I've been cleaning out my computer's hard drive and came across
some old stuff I thought I would share. Some background: I
was turning 25 and was determined to have quite possibly the
greatest party of all time. So, I made an amazing Flash presentation (not linked here) and then wrote more than 50 invitations,
all
of them personalized. It definitely worked; only 2 people were
unable to attend, and I even had people who were visiting from in town
who came to the party once they heard about it!! I doubt many
will be *that* interested in this glimpse, but hey, it's my blog!!
Attached is the text of the invite that I sent to Suresh:
To
the scandalous stallion that some call “Suresh”,
You thought you could run.
You thought you could hide!!
You thought you could cower under the table in abject
fear.
But after 25 years comes the event you thought you’d
NEVER SEE!
The greatest singular social spectacular in NORTH
AMERICAN HISTORY
An event so grandiose…that words cannot do it JUSTICE!!
(A HA HA HA HO HO HO…whew…*ahem*)
I know you can’t believe it,
Suresh. I can barely believe it
myself!! Like winning the lottery, like
being STRUCK BY LIGHTNING, like being EATEN ALIVE BY A RAMPAGING SEAL when
trying to cross 109th Street…some people are just lucky enough to be
that one person out of a million. Here,
without further adieu, is YOUR
OPPORTUNITY to hit that home run! To
grab that brass ring!! This is your invitation to a DATE WITH DESTINY!! The 25th birthday of Justice Adam
James Engel Gray is nigh upon us. Come
to the Armoury (10310 – 85th Avenue) anytime
after 9:30 PM on June
22nd to partake in the celebration. Show up before 10 PM and tell them you want your life to be forevermore
changed (or tell them you are there for my birthday) and get free cover and bypass any lines!! Be witness to a spectacle 25 years in the
making that may possibly include:
- My attempt at dancing!
- My attempt at drinking! (CONT
ON BACK)
- Your chance to slaughter a drunken man at pool!
- A random passerby powerbombed through a table!
- Repeatedly! *
- At least one good WHOOOOOOOOOO~!
- Gratuitous nudity! **
- Commemorative merchandise!
- Most importantly, witness a 25 year old man making his last desperate
drunken stand before being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the world
of the grown ups!
I can’t wait, Suresh. Imagine…finally, for the first time, you *AND* myself will drink… TOGETHER!!! The first time EVER!! The unstoppable force and the immovable
object. Suresh and Justice!!! For the first time ever, on June 22nd,
the MEGAPOWERS WILL COLLIDE!!! Yes, not since Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan
shook hands in the centre of the ring will two such tumultuous forces of nature
as you and I be drinking in the same place, at the same time!! Men cry, and
women faint at the mere thought of such a cataclysmic confrontation!! And on that day…IT! WILL! HAPPEN!!
Dreams will be realized, worlds will be rent asunder!
Can’t wait to see you there!
-Justice ([phone number removed], http://www.justicegray.com/birthday)
* dependent on availability of
spare tables @ the Armoury
** dependent on the amount of
alcohol I’ve imbibed by the time you get there
And yes, these invitations (or similar ones) went out to
*everyone*. Because if there is one thing that Justice knows,
it's how to throw a party (and if there are two things Justice knows,
the second would be how to dynamically refer to himself in the third
person).
Incidentally, the funniest part about this isn't the invitations or the
completely over-hyped nature of my birthday party (the second greatest
night ever next to my wedding to Helen), but the fact that Suresh
wasn't able to come because the girl he was dating at the time
wouldn't let him go since she was angry at him. Now
*that* is a hilarious memory!