Mark down August 7th as the day all of your prayers have been answered. 

1) Microsoft is piloting a brand new track at TechDays!
2) The track is about Developer Foundations, and yes, it *is* about what you are *hoping* it's about!!
3) Not only is Justice Gray involved, but he is the track co-chair!!!
3) The other track co-chair is adult industry legend, Peter Ritchie!!!!
4) And yes, you do need to put your pants in the laundry!!!!!

I have been so excited about this announcement that I ran around Vancouver all day yesterday randomly punching people in the face while I screamed "Developer Foundations" at the top of my lungs.  And trust me, after you attend our track you too will be punching people left and right.  In excitement. 

As if all of this wasn't overwhelming enough, you'll likely have an aneurysm once I reveal that

these are not regurgitated TechEd sessions - they are all-new original content being created by myself and Peter Ritchie, with input from the speakers involved! 

Not only that, but Peter and I have unprecedented leeway in determining the sessions themselves!!!  The tracks are going to be announced very shortly but I wanted you to be able to read this announcement without needing to call an ambulance.  Trust me when I tell you these sessions are going to be everything you have ever dreamed of!!!

This track is going to be piloted for TechDays this year at the following locations:
Vancouver - Sept 14-15
Toronto - Sept 29-30

Unlike the other tracks, this track will be 4 sessions and repeat for both days.  Microsoft, Peter, and I feel strongly enough about the content here that we want people to have an opportunity to attend as many of these sessions as possible.

This is really an unprecedented opportunity for the community - if these tracks are well-received there will be more foundational tracks at TechDays in the future, and in more cities.  Therefore, I am asking you to do me a favor - spread the word about this.  As one of the guys in charge of the track content, these tracks being well received is a foregone conclusion.  However we also want these tracks to be well-attended and that is where you come in!  If you care about having foundations represented at future TechDays, I beseech you to let people know about this stuff, particularly when the track content is announced!!!

If you doubt me now, I can tell you as one of the guys in charge of the content that it is going to be everything you ever dreamed of, whether you are a speaker or an attendee!

Thanks to Microsoft, John Oxley, John Bristowe, Joey deVilla and more for listening to the cries of thousands in adding this track, and listening to the cries of *millions* in involving me with its creation!   BTW, if you *are* interested in being a speaker at part of history in the making, give me a shout and we'll chat!

His blog says "software developer".  His crazed eyes and goatee say "deranged felon".  His devil-may-care grin and tousled hair say "1970s porn star"!  Peter Ritchie, my friends, is all this and more - and today he is also the 3rd of Justice Gray's "Winners At Life".  There are four major reasons why Peter Ritchie is featured today:

1) He publicly agreed with something that I said.   Did he agree because he came to the same conclusion independently?   Did he (far more likely) agree simply because he's a massive Justice Gray fan and would agree with anything I said on principle alone?  Does it matter?    The point is that:

a) Peter Ritchie cares about the software development industry
b) more importantly, Peter Ritchie cares about what Justice Gray thinks of him. 

That is a pretty good set of priorities right there!  Anyone can emulate that almost immediately and become a far better person for it.

2) He influenced the direction of Gray's Matter.  Over a year ago, Peter Ritchie complained on Twitter that "Wow, I left a comment on Justice Gray's blog and now I am getting E-mails asking about my genitalia" (E-mails not sent by me, I can assure you!), which forced me to re-evaluate whether the comments this blog had been receiving from a "Mr. Stiff" were *really* from a kind but unfortunately named man who just happened to mistype his family-friendly URL for a more questionable site.  I mulled this over for an entire *year* before switching to the spam-free engine you see today!  All for Peter Ritchie!

3) Just look at the guy.  

However, all three of these reasons pale in comparison to the *main* reason Peter Ritchie is the 4th entry in the "Winners At Life" series...

4)  I can't tell you why.

No, I can't tell you why.  Not yet.  As much as I want to let you know why Peter Ritchie deserves your adulation *almost* as much as yours truly, I am not at liberty to say.  But coincidentally,

• tomorrow is August 7th
• tomorrow will, as promised, be one of the most exciting (and shocking!) announcements in Gray's Matter history
• perhaps we can blow the lid off of two mysteries at once!!!!

Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion to both *this* Winners At Life entry, and the proclamation that some of you never thought you would hear! 

And no, it is not that I am eloping with Peter Ritchie*!! 


* We are merely blood brothers FOR LIFE

Previous entries in the Winners At Life series:
#01: 5x1llz
#02: Nate Kohari

That's right, two posts in only one night, because I am hardcore like that!

Some of you were no doubt worried that this series (or Metro Like Me, or What A Cage Fighter Does, etc., etc.) might have ended with merely an introduction each, given the radio silence of the last week.  Rest assured they are *all* continuing!  In fact, I thought about combining them all into one entry this weekend that talked about How to Be A Metrosexual Cage Fighting Christian but I was worried about it diluting the message.  Nonetheless to throw a bone to those people who were hoping to hear how cage fighting relates to Christianity I have attached an image from "The Lord's Gym" promotional T-shirts which are
a) designed to promote and evangelize the Word at gyms everywhere
b) TOTALLY AWESOME.

Two weeks ago we began this series by revealing that I, Justice Gray, am a Christian.  This turned out to be a controversial statement in itself as you can see from the comments thread that erupted, debating everything from my intelligence to who shared Rod Stewart lyrics with who to my proper use of the English language!  Today we will continue on our quest to offend 99% of the readership of this blog by discussing two major misconceptions about what Christianity is and getting them out of the way before we go onto deeper topics in the weeks to come.  That is right - I am going to define Christianity for anyone reading.   Actually, I am not going to be defining anything and instead the Bible will define it for us.  

I'm going to start my first point by telling you about several statements in life that make me cringe involuntarily because they are just plain wrong.  This includes examples like:

• ".NETrosexual"
• "Thanks for coming, here's your free INETA T-shirt"
• "automated build scripts are a waste of time"
• "Sorry, but we're going to have reroute this flight to Winnipeg"

but none of these cause me to clench as much as the statement "Yeah, I'm a Christian, I believe in a lot of different religions, they all lead to God in the end".   I know that this news will be very disappointing to those of you who like to profess to be Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, Kabbalahian, and Pastafarian all at the same time but it is because I care that I am providing this religious reality check.  The very nature of Christianity actually precludes one from being able to be a Christian and simultaneously be a follower of another religion.  I'm not talking about the old-school old testament "Thou shalt have no other gods before me" stuff either, I mean this straight from Jesus' mouth himself in John 14:6.

"Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.""

I have sincerely sat with people who have told me straight-faced that they are a Christian just like me because they believe every religion is correct, and then look like they are about to punch me when I gently ask them how they reconcile John 4:16 with that statement.  On a related note, I think I have *also* sincerely sat with people who apparently believe in every religion out there without reading any of the fundamental text corresponding to the faith they profess to have.

I want to clarify this statement a bit.

First of all, for those people who believe in everything - the only way to include Christianity into a mix of the 18 other faiths you profess to follow is to pretty much ignore both Jesus and Paul in numerous statements throughout the Bible, not to mention that Hinduism considers Jesus just another God while Muslims only consider Jesus an honored prophet - it's pretty tough to reconcile these all together without ignoring something in the Bible.  This is something we'll also get into later which I've heard termed as "salad-bar Christianity", where you pick and choose the pieces of faith you like and leave out the pieces you're just not as comfortable with.

Now, for those of you who are Christians but feel I might be casting judgment on you if you haven't read your Bible cover to cover 17 times in the last week, I am definitely not.  I do believe regular reading and studying the Bible is very important to your life as a believer.  I'll save this discussion for a later post.  For right now, I would like to reiterate from last week that your faith is serious business and a serious choice.  If you profess to be a Christian, I pray that your decision to follow Christ is based on more than a superficial skim of Matthew, Mark, and Luke one time 10 years ago, a desire for a "get out of hell free" card, and the fact that following Christ was the cool thing to do.  I'm not saying this because I am condemning you - I am saying this because I don't want you to shortchange yourself on the wonderful depth and breadth of Christianity.  Like everything I've said today, this is turning into another major sidebar that I'll save for later when we talk about some of the aspects of the life of a Christian.  

The meaning of Christianity is an overloaded one even without this kind of multiple religion confusion.  Some people think that Christianity is merely a guide to how you live your life.  Others think that it's just a list of things you don't do, check off the list and you're A-OK.   This is incorrect; if Christianity was as simple as merely abstaining from sex outside of marriage, 90% of the software development industry would be Christian by default.  The dictionary lists 6 different definitions for the word "Christian"; in some cases "Christian" is said to mean "decent" or "humane".  Yes, being decent and humane is part of being a Christian but you are not a Christian just because you are decent and humane.

Now, Christianity is, at its base level:

• a belief that Jesus Christ was the Son of God, he died on the cross for our sins, and that God rose him from the dead three days after his crucifixion.  [Romans 10:9 - "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."]
• being sorrowful over our sins and confessing them to Christ [2 Corinthians 7:9-10 - "yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death."]
• the pursuing of an active relationship with Jesus, putting him at the center of our lives and the forefront of what we do.

I'm going to leave it at this for this week - next week as my pastor says, we'll "unpack" what it actually means to have Jesus at the center of our lives by

1. talking about the Biblical basis for that statement (though if you're enterprising with Google you won't have much trouble)
2. stealing from *another* sermon I heard years ago and talking about the difference between "cat theology" and "dog theology".  With some luck I'll be able to find the guy's name who first coined these terms to give him some credit (presuming he even wants to be associated with this blog at all, which is probably a bit of a stretch at this point!  ;) )

Yours as always in Christ,
-Justice

There are some reasons for the relative quiet of Gray's Matter over the last couple of days:

a) I was simply and courageously trying to survive the reckless act that nearly doomed us all over the last couple of days.  A word to the wise: when you are working in your office and *spontaneously start pouring sweat from every pore*, there's either a heat wave or you need to see a doctor.  Until this week, I had never punched out another human being for the right to purchase the last air conditioner in the city.  Don't worry - my hand is fine.   The hospital tells me the other guy will be okay as well, given time.  Something about "You'd be surprised how quickly 10 year olds recover from injuries like this...did you say he ran into a door?  And what's your name anyway?  Sir?  Where are you going?"  I couldn't stop to pay attention because I had an apartment to save.  *Courageously*. 

b) The "G" key on my Macbook Pro seems to be loose from the sheer speed and force of my typing.  It pops off pretty much every time I type a G (there it went again).  This makes typing entries a little harder than it looks.  Apparently as awesome as Apple is they have yet to build a keyboard meant for physical powerhouses.  

Most importantly,

c) I have been in the middle of top-secret negotiations.  So secret, in fact, that I still can't really talk about them.    However, I can tell you that August 7th 2009 will mark one of the most exciting announcements in Gray's Matter history.    This is big talk when you consider I previously promised people that their genitals would explode upon attending a user group meeting; however I can tell you with complete confidence this is bigger than even that.   In fact, just to be fair I will tell you that if you value your sex life at all, I wouldn't read this blog on August 7th.   I've been told I can reveal the news at that point.  So that I don't set you up for disappointment, here are some hints as to what this post *isn't*:

• I am not having a child
• I am not moving back to Edmonton
• I am not moving to Winnipeg
• I am not moving *anywhere*
• I am not changing jobs
• I am not leaving my wife to come and have a torrid fling with you (and it would be torrid, let me assure you, because I am a master seducer).

August 7th.  Courage happens here!!!

The scene outside my window in Vancouver today.  Yes, complete with bengal tiger.  It's better if you don't ask.

No, not for the greatest piece of propaganda since Summit tried to explain why they recast Rachelle LeFevre with Bryce Dallas Howard for Twilight: Eclipse!

You see, Vancouver, today I was reckless and today you have all paid the price for that mistake.  And this is why I (almost) never make mistakes - when the average person makes a miscalculation their error does not affect over one million people.  When Justice Gray makes a mistake, the result is bedlam and calamity.

Earlier this morning I took a shower.  Imagining this piece of news no doubt has my female readership wanting to take a shower themselves - a cold one!! Go ahead and do that before you hurt yourselves.  This post will be here when you return.

I know that many unshaven software developers are reading this right now, thinking that the tragic mistake I am referring to above was bathing on a daily basis.  After all, why would I waste valuable minutes getting ready when I could write a tirade on Twitter blaming Microsoft for all of my life's problems??  But no, my friends, the shower was merely a *precursor* to what came next.  Oh tragic naivete!!!

You see, after I showered and went through my rigorous styling routine, I did something a little different...I walked out into my living room only wearing a towel.  While my blinds were raised.

Not so coincidentally, today Vancouver, BC had it's highest recorded temperature - ever.  I'd try to explain how these two things are related but the raw science would only confuse and arouse you.  That's about as much as I can say without destroying your mind.

Again, Vancouver, I am truly sorrowful over what transpired today.  This will not make your girlfriends come back or your marriages knit themselves back together, because I am not a miracle worker - only my body.  But hopefully with time we will all learn and heal from this event.  

Still friends?

-Justice Gray

If you think this is great you should see the rest of my wallpaper

Welcome to yet another series and another introduction here at Gray's Matter, the blog that seemingly posts nothing but introductions anymore!

The mission statement of this series is simple:

1) I live in Paradise City.
2) You should move here immediately.

Some of you stopped reading at this point and are frantically packing a bag and pouring gasoline all over your furniture, one lit match away from starting an exciting new life.  You are not the people this series is for, because you already have your priorities straight.  After all, the two greatest places on Earth are:

• Vancouver, British Columbia
• standing within a 100 foot radius of yours truly

and if you live in Vancouver, you might have a chance to be in both of those places at the same time.  Who in their right mind passes up that kind of opportunity?

Apparently many, given that:
the population of Vancouver = 611,869
the population of the world (also, the readership of this blog) = 6.772 billion people

So, this series is for the 6.7715 billion of you who, for reasons that are stupid, cannot or will not move yourselves to Vancouver, BC in the next couple of days.  As a further point of clarification, when I say "Vancouver, BC", I mean Vancouver, BC proper and not the suburbs surrounding it.  Just like when people ride on the same SkyTrain as me and then claim to the local papers that "Justice Gray and I are best friends forever", there are people who like to live in the suburbs of a major city and yet still tell people that they live in said major city.  Ever hear someone say "The Microsoft offices in Toronto" when what they *actually* mean is the Microsoft offices in *Mississauga*?  And trust me, the difference between Toronto and Mississauga is like the difference between french kissing Justice Gray and french kissing a cactus, only that existence in Missisauga is significantly *more* painful! 

If I'm truly honest with you, there's also some selfishness on my part in presenting this series.  You see, as much as I love the worlds of management consulting and software architecture, I would leave that world behind in a *heartbeat* if the city of Vancouver would only offer me a job as:

• their head evangelist
• their mayor
• their KING

I have written letters, sent signed photographs, even a patented "Potential Friend of Justice Gray" certificate but to date no offer to become Vancouver's very first monarch has been sent my way.  I'm not too sure if the mail is getting lost; I have tried asking our postwoman but the only response I get is "Yeah, yeah, you're the king of Vancouver, blah blah blah, when are you going to wear those tight rollerblading shorts again?"  I think she is a lost cause. 

But *you* aren't!

I know that the *rare* use of hyperbole on a few of this blog's posts may make you skeptical when I state that Vancouver is a marvelous breathtaking city, but in the course of the next year or so, I will make you a believer.   And I *mean* over the next year - when I sat down to map out different things that make Vancouver the best place to live in North America I came up with no less than *30* different topics in less than 5 minutes.  That's right, not only are you going to be convinced to move to Vancouver but I will be padding this blog's content for years!   Everyone wins!

After this series is done, there will come a day when you will phone me and say, "Justice Gray, you have called and I have heeded.  My suitcase and I are outside of your apartment, and I am ready to live the rest of my life here in Vancouver, BC".  And when that happens I will call the police and report you for vagrancy - I've got enough problems with people camping outside my place as it is!!  Find your own condo! 

Next week - *why* is Vancouver so great?  We'll start by answering the question "What's in Justice Gray's backyard?"  Hint: it is not a flaming set of old rubber tires!  "Wow, everybody has a set of flaming rubber tires in their backyard in Winnipeg!"  And that is why you're moving.

Nate is the one on the left

Welcome to not only the second installment in the series about the role models and inspirations of your role model and inspiration, but more importantly the first time any series begun at Gray's Matter has gone beyond one entry!!   I would call this a history making post if we didn't take it for granted that this blog makes history every day.

Today's "Winner at Life" is someone I have admired for a long time and for a multitude of reasons, including:

• he is an entrepreneur
• he has funky glasses
• he is an ace hacker
• he has a great eye for design
• he seems to be a snappy dresser
• he bathes regularly
• he has an beautiful wife who also wears funky glasses
• he is unabashedly heterosexual

The discerning reader will have noticed that all of these traits are also traits I could have used to describe myself.  By proclaiming Nate Kohari one of Justice Gray's Winners At Life it might appear that I am sending a message - a message stating that you can become a Winner At Life by being as similar to me as possible.  Before a legion of wannabes demands to be written into the ledger of the Winners At Life, I should clarify that in these instances you should:

a) be similar enough to me for me to respect you
b) then, do something above and beyond that for me to admire you

And trust me, if I was not already a rampaging hetero, people would probably be questioning how healthy my admiration for Nate Kohari is!  In addition to all of the characteristics I've listed above, Nate is also the author of Ninject, the only dependency injection framework that has its own merchandising line and the only dependency injection framework you should ever use.  I love Ninject so much that I try to find excuses to insert it into any software architecture I'm working on, no matter how little sense it makes for it to be there (I can't tell you how disappointed I was when I couldn't get it going with my IPhone dev, but I'm still working on it).  Take it from me,

• Ninject is the best dependency injection framework ever made
• If you don't agree with me, you have deep-seated emotional issues and I recommend counselling.

Nate, not satisfied with thoroughly domainating the domain of dependency injection, has now moved onto so even larger goals; he and his wife have debuted Zen, a web-based project management tool that - while not expressly stated in the literature -  will solve all of your problems.   And when I say all, I mean all.   Wearing all black, cutting yourself at night and whining about how the world doesn't understand your pain?  Zen understands.   It can't do anything about you being a total loser, but it understands.   Relationship in trouble?  Working on Zen with your significant other might just reignite that spark the two of you have been missing, and if it can't, at least you've have organized your household chores!   Suffering from a painful urinary infection?   See a doctor.

Now if Zen is powerful enough to do these things, imagine what it can do to streamline your complicated, overburdened project management processes!   While it might be too early to say that Zen is the Ninject of project management, it is never too early to say that if any one person can singlehandedly bring agility into companies and the discipline of project management, it will be Nate Kohari.

I hope that this missive has shown you why Nate Kohari is a "Winner At Life" and why he is one of my heroes.  And how can a hero of Justice Gray avoid becoming a hero of yours?  That's right, they can't.  So for those of you who don't already subscribe to his blog or follow his twitter feed, I highly recommend you do so and through this perhaps one day you *too* can be featured on this series!

Previous entries in the "Winner At Life" series:
#01: 5x1llz

The tradition listed above leads into three *other* annual traditions that are not quite as exciting, that being:

• Justice tries to let John down easy over the course of a 90 minute conversation
• Justice tells John that crying isn't something that a man does
• John tells Justice he's not crying, abruptly says he has to leave, and then hangs up

To be open about this, while I am a fan of the TechDays core concept (that being an inexpensive conference for Canadian developers) I have not traditionally been a fan of the TechDays execution.  In particular (and I want to be clear this is just me, your opinion might be different and thus *wrong*):

• I'm not a big fan of regurgitated presentation content - the presentations at TechDays were (are?) essentially presentations done previously by another presenter, with slides and code already provided/approved by Microsoft.  I'm a little bit more independently minded than this so I don't leap at the chance like others do to essentially be a Microsoft spokesmodel.  In a case like this, I just feel used for my looks and I get enough of that on a daily basis without having to feel like it while presenting at a major conference.
• I've felt the content of TechDays has been less than stellar.  I'm a big "fundamentals" guy, and TechDays hasn't traditionally focused on any sort of development fundamentals. It's been more focused on specific Microsoft technology demos.  I hasten to add that this is completely within Microsoft's right and totally makes sense.  Microsoft is first and foremost a business and this is a good place to promote itself!  However, I'm a little less excited about "let's look at another spinning animal demo" vs. "let's teach common design patterns" or even "let's actually show developers how to use half of the relevant Application Blocks in a legitimate application that isn't a Northwind demo".  I know that there are people at Microsoft who think that a "deep dive" into the Work Item functionality of Team Foundation Server counts as developer fundamentals but I like to think we all know better.

I say this stuff because the reality is that TechDays has a reach far beyond the audience that reads technical blogs like MSDN Canada.  Sure, it's nice to pop out a bunch of posts on your blog talking about developer fundamentals or linking to a book or two, but let's get real - you're just preaching to the same audience that already knows about those concepts in the first place.  Many of the people coming to TechDays could care less about reading an online book and in some cases could care less about reading.  This is a prime situation to expose them to some of these concepts and get them hooked on things like this.

This brings me to the main point of this post.

Last week, Joey de Villa (Microsoft DE for *Eastern* Canada) posted a quick linkdump/regurgitated poster set about SOLID principles.  Now, I don't know about you (and believe it or not, this might not be the first time I've tragically misread something) but when I read a post that has a massive linkdump pertaining to SOLID and then follows up with,

Will there be a presentation on SOLID at TechDays?
"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe"

this actually says to *me* that

1. You're not planning on having a presentation on SOLID at TechDays
2. You are providing this linkdump to people because marketing has told you "we don't think that topic specifically promotes MS products" and thus you think this post makes up for not having presentations on developer fundamentals at TechDays.  I don't think it does but I could see how you might think things are A-OK. 

So, I'm going to lay down the gauntlet for you guys:

If I'm wrong and you are having SOLID as part of your conference, this is a serious mistake on my part.  To make up for it I will volunteer to do a presentation on SOLID at TechDays in Vancouver since you are serious about having this at TechDays. I'll even use your regurgitated content.  My only condition is that I'm not wearing some ridiculous Microsoft get-up when I'm there, I have a phenomenally well-dressed reputation to maintain.  If Microsoft is actually getting serious about developer fundamentals at TechDays, I'll do what I can to support you.

However, if it turns out that I read this correctly in the first place and your post was just a way to "get out" of doing SOLID at TechDays, do me a favor and don't call me next year begging for my help to legitimize TechDays' place in the industry.

Perhaps this wasn't the place to air this, but given the choice between talking behind your backs in E-mails or passive-aggressively sniping about it on Twitter, I chose this option because
a) I'm not a 15 year old girl
b) I have a set of functioning testes.   

The question is...DO YOU!?!

The ball is in your court gentlemen (no pun intended)!!

Welcome to:

• what could potentially end up as the most controversial weekly series in Gray's Matter history
• the post series that I have been wanting to start for the last several years

Ever look at your blog statistics and think, "Man, I have *way* too many visitors!!  Hopefully I can find some way to offend half of them away from this blog, never to return"?  If you have, watch and learn. Do a post series like this and I'm sure you'll be just as successful at it as I am! 

As long-time readers of this blog know, Justice Gray is definitely many things:

• an unrelenting metrosexual heartthrob
• a survivor of industry discrimination
• a stalking victim
• an unparalleled physical specimen
• a software development savant
• an agent of managerial change
• an undeserving husband of an incredibly beautiful wife

However, one thing that this blog did not make evident until now (and that I am rectifying) is that Justice Gray is a Christian with a capital C.

If this revelation has made you unsubscribe forever, burn your Justice Gray dolls in effigy and spend the rest of your night crying into your pillow, I understand and will not be hurt in the slightest.   There's also probably a group of you that feels this is a pretty odd post to be reading on a blog about software development and management consulting.  To that group of you, I will let you in one of the greatest Gray's Matter secrets in history: this blog has never really been about software development *or* management consulting.   Oh, for sure I do touch on topics like this on occasion but this blog is actually about Justice Gray because, to be frank, you have to write about your passions, and if I am passionate about any one subject it is Justice Gray. 

Now to set a record for the shortest time to contradicting oneself (Guinness, please call me when you get a chance, we'll set up a photo op), the truth is that as much as I love myself, I love Jesus Christ much, much more, and if you know how much I love myself you can understand the enormity of this statement.  Now, before people get frightened for the future of the fields of software development and management consulting, I want you all to know that I am not leaving you all behind to become a televangelist.  This is just a statement of fact and a statement of faith.  This is a serious statement because Christianity and the commitment to follow Christ are serious business.  There are people out there who think that your commitment to Christ starts and ends with getting yourself dunked in a tank of water or praying the sinner's prayer at camp.  That's not quite the case.  Your commitment to Christ can start there, but it doesn't end there.  That's something we'll be exploring a bit as this series goes on, as well as exploring the things I am learning or exploring through my studies of Bible, my communion with believers, and my notes from the sermons at my absolutely amazing church (if there are any of you in the Vancouver area, I definitely encourage you to drop me a line sometime if you're curious about attending, my wife and I would love to go with you!) 

Despite what millions of women (and posts on this blog) state, I am not a perfect human being.  However, even in my imperfect state it is my fervent prayer that this series:

• serves as an encouragement to those of you who are already a Christ-follower
• to those of you who are not believers, almost believers or somewhere elsewhere, that it gives you some food for thought and a respectful place for open discussion
• and of course, that in the end this series will, in its humble way, bring glory to God and to His son Jesus Christ.

Next Sunday, we'll try to whittle away the 20 remaining readers of this blog by exploring what Christianity actually *is* and what it means to be a Christian, based on some relevant Bible verses and totally ripping off pieces of my pastor's latest sermon!    I'm pretty sure anyone who *wasn't* offended by my out and out declaration of love for Christ will *definitely* be offended once we get into this!!  In fact, I'm guessing by the time we hit September the only two people left reading this blog will be myself and my wife, but what a ride we'll have until then, yes?

Yours always in Christ,
-Justice Gray

The original cage fighter

I was in the checkout line at the grocery store last week, leafing through the Archie Digest when I heard the squeak of a lesser man's voice.  I turned to find the grocery clerk gesturing at my bags, asking "Sir, do you need any help taking these out to your car?" 

I put the Archie Digest back without paying for it like any man with the testosterone of one thousand rampaging bulls would do.  Then I looked at him, flexed my massive arms, and snarled, "Do I *look* like I need any help?"  The clerk immediately soiled himself and dropped into the fetal position.  You might ask me why I was so callous to take an action that obviously mentally broke this man forever, never to recover.  And I would simply answer this is what a cage fighter does.

That is the point of this series - and as an aside, my wife asked me what indicated something like *this* would be a series, and my answer is simple - this post title ends with the word "Introduction".  Obvious to the trained reader!  Anyway, the point of this series is to give you some exposure into what it's like to be a man like me, who pretty much fights in kumates every single night.  Sometimes they are physical kumates, sometimes they are software development kumates, and sometimes they are kumates on the dance floor, but nevertheless my record is currently one billion to zero. 

People think being a cage fighter/kumate master is not all fun and games, but trust me when I say it is.  Just look at the fun Steven Seagal has in any of his multitude of movies from the 90s.  Little known secret: if you have ever seen any Steven Seagal movie, you have seen something loosely based on my everyday exploits.  That is, except for the one where he is in a coma for 10 years straight, then comes out of it one day and *immediately* starts beating the crap out of people with hospital utilities - that is actually a complete rip off of my life from the ages of 7 to 17. 

Each week or so, we will be exploring the following topics:

• I will regale you with an amazing story of my ferocious physicality
• You will marvel at this feat and make a mental note never to tell your wives, girlfriends or pets about this blog lest you destroy your relationship forever
• On certain installments, you might be lucky enough to get a fitness tip that will lead you - should you choose, no, dare to implement it - to become a raging 1% body fat, 575 thousand pound engine of destruction

A disclaimer:

This is not some series for nancy boys who like charting waist-to-hip ratios, so if you're busy counting calories on FitDay, telling your developer friends how that cheesecake went straight to your thighs, gorging on McDonalds each weekend and then crying your eyes out under a pile of pizza boxes, I recommend you unsubscribe from this blog immediately.  Instead, if you are looking to become the He-Man or She-Ra of your friends and peers so that like them, you will be ripped and toned enough to wear bondage gear in public without the slightest hint of embarassment, this is the place to be!!