green presentation shirt: I think this speaks for itself.

Jason Hunt:  I had to single Jason out, becuase the guy not only came *early* to EDMUG, but then ended up helping us set up the Edmonton room *and* recording some of the presentations.  Thanks very much again for this Jason!

ISS Oh-Yeah! Peanut Butter and Strawberry Protein Bars:  Thanks to my managing to completely miss our own catered lunch, this meal replacement bar full of peanuts, peanut butter, whey/casein protein, and strawberries was half responsible for basically getting me through my day.  I didn't get a chance to plug this during my interview with John Bristowe, so I'm doing it now!

Edmonton Code Camp 2006 - Brought to you by ISS Oh Yeah! protein bars

The presenters: Thank you all for coming and presenting so well on such a great variety of topics.  I can say definitively that in almost every case I was torn as to which presentation to go to (with the exception of JP Boodhoo against *no one* in the other room).  I'm sure many other people had that problem as well, but as I have said before, that's a pretty wicked problem to have!  And thanks especially to our out of town presenters John Bristowe, James Kovacs, JP Boodhoo, and Daniel Carbajal!

Chef Jay's Tri-O-Plex Protein Cookies:  This was the other half that got me through the day without collapsing from starvation!!  Trust me, if you have never tried these things you owe it to yourself to find a pack to buy.  All of the great taste of chocolate chip cookies but with the proetin necessary to turn you into 673 lbs of ripped muscle~!

All of you who attended:  Whether you drove in from Calgary or lived in Edmonton, we were grateful to see so many familiar and unfamiliar faces at Edmonton Code Camp this year.  We are pretty much nothing without the support and enthusiasm of the local/provincial development community and it meant a great deal to us to see how passionate that community is!!  Edmonton, you made a great showing for yourselves on Saturday!   Especially...

Anand Narayan: Everyone's favorite bundle of charisma is finally taking his turn in the spotlight.  Anand had a *stunning* interview with John Bristowe that will no doubt be the most downloaded video on YouTube once released.  If you ever wanted to know what lurks in the heart of this beast of a man, his dreams, his darkest desires, I suggest that you watch it once it comes out.  Truly moving and defining.

My wife:  Unlike Rockarts and the rest of EDMUG, who only have to put up with me on occasion, my wife actually puts up with me *every day* for several hours at a time!  It is entirely thanks to her this post is not titled "How Ruby Destroyed My Marriage"! 

Once again, this was a phenomenal event; truly one of the biggest development gatherings to hit Edmonton in some time, and that's because Edmonton has some of the best and most passionate developers around.  Thank you all and we hope to see you again soon!

 

Before the presentation, John Bristowe told Donald and myself not to come to this presentation because it sucked.  How could I pass this up? 

I am in and out of this sucker pretty much every 5 minutes, so good luck getting me to follow along here!  ;)  For those of you who want a quick summary, I can share several quotes from John in this presentation:

"The web sucks." - John Bristowe
"Javascript sucks" - John Bristowe
"HTML sucks"
"The security model requirements suck."
"I suck"* - John Bristowe

Off to the washroom to find something to blow my nose with.  All full.   ARRRGH.

Upstairs washroom.  Why did *everyone on the planet* choose this point to relieve themselves?  BROTHA NEEDS SOME KLEENEX

I am back and John has started early.  Luckily, he seems to have calmed down from his beer bottle fight with the Igloo Coder 20 minutes ago.

Shirt rating - *.  John is not wearing a shirt; not in the Steven Rockarts "I have Ruby painted on my chest, come and see" way but more along the lines of the "It's cold in here so I am wearing 17 layers" way.  Just doesn't grab the eye!!  And I think, as a fashion magnate, that you need something that grabs the audience when you're presenting on someting as dynamic as live.com!

John is displaying Javascript he has written.  At *LAST* - after so many different Microsoft-themed AJAXy presentations, *someone* aside from Kyle Baley has actually dived into the DOM and Javascript!!  Perfect!!

"We've been making a lot of stuff that *looks* like namespaces, types and classes that we know and love in .NET; but they are *not*."

John gives the two other names for ASP.NET Atlas, both of which were pretty much the standard "Let's make a name that is made up of 35 different words".

"This is a normal page with the normal sort of syntax, braces, and various squigglies."  VARIOUS SQUIGGLIES JOHN!??!

Development tips for Live Gadgets:
1) Stop caching pages
2) Enable Script Debugging (admittedly, if you're doing ASP.NET development, you've probably already done this).
2a)  My nose is about to explode all over this table.  I'm just trying to...DAMN IT

I have returned to see that John has displayed a post-it note to himself to bug me about living in Edmonton vs. living in God's country.  Perfect timing.  I actually have a post-it note on my own widgets folder reminding me to tell him that Macintosh ripped this off from Konfabulator first.  ;)

I then ask John what the "Snack" widget is and we are witness to an animated gif of an apple being eaten.  For the first time in my conference history, I regret asking a question.  But don't worry!!  There is *also* a widget that shows you cats pooping in toilets!!  Somehow I know where Donald will be spending a great deal of his time...

Cannot use WPF to build gadgets.  John *hates* Javascript as a development platform!!  Man, why does everybody dog on this language?  I almost need to do my own presentation: "Javascript: Why it really doesn't suck as much as you think."

WHOA LOOK OUT THE JACKET IS OFF!!! And it's...plain gray.  John, buddy!!  Where is the flash?  Where is the panache?

Can you tell John is primarily a Windows guy? ;)

Nice!  John goes through the steps of the XMLHttpRequest object.  A lot of people try to either gloss over this or avoid it entirely.  Even if I'm already familiar with it, I really appreciate it when presenters on AJAX, etc. actually delve into Javascript and the DOM! 

The basic structure of the Windows Gadgets etc. is basically AJAX js/HTML. 

Gadgets must be zip-encoded and end in a .gadget extension.

Bonus:  Microsoft does actually make the API accessible for enterprising devs who want to write their own tools!!

John:  99% of your time making a gadget is making the UI nice.  1% is spent wiring things up!

ARRRGH MY NOSE PLEASE MAKE IT STOP

Whew, I am back just in time for John's "I hate Javascript" count to hit 20 or so.  ;) 

XAML apps in the sidebar sound nice - unfortunately it doesn't sound like it'll be available, mostly because they weren't sure that the .NET Framework 3.0 would be available for everyone.

Ah, the truth comes out.  John hates Javascript because John hates dynamic languages, and those we can assume that *John hates himself*.  John, my friend, is *this* why you missed Rockarts and my presentation?  Because of your self-loathing!?!  Open your mind, John!   Is it the roids, John?   All the extra testorone clouding your vision? 

That's it, John.

Now, I am inspired.

John Bristowe, my friend, my new quest is to convert you to the glory of dynamic languages and through this lead you to self-healing!  As God is my witness, you'll never hate js again!!!

* at Xbox

I have had a bit of a cold this week and thus if this presentation recap seems a bit loopy, bear with me!!  Whew.

We start with more theatrics around the projector.  Donald Belcham is in tears and on the ground.  Once again, John Bristowe to the rescue with a soothing hug and a couple of slaps across the face to get Donald together.   Whew!! 

Shirt review:  -*****  Donald with the "old standard" of the plaid deco shirt.  If it weren't for the bar being set so high by the amazing TILDE~! shirt of *doom* and Curtis Schofield's tribute to disco, this might have got a higher rating, but as for right now I can only give what is fair!

Projector is up!  John Bristowe saves the day by *looking* at Donald's laptop in a dramatic fashion, *intimidating* it into performance!

Donald: UI for MSMQ is a tad lacking.

Whoa!!  Donald is using the Microsoft Orgasmatron Fifteen Other Names 3000XL mouse*!  Nice zoom features. 

"Hopefully Microsoft will one day bring the API into the MSMQ library".  Bristowe looks angered.  Donald cringes in response.  Is it going to be smackdown city???

OOOOH - *Hungarian notiation* control names?  Donald, buddy!  Get with the *TIMES*!!  Ouch.  Just because that plaid shirt is a 70s throwback doesn't mean your code standards have to be!  (And you do, sincerely, have an *awesome* set of code standard links!)

Bristowe raises an eyebrow and beats his chest. Audience is torn between John and Donald for paying attention.  I'm a little distracted myself.

Donald drops straight into the message data to show the serialized XML inside the queue. 

Bristowe stands up and walks over, looking menacingly in Donald's way before dropping to one knee and flexing a bicep right in front of Donald's face.  This Bristowe guy - what an attention hog!  

You can put an ActiveX control into MSMQ??  WTF? 

John Bristowe: "That's primarily for queue components, a feature that no one uses anyway."  Donald snarls as Bristowe leaps up on top of the chair, gives Donald the double bird and then pours cans of Coca-Cola on himself!!  This place is going *NUTS*!  Although Bristowe has the height and reach and...well, *every* advantage on Donald, I still would wager on Donald in the fight...that cat is a *dirty* fighter, from what I've seen.  Admittedly Donald has only demonstated his UFC prowess against children in the playground but I still think he has a chance with regular adults.

Audience Q: "Do you always need to peek?"*
Donald: "Only if she isn't returning your phone calls!!  It's my right for paying for that dinner..." followed by trailing off, awkward staring into space, and *again* with the tears.  Holy cow, Donald has to be the biggest emotional wreck I've ever seen on stage.  Bristowe, covered in Coca Cola, maniacally laughs in the background.  Duelling chants for Donald *and* John.  What the heck is going on here?  I feel like I'm in crazytown!!

Donald: do *NOT* use MSMQ as any kind of data repository. 

Audience Q: "What makes MSMQ useful?"
- MSMQ can throttle itself if you are getting slammed with a serious throughput of data.  It can give your server time to breathe as potentially compared to a DB.  The customization options in terms of how many different messages can come through at a time are nice options.  Because you're only changing things through an MMC snap-in, it's very easy to do.
As well, Donald was writing to a system that didn't have the same availability as his own company (5 days, 12 hours a day).  Messages were sent to the queue and the system was usable even when the DB was unavailable.  Triggers would be enabled only when the DB was available.

(An aside: I've actually used MSMQ tied in with Biztalk previously and I find it to be awesome for some of the situations that Donald describes here, even though my experience with MSMQ is a little bit naive.)

DB: Very few properties that are useful on the MSMQManagementClass.  QueueType is about the only one that is even notable; everything else seems to be set in the constructor.

This seems to get Donald a bit upset as his upper lip is trembling...now he obviously is pretty frustrated judging from the rocking in the chair and the sobbing deal.  Who would've known this man is *so passionate* about the MSMQManagementClass? 

Donald gets up on the ground, takes 2 minutes to self-compose and goes on.

Audience Q: "What does the transactional status do?"
Just tells whether the queue is transactional or not.

"If you send a message to a transactional queue, it may not show up." 
WTF? 
"Didn't really sell me on transactional queues." 
No doubt! 
"Seriously, do you bastards *@#&#@ing HEAR ME!!!  I HATE THE TRANSACTIONS AND I HATE MY LIFE"
Uh...yeah.  Man, I am loving this code camp but we have certainly had our share of awkward moments!

We hear clapping in the other room and it's only 2:00 PM!!  Was that an early ending or did someone force Rockarts to get his shirt back on?

"Any limitations on queue size?" - Based entirely on hard disk space.

Donald actually threw half a *million* messages in the queue with no problems.  Now he puts 10000 messages in the queue - about 7 seconds!  19 s for 10000 messages, although those messages were pretty small.

"These are small messages, though; if you're looking to throw 10,000 copies of Justice's perm in there you'll definitely kill the queue."  Uhm, maybe because my old perm was too hot for any sort of technical contrivance.

Throwing an exception up to the trigger mechanisms will kill your trigger service.  Donald: throwing exceptions up to your COM component/trigger service will likely kill your trigger service and force a restart.

Donald admits to writing his *own* bitconverter even though Microsoft had that bult in the framework.  Donald: "I just made someone at Microsoft redundant".  Now it's *Bristowe's* turn to cry!!  The tables have turned!!  Seriously, what is with all the emotion in this room today? 

Donald: don't debug a queue that is actively receiving a ton of messages; this is similar to the situation you end up in ASP.NET if you end up debugging while someone else is trying to access your server at the same time.

Bristowe is still on the floor pounding the ground in frustration.
 
"How will Vista and WCF change MSMQ?"
Donald: "Ask the guy back there.  HUH JOHN!?!?  WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY NOW??!" as he throws his laptop over on the ground. 

Bristowe: "WCF for queueing and transaction flow supports a wide variety of WS-* specifications.  We also support MSMQ mime-type so you can send SOAP messages to an MSMQ - it's in Indigo."

Donald:  "Indigo, John?"

Bristowe:  "That's it, Belcham, your @$$ IS MINE!!!"  Buddy, *watch* my hair when you're throwing the chairs here!!  WTF!  
 
Actually, although you'd wonder from all of the violence; Donald's presentation was very good, especially for someone who is a little more naive with MSMQ like myself; you know this must be grave when I'm using the words "awesome" and "Donald" in the same sentence!  But he makes this stuff look incredibly easy!  Oops, Donald just broke a bottle over Bristowe so I am getting out of here before this all falls apart!
 

 

Before I even *start* talking about the Rails group and the presentation, I feel the pressing need to discuss the incredible shirt of Curtis Schofield.  Beyond James Kovacs...beyond Kyle Baley's ruggedized style...*this* is the sort of thing that more developers need to have the *courage* to wear!!  If anything, it definitely does point out that this Rails stuff is all about *style*.  I would note that James Kovacs is in this room and looking *MIGHTY JEALOUS*. 

I have to say this had to be the most courageous presentation ever.  Not only did these guys pull stuff together in a *very* short time-frame, but then the projector did not seem to work with the Macs for whatever reason.  Kind of funny considering how awesome the Mac normally works with most displays and presentations.

James Kovacs update: keeps looking at Curtis and waving a fist?  Is that some sort of gang symbol? 

Anyway, despite this nearly turning into an ad-hoc Donald and Justice presentation for a brief point in time, the Rails guys pulled together admirably - installed Rails on a windows laptop and then basically winged the *entirety* of the presentation.  Thanks very much to Donald for loaning his laptop for the use of the presentation?

I kind of wish James would quit talking about how "I'm going to kick Curtis Schofield's honky ass for wearing *MY* shirt" so loudly...I'm trying to concentrate man!!

While a tiny bit of this built off of the previous Ruby presentation, the Rails guys really made it their own and considering *nothing* was working as planned this was one *HELL* of an improvisation.  Although holy cow guys, we need some bigger fonts!!  ;)

James is now in tears and sobbing.  Man, I just don't get these Calgary guys.  John doesn't look too thrilled about having to hold him either.  Oh well, James works pretty hard - the strain was bound to crack him soon.

Back to the presentation: this didn't admittedly look *quite* as simple as I was expecting but that's more due to the Rails guys having to use Windows instead of their native Mac stuff.  I really like the simplicity of Rails but I definitely need to explore it in greater detail.

Discussion of IDEs: this is maybe the main thing holding Rails back; no formal IDE.  RadRails for Eclipse, Sapphire Steel for VS.NET, and the unfortunately named RideME. 

Overall, this effort was *seriously* heroic!!!  I have seen presenters before who *crumble* when things go wrong, and these guys did not at *all*.  Definitely something I want to see more of.

Edmonton Code Camp is getting off to a great start, it looks like.  102 people!!  How crazy is that?? 

In case you were hoping for a detailed evaluation, I should warn you that I don't know how much I'll be able to talk about the presentation; I am admittedly *stunned* by the *incredible* good looks of the first presenter.   I didn't quite catch his name - Justin Gree?  Justos Ray?  Let me tell you, I'm a *firmly* heterosexual male but the appearance of *this* young thoroughbred no doubt has *many* in the room questioning their sexuality!!!  What biceps!

And that *shirt*!!  A TILDE~!  Truly whomever this mysterious young man is, he is a *paragon* of style!  

Getting to the actual content; phenomenal.

- A comparison of Steven Rockarts' favorite fantasy objects that I hope gets posted to this man's blog at some point!
- Steve keeps staring at the presenter's @$$ while he is standing there.  A little weird for being up in front of everyone - you'd think he'd be watching the presentation, but fine!
- A comparison of Steve in normal gear vs. 80s gear!!
- Steven seems to have some trouble concentrating...keeps licking his lips at the presenter.  Jistoss seems to be brushing it off but I can't help feeling a little weird witnessing it.
- Finally, some code!
- Steven has taken off his shirt while Justoss goes on about TDD in Ruby.  I didn't think it was that hot in here but everyone has their temperature threshold.  I guess he must be going through some sort of pre-presentation ritual here, because I can't figure out why he keeps licking his finger and touching his nipple.
- Nice stuff here about attribute shorthand and a whole bunch of time-savers.  Hope this guy posts his screencasts to his blog.
- Where are Steven's hands?  I'm beginning to think I'm going to take off pretty soon if this keeps up.
- Wonderful finish as he spams Donald Belcham's blog using WATIR!!  Hopefully that code gets released!! 
-  It is thankfully Steven's turn.  I say thankfully because as a result he's stopping licking his bicep and winking at Mr. Gree, as well at PUTTING HIS SHIRT BACK ON.  Yeesh!!
-  Steven gives away prizes, and Justas or whatever his name is nearly *kills* somebody throwing it in the dark!!  Don't mess with that guy!  Has he been working out?  He looks *terribly* fit.
- Steven shows off RubyCLR interop with forms development.  Huge stuff here as well, thankfully with minimal "MMMMMMMMMMMMMs" and "YEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" but I would be fine with more awkward sounds if HE WOULD JUST PUT HIS PANTS BACK ON. 
- Session is over, with Rockarts and Gray answering questions.  People who have read this blog regularly know that I occasionally exaggerate - but this was probably the single most LIFE-CHANGING EVENT ever. 

Wow.  Sincerely, I feel like a better developer, and more importantly, a better *person* for attending.  I heard some rumors in the crowd that this Jasstass guy is actually married...thanfully that means my marriage is not in trouble..my wife is faithful but I think she might choose this guy over me, and not just for the tilde-laden shirt.  Uh oh...but it sounds like his relationship is in trouble because of his amazing presentation!!  Apparently Ruby is his mistress...but I guess I can see that.  Someone told me that guy prefers Asians, and Ruby *is* Japanese in origin.  Ah, I just heard him say that his wife is ridiculously hot.  Even better looking than himself, in fact!

In conclusion, I have to say damn that man for being so dedicated to his craft and his wife, the two mistresses with which us mere mortals can never hope to compete.  And a note to Steven - when you asked if the audience would like to see you pour oil on yourself in your underwear, the answer was a resounding *NO*.  Don't ignore your audience next time!!!

So many, many things have happened in the past week.  Jwerx and Anand finally posted in response to my "8 things about Justice" post.  Donald had a hot date!  Jason Row became North America's *second* favorite metrosexual developer despite not sharing even 1 thing about himself (let alone 8) given his penchant for being dark and mysterious.  Thailand's government got taken over, the Pope managed to anger some people, and D'Arcy angered even more people by buying a Mac (and then destroying it within the space of 2 days).  But *all* of these things combined pale in comparison to the announcement I'm about to make.  Now, this blog has been host to bombshell announcements before, but none that deserved *time travel into the past*.   Okay, maybe that one protein smoothie recipe, but lets be real about its impact; only 99% of the North American development community was *really* impacted there.  This, without exaggeration, directly affects 110% of the Western Hemisphere.

Edward Wu cannot make Edmonton Code Camp 2006 - his reasons had something to do with strapping on some spandex leotards and fighting crime, pretty much the standard cancellation reason.  Considering his picture on the Code Camp site I think this is actually a good thing. As progressive as our Albertan audience is, I don't believe that they are ready to handle a man with *NO FACE*.


My concerns for the well-being of our attendees aside, Ed's non-attendance (I call him "Ed"...we're tight like that) is not the big announcement.  This is bigger than that, and it's *certainly* bigger than Ed's desire to be a super-hero.  I mean, Rockarts dresses up in costume every time we have an exec meeting and although it was a little weird for us at first, we've all pretty much gotten used to it.

No, this announcement is about the *replacement* presentation for Code Camp from 10:45 AM to 12:15 PM.

This announcement is about *heroes*.

Yes, the rumors are true.  In the greatest show of togetherness since the collapse of the Berlin Wall, the Edmonton on Rails group will be joining us to present on (obviously) RAILS~!  It isn't just the presentation on Rails that should have you drooling and gibbering like a lobotomized baboon.  It's the unbridled *ARTSINESS*.   This presentation is going to have manbags*, fashionable glasses, and *MACBOOK PROS* everywhere!!  

This is an even bigger benefit to those of you who are attending the morning session hosted by Steven and I.  Yes, *you* have the possibility of attending a morning devoted to Ruby and Rails.   It all starts at 9 AM with an intro to Ruby and follows with some amazement with Ruby interop/RubyCLR!!  You'll laugh me out of the conference center, then you'll cheer and cry as Steven apologizes for my conduct and the police escort me out of the building!  Immediately after that, you'll *thrill* to the unchained sexiness of Macbooks ablazing when Greg Andrews, Kyle Fox and Curtis Schofield (the Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman** of the Edmonton on Rails group) hit the stage and show you exactly *why* Ruby is so popular!  Trust me: by the end of the morning, your mind is going to be shattered into millions of tiny crystalline shards.


I recognize this creates a huge problem for the majority of our Code Camp attendees, as now the choice of which session to attend is pretty much impossible.  The sassy, scholary Jason Hunt will be presenting on transactions in .NET 2.0 opposite the Rails guys.  It's the classic "Sliding Doors" scenario!  One session will lead to you dying your hair blonde, chopping your hair off, and falling for some quirky English guy, leading a terrifyingly exciting life only to be hit by a car and die; the other will leave you pregnant with an abusive boyfriend but eventually bring you to a greater self-realization and most importantly *leave you alive*.  Either one, however, will bring you immense joy and personal satisfaction.  I don't know which one I'd pick either, but what a problem to have!!

This has been long enough already so I am going to end it by saying if you are not already registered for Code Camp, you had *BETTER* get registered for Code Camp.  It is *this Saturday* and if you can't tell from the tone of this post, it is going to be TOTAL MANIA at the Stanley Milner Library!  If you don't come, I will have to take it upon myself to personally hunt you down like a dog.  That goes for *everyone* on the Internet!!!  This is that big!!  Just look at all the exclamations!!!

(Thanks to Anand for the question: if you are registered for Edward Wu's presentation, you're *already* registered for the Rails presentation!  No need to change.)

When I started my blog lo those many months ago, I had vowed to myself that I would *never* make a post describing a dream that I had.  After all, every blog author thinks that their dream is *far* more exciting and interesting to others than it actually is!  However, the combination of:

• D'Arcy and Donald posting about their Street Fighter restaurant/Brokeback Elephant Herding dreams, respectively
• my dream being about Edmonton Code Camp
• my having absolutely *no* understanding of what this dream meant, even a week and a half later

inspired me to share this story with you.

We start inside of the Edmonton Public Library.  There are something like 300 people at this place, all of them raring to go talk about code.  John Coltrane is playing in the background as I chat it up with several developers about a variety of deep, insightful topics like who the greatest Piranacon was and whether Fight Club's characters are really a grown-up Calvin and Hobbes.  All of a sudden, I hear a bell ringing and I realize that not only has Code Camp started, but I am *late* for my presentation with Steven Rockarts!!  "Giant Steps" by Coltrane plays over the loudspeaker as I race down the hall, shoving people aside.  One person gets pushed into the wall and *explodes*, with blood and guts flying everywhere!  I finally get to the door of the Code Camp meeting room, but it is locked solid, though I can hear Donald talking.  There is a window on the door the size of my head...can I get through?  I back up, and then charge at the door, aiming at the tiny square of glass in front of me.  I manage to violate several laws of physics as I dive through and glass flies everywhere inside the convention room.  I am bloodied and on the ground but I am still able to talk.  Donald is up at the podium talking; I turn and shout to him, "Hey, I'm here, buddy!  I'm ready for my presentation!"


Donald looks at me for a brief instant.   Then into the mic he says, "Uh...yeah, whatever." and then turns back to the crowd, *ignoring* me!  The crowd laughs.  Obviously I'm a little peeved at there being no mention of my spectacular entrance, so I pick up a giant metal folding chair and throw it straight at Donald's head.  My aim is true!  As it collides there is a large clanging noise (I guess Donald has a steel plate in his cranium) and Donald crumples to the ground.  

The assembled crowd of at least 150 people stands up out of their seats and *cheers wildly*!!  I soak up the cheers, wipe some of the blood from my eyes and then proceed to the microphone, stepping over Donald's unconscious body.  Just as I am about to speak, I wake up...refreshed, rejuvenated like never before!

So, what is the lesson I've learned from this dream*?  Obviously, Code Camp is going to be like "Passenger 57" with myself as the white Wesley Snipes.  Flying metal folding chairs!!  Shattered glass and shattered dreams!!  A Ruby presentation being given by a presenter soaked in his own blood!!!  And this was just the first *5 MINUTES*!!!  If you want thrills, chills, and some blood spills, Edmonton Code Camp is where you need to be.  If it is even half as action-packed as this dream, I think you attendees are in for a serious treat on September 30th!!!  Sign up now before you miss the event of a *lifetime*.



  

When talking about the August 24th meeting of the Edmonton .NET User Group (please note it is in the Edmonton room this time), I am going to forego my usual tradition of excessive hype and ridiculous Photoshopping.  Instead I want to tell you, the reader, a story.  

A story about *life*!

A story about a man.

A story about a man - with no life!

An uncommon man.  A man who stood as a drunken beacon of light in a sea of darkness.  A man, dare I say it, with a *dream*.  And when his dream grabbed hold of him, grabbed him by the testes, and beat him over the head with a broken beer bottle, the man started *listening* to his dream.  It wasn't the booze talking this time, no.  This time, he said to himself, things were going to be *different*.    He was going to get off the street, get out of that rumpled dress, and into a new life.

His friends laughed at him.  So did his parents - but they always had, so he ignored them.  For when you have a dream and you know that your dream is right, it doesn't matter that your parents are putting out full-page ads in the paper saying, "My son is crazy, please take him away and make him put on pants."   He was going to prove them *wrong*.

And he *did*.

Others watched as this man grew from just an ordinary yahoo to a respected visionary.  He built a team around him full of impressionable, bright-eyed, strapping young men with no concerns as to the repeated questions of his sexuality.  And he *succeeded* in his dream - he made the community...no, no, the *universe* around him a better place.  

Sure I made fun of him; heck, I still make fun of him - but I have to admit, after watching the man in action, I went from grudging respect to admiration.  And his group - probably the raddest group of 5 men ever assembled, and that includes the Beatles and the New Kids on the Block.  But this wasn't a story about that team and the adventures they shared; this was about the man that *brought them all together*.  The man, who I am happy to say, is finally stepping into the spotlight to get the recognition he deserves.

So even if you haven't respected him in the past (and who can blame you?), even if you've made fun of him at times, it is time for us to give our appreciation to the man who I've been talking about for this whole post...

KEITH KOGANE, the leader of the VOLTRON FORCE!!!


Seriously, I always used to make fun of Voltron back in the day, being an unabashed Transformers fan.  Let's get this out of the way: Transformers is pretty much cooler than *anything*, especially some cliched rip-off that only involves 5 robots that aren't even *sentient*.  I'm pretty sure even *Bumblebee* could kick Voltron's ass in a fight.  But I had to give Keith Kogane some respect; you've got to be pretty darn brave to wander off into battle with only some cheap plastic knock-off lions and a monstrous mullet as your primary weapons.

In time, I grew to appreciate Voltron for what it was - a bloody and violent Japanese anime filled with death but *also* transforming robotic lions.  I'll admit it; transforming robot lions, even if they are cheap ripoffs of the real thing, are wicked cool - after all, I own several.  Like my grandfather always used to tell me when I was growing up, "The only thing cooler than transforming robot lions are transforming robot zombie lions."  But where do you find any of those, right?

And finally, how can you *not* respect a guy that can coordinate a 50 foot combining robot's breakdance moves?


There was something else I was going to talk about in this post but for the life of me I can't remember what it was.  Oh, *RIGHT*!!  Code generation at EDMUG from the white Georges LaRoque himself, Donald Belcham, on August 24th.  It should be awesome, if only because yours truly is the MC of the evening!  All this talk about Voltron and I nearly forgot about it entirely.  But you can't really mix Donald and Voltron in the same post, anyway.

I proposed a series of posters for Edmonton Code Camp 2006 a couple of months ago.  Unfortunately, they were discarded because of a supposedly "mixed message" and because Donald wanted to design his own poster for Code Camp.  However, since both of my initial designs and Donald's final draft were eventually rejected, I thought I would share them here.  I'm particularly surprised Donald's didn't make the cut, considering that he spent a couple of weeks working on it.

It meant I had to put up with Donald going through the Urban Dictionary of Slang to make jokes at my expense; however, I wanted to wait until my proper biography and picture were available on the site before I ripped the lid off of this, one of the most earth-shattering, appendix-inflaming announcements of all time.  The rumors are true - Steven Rockarts* and I will be teaming up on Sept 30, 2006 at Edmonton Code Camp, thus forming the greatest partnership since George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley.  What are we calling this team?  The Sexy Tigers?  The Rampaging Sex Panthers?  At this point, the only things I can reveal to you about our presentation are that it will be Ruby-related (~!!!) and it will be
LIQUID
EXCITEMENT**.  

In the event you're wondering what to expect from me as a presenter, I have found two audio clips from previous presentations of mine.  The first is from a previous talk I gave about Ruby, and the second is from the beginning of my presentation on "How To Win Over A Tough Audience" for Ken McConnell's Vulcan, Alberta user group.

Although September is going to be a busy month for the Edmonton development community (more on that later), I cannot encourage you enough to come out to Edmonton Code Camp.  Whether it is from exploring Ruby's dank crevices or the opportunity to see me potentially crash and burn in front of our largest audience to date, you are *definitely* going to get your money's worth*** from our presentation alone!  And forget about Rockarts and I for a second; the amount of actual talent that's lined up for this sucker is staggering.  Just take a look at the other guys that are presenting at Edmonton Code Camp this year. Talk about an all-star cast, and it's all *free* - this is like LiveAid for developers!!  As long as we can avoid Donald belting out "Do They Know It's Christmas" yet again over the mic, this will pretty much be one of the greatest development events of all time.

* Rockarts' picture on the Edmonton Code Camp site indicates why this partnership was meant to be.  It looks like secretgeek has a brand new picture to add to his list of pouty artist types who contribute to Ruby's betterment!
**  I have to admit that "The Rampaging Sex Panthers present RUBY~!" has a great ring to it.  
*** yes, I know the event is free, smart-@$$

You wet yourself listening to Jean-Paul Boodhoo in April.

Your pelvis was blown off by Rod Paddock in May.

And now in June…heck, I don't even know WHAT to say! What is the next level beyond total genital obliteration? Seriously, I have no idea whatsoever but that nebulous near-nirvana is coming to the Edmonton .NET User Group this June.

Jean-Luc David *and* James Kovacs are both coming down to Edmonton the last week of June, at which point my world and yours will explode in a near-orgasmic kaleidoscope of…well, something but it will be explosive. *Trust me*. You thought the riots for the Oilers were something? The bedlam caused by these two being in Edmonton during the SAME WEEK are going to make the riots look like a party at the Igloo Coder's house**.

Jean-Luc David will be at EDMUG on Tuesday, June 27th, attempting to give the greatest presentation on ATLAS/AJAX of all time with his 300 level talk. For those who don't know what a "300 level" means, it stands for the number of times you are going to squeal out loud in glee during this presentation***!!!  The Igloo Coder himself says, "Having seen Jean-Luc's voracious appetite for Montreal Smoked Meat Sandwiches, I can only imagine his passion for this topic."  Sure, that sentence makes aboslutely no sense to anyone who speaks functional English, but I think the point is that Jean-Luc will rock you down to your very core****!

But the girlish giggling does not stop there, oh no! Normally we at EDMUG give you a full month to recover from the previous month's carnage, but NOT THIS TIME CHARLIE !! I hope you have enough stamina left over for Thursday, June 29th, when James Kovacs and his well ironed shirt come down to Edmonton. Will he bite the head off a live chicken like he did at Calgary Code Camp*****, or will he talk about Enterprise Architecture, or will he do BOTH~? I have witnessed James in action and need to warn you that missing him speak is akin to missing your dental appointment ten years in a row – all you have left after missing it is tremendous pain, tooth decay, and memories of what could have been.

Seriously, this used to be a Hall and Oates album cover

Like the rock meeting the hard place, who will survive the most cataclysmic conflagration of modern times? Who will have the most dapper-looking style of dress? Who has the bigger triceps muscles?  Will you ever find your one true love? What sort of facial exfoliator is the best value for your money?! The only way you'll be able to find out the answers to these questions is to come to both presentations the last week of June!!
Jean-Luc David!
James Kovacs!!
TOTAL ANARCHY!!!
JUNE!!!
ARRRR!!

* I'm a little bit disturbed by James Kovacs resemblance to Randy "Macho Man" Savage - even after the edits it doesn't look all that different.
** Hint: not riotous in the slighest
*** It might mean something else, but I know you only care about the squealing, you dirty pervert!
**** Um, like a Montreal Smoked Meat Sandwich?  Seriously, I don't know what the heck he was trying to say!!!
***** Unfounded rumor.
****** Heck, I'm even setting records for number of annotations in this post!!  You know it's going to be the greatest month ever!

3/5ths of the EDMUG crew (Rockarts, IglooCoder, and myself) along with the ever tenacious Tech Embassy are down in Calgary for yet another wacky semi-orgasmic adventure.  Don is not the only guy who gets to show off when he goes to conferences, baby!  For those of the non-technical who come visit this blog, consider this a look at how the other half lives...the *sexy* half!

LINQ (Daniel Carbajal)
- A Sony Vaio laptop breaks the streak of ridiculous "pimp my laptop" setups I've seen in the last several presentations.  Although I think Darcy's "hold my dongle" laptop would be a good candidate for an actual episode of that show...
- I can tell Daniel is excited since he is constantly using a closed fist when speaking!!  And even at times...the *double* closed fist~!!!
- LINQ is an interesting hybrid of standard SQL operations and actual .NET code.  I like it a lot simply because I think it brings two distinct worlds closer together. (expand on opinion in later post)
- Queries are executed in foreach statements if directly thrown in vs. if the query goes through a data type change prior to the foreach.
- No real data definition for the query except for "var"?
- Grouping of values by a particular key is interesting.
- These chairs are seriously going to wreck my back by the end of the day!!
- LINQ examples:  "Anders had to pay $500 to get these examples"  - *huh*??
- Showing LINQ examples - this is definitely powerful stuff; it's a shame I have to wait until 2007 to use in a prod environment...
- This shirt looks awesome on me - it's a shame you all have to miss it.  It's almost burning up the room!
- Comparison between data access today and with LINQ - queries and query syntax used to access data is actually checked at compile time.  Collections *and* results are strongly-typed.
- application uses a linq query, recieved by ADO.NET which generates a SQL query for the results.
- EVERYTHING YOU KNOW WILL CHANGE! (according to Dan)
- The loaded question - will this work with Oracle?  Yes - every database that has ADO.NET provider support with work with it.
- No, I mean it - I will be lucky if I'm not in a wheelchair by the end of the day!  
- DLINQ will automatically manage change tracking for stored procs, etc.
- DLINQ relationship designer reminds me a lot of Biztalk's designers
- comment from the audience - very reminiscent of NHibernate; JP saves the day with, "They're trying to emulate it for certain, but the query interface is nicer"
- Lot of attribute usage in the mapping of code to db objects
- Impressive - in the debugger, the actual compiled SQL expression (that will be sent to SQL) is visible.
- The VB support in this seems to be the first instance I've seen where VB is well ahead of C# in terms of its support levels.  Inline XML and query definitions.
- Hammering.  Where is the hammering coming from?
- Daniel mistypes "WriteLine" as "WriteLie" and all of a sudden I have genius-level ideas going through my head.
- PLEASE STOP THE HAMMERING ARRRGH THE VOICES
- Holy cow.  XLinq is *way* easier than simply using the System.Xml library and rolling through the DOM.  Has the power of XPath/XQuery without the need to tinker in those APIs.  I think the example of creating a single XML element is a little bit too simplistic for this crowd though! =) 
- "Do you have any questions" followed by the sound of shattering glass.  Good effect!!
- THE VOICES ARE ANNNNGRRY

Mu summary of this presentation in poetry:

My shirt is hot
these chairs are not.  
But XLINQ I definitely like a lot.

Fin
 

Just a quick pointer for those of you who were curious - Jean-Paul Boodhoo has posted the code from his presentation at EDMUG last week.  Definitely take a look at it if you want to learn more about mock objects and TDD!

Matthew was correct - This was the greatest developer event to hit Edmonton since yours truly moved back into town from Vancouver.  

The good

Very well organized

First of all, The Igloo Coder, Steven Rockarts, and the rest of the EDMUG crew deserve a *huge* round of congratulations for a fantastic event.   I was able to supply directions to people from the EDMUG site and there was plenty of advance notice (as well as reminders).  Projectors and laptops were all set up and ready to go *well* in advance.  Quite refreshing and it made for a very smooth presentation.

Awesome turnout!
EDMUG is not the only group of people that deserves congrats - so does the Edmonton developer community!  We had a turnout of about 45 people to the event (including TechEmbassy and Jwerx), which is fabulous turnout for a first time!  And these were dedicated people - despite there being a hockey game at 7:30, many people stayed a little bit longer to hear the remainder of Jean-Paul Boodhoo's talk. 

Jean-Paul's laptop
Holy cow.  This beast was like something I would expect to see from a Fast and the Furious movie.  Bright yellow and seemingly made entirely out of die-cast metal, it was probably the second star of the show for me next to Jean-Paul.  Whether it was the sleek styling or its die-cast resemblance to a laptop Transformer.  I actually saw the Igloo Coder sobbing quietly in the corner after their two laptops were put side by side.  It's okay, man!    I'm sure your laptop has a nicer personality.

Jean-Paul's presentation
Jean-Paul's presentation was was incredibly valuable and humbling) for me to watch;
Matthew's comment about being "programming pwned" is quite apt.  I actually love presentations that remind me how little I actually know and how much more I have to learn.  

I've seen (and given!) presentations on TDD before that involved fairly simple examples, but Jean Paul's was a level beyond any presentation or tutorial I have seen.  Although all of the concepts and thoughts that JP provided were useful, I think I got the most benefit out of his lengthy discussion (with examples) of mock objects.   I haven't used mock objects myself but have been curious about them - this definitely got me motivated to start doing some explorations on my own.  

Jean-Paul also explored the concept of useful tests (I think I may have written *one* useful test over the course of my dev career ;) ) and also was great with answering some of my own questions (which I'll explore in later posts).

One thing that Jean-Paul did not cover was how to *get* buy-in from your management on TDD - which really wasn't why he was there anyway, so I can't blame him!  Would have been a nice addition, though (I'm not sure whether he's had to go through the experience of trying to convert a team, either, as I don't know his career history).

Dinner festivities

Sherlock Holmes is really a pub first, and restaurant second.  The food might have been average, but the company definitely wasn't, as we all got to sit around and talk shop for a while with JP, as well as swap awkward interviewing experiences.  I think the non-dev highlight of the night was when Michael ferociously beat some guy at the pub nearly to death* for sitting at our table uninvited.  Basically, this unwashed mass plunked imself down at our table and Michael would have none of it.  After some brief chit-chat, Michael yelled*, "IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE NEEDS THE RECTAL EXAM", got up from the table, kicked the guy straight in the unmentionables*, and then proceeded to power-bomb him straight through the table*!!!  After that, Michael sat down on top of the guy and proceeded to almost inhale two 40-oz rare steaks*.  It was truly a spectacle for the ages.  Seriously, you definitely *should* come to the after-party dinner & drink session - it's a great time to talk shop, and get to know some other developers, much less see what crazy stuff Michael will do next. 

The (lack of) bad:

- Other than no Anand (It might have been the wedding or his ferocious crack habit catching up with him), the meeting was awesome.  If this is any indication of the future of Edmonton's .NET community, it looks terribly promising!

I heard the great presentations will be continuing and there's even more ridiculous amounts of dev swag to be given away next month, so in the words of the immortal Billy Red Lyons, "Don't you dare miss it!"


* Metaphorically.

The Igloo Coder talked about it, Steven talked about it, Michael talked about it, and now I am warning you about it. If you’re like me, you’re tried of ridiculous hyperbole and over-the-top circus style hyping, so I’ll just cut to the chase.

I was told once by a very wise man that life is made of a series of snapshots – defining points of your life that determine your direction for years and years. For some people, it’s getting married – others think of a fateful job decision or move, while still others reflect on a lost love and wonder whether things could’ve been differently.

Let me then say with no exaggeration whatsoever that the inaugural meeting of the Edmonton .NET user group is not only one of those snapshots, but it is more important than that job choice, the woman or man you married, and that lost love combined.

Maybe the breaktaking picture above and my words thus far have failed to convince you. Maybe you figure that you don’t need to go. You might be right. Would your answer be “yes” to the following questions?

1) I love being a failure.
2) I love it when other people deride me for being a complete waste of space.
3) Same as #2, but substitute “my parents” for “other people”.
4) Same as #3, but substitute “random strangers” for “my parents”.
5) I would definitely be willing to shame my family and bring scorn and teasing upon 5 generations of my blood relations to come.
6) Being hunted down like a rabid animal sounds like a ton of fun.

Even if you didn’t want to come just to hear Jean-Paul Boodhoo talk about test driven development in .NET 2.0, you should come just for the experience of standing around so many hot developers. Seriously, speaking as a firmly heterosexual man, have you seen the executive board for this group? Get out the electric fans, ladies!

And that’s just the main board! When you take into account that both TechEmbassy and Anand Narayan are apparently going to be showing up here, you have enough heat to melt the Edmonton Public Library down!!  Burn baby burn, DISCO INFERNO~!!

Truly, miss this one and you might as well have married your mother and chopped off your testicles. Why spend your whole life living only to have missed the point of it all?

One final time:

Thursday, April 27th, downtown Edmonton Public Library (Centennial Room), 5:30 PM.
Jean Paul Boodhoo – test driven development – .NET 2.0 – nothing will EVER be the same!